Confused

For years I've wanted something bad to happen to me. I would pretend like something was seriously wrong with me, but because my mom is a nurse I never convinced my parents. At first I was totally in denial and I actually thought something was wrong wiith me. Then as I got older I figured I just wanted attention and I tried very hard to stop. It didn't work out. I began to daydream/dream about me being rushed to the emergency room because I had some fatal disease.
I'm afraid I'm going crazy. It's hard to interpret my emotions because every negative feeling I have I don't know if I actually feel that way or if I want to feel that way.
I'm afraid to tell my parents I don't want them to think I'm crazy but at the same time I want them to think I'm crazy. It's all very confusing. It's slowly tearing me apart and I just don't know what to do. I want to be healthy and well but I also want to be unhealthy. It's like a war in my head with myself. I can't determine how I genuinely feel anymore.

Munchausen Syndrome