[maxthorton]

farseer ending got me thinking of my apathy. That I would like to accept it. To be thankful for it. But alas for now my wisdom tells me emotions has power. It is likely I underestimate the pains emotions will bring me. Especially as I aspire and improve. Will likely aspire to feel the most intense emotions. To be most sensitive. Quite a future for a boy who hated emotions so. The thing about it is that even now as small as they are emotions plague me subtle desperation. Subtle depression. without reason. Without strength. And yet ever tormenting. The real problem I suppose is how long it has been since positive emotions. I don’t remember how it can be. That there is contrast. Some pessimism in me doesn’t isn’t assured my my aspiration to increase emotions sensitivity. I do know for a fact cannabis is a magic fix. Emotions in a puff. But as to that I have a dread that it will prove unwise for me to smoke. That I will decide against it. I am more aware of my psyche now. That I have a voice in my head. That my great joy of it is likely like that of the schizoid and the psychotic. I fear that my future is years upon years of emotional numbness. A thing i dread more than suffering. Perhaps only now that I know it could be different and how. I have felt heaven in Amsterdam. The thing most people can feel every day but never appreciate. I wonder if I shall become like that one day. I hope I will remember these years of apathy. I do not appreciate my apathy in recollection of pains of childhood. i wouldn’t bet I would appreciate emotions in recollection of apathy.
At least I can still laugh https://www.facebook.com/pages/Funny...?ref=bookmarks

[atomicc]

Thanks for this ! I find myself wanting to be rid of emotions sometimes, but I know that they are very important to the human experience.