[PinkPearl]

Hi, I have bipolar and PTSD. I had a very traumatic experience in March - domestic violence and emotional abuse, but I was ok physically. I got really depressed and anxious and reached out to a not-very-close male friend whom I've always found to be kind and who, for reasons it would take a long post to explain, I believed could empathize with me. I basically started harassing him with emails, telling him more and more about the situation. It went on for 4 months. It wasn't a sexual thing, maybe a father figure/rescuer thing, and my psychopharmacologist said she didn't think I was manic, just depressed, but the obsessing and impulsivity are part of the bipolar. For VERY legitimate reasons (legal ones) that I was unwilling to accept, this friend couldn't comment on my situation or show outward support. He asked me TWICE over several months to stop, and very sternly in the second email (it was a thorough dressing-down - I wanted to die). I ended up getting really angry with him, told him off, said he was heartless, had only allegiance to my husband, etc. We sort of reconciled and I confessed to my bipolar disorder and tried to explain to him why I acted the way I did, but not excusing my behavior. I have to see him regularly through my son's sports Sept to May every year. I will see him next week. So nervous and mortified, but mostly I'm SOOO deeply ashamed of myself. I can't stop thinking about it and beating myself up. How do you shake these things? I don't act like myself when I get sick. (In general as well, I feel shame for having bipolar because I can't work anymore - I can't handle stress. :-(

[bluekoi]

PinkPearl, You could tell him that you are sorry and that you understand you over stepped the boundaries and leave it at that.

[PinkPearl]

Originally Posted by bluekoi

PinkPearl, You could tell him that you are sorry and that you understand you over stepped the boundaries and leave it at that.

Thank you, Bluekoi. Yes, I apologized multiple times but it's my shame making me miserable - broken record in my head going "How could I do that," "I'ma horrible person," etc. it's eating me up. I don't know how to stop the internal dialogue.

[bluekoi]

PinkPearl, Do you see a therapist who can teach you techniques for dealing with stress?

[PinkPearl]

Originally Posted by bluekoi

PinkPearl, Do you see a therapist who can teach you techniques for dealing with stress?

Yes, I've been seeing a new therapist for about 6 weeks. My old therapist of 16 years was pretty useless - just yap, yap, yap and nothing constructive. The new therapist focuses on CBT mainly. I gravitate more toward CBT than DBT, which I've struggled to implement, but trying harder to use DBT skills would probably be worthwhile. New therapist and I are working on my depression and negative self-talk right now, but yes, I should talk to her about my difficulties handling stress. Thank you so much for your feedback and support.