[Bumblebuzz12]

Sorry, but this post is going to be kinda long. I'll have to give you some history first.

When I was younger I was always excessively sensitive. I cried about everything. My parents were not the kind of parents that gave me a shoulder to cry on or asked me what's wrong and how they can help. I wish! If I was caught crying is almost like they were angry at me. They often told me that I needed to grow up, that I was to old to cry, my crying wouldn't solve anything, and of course my brothers being brothers often told me I was a crybaby and that I was weak. I think they were just trying to toughen me up, but it didn't work.
As I got older, not much changed. I learned to hold in my feelings as well as my tears. When my parents did catch me crying they ignored me, if I was seriously sobbing they burst through my bedroom door asked why the heck I was crying. When I refused to tell them they would either threaten to ground me or they'd tell me to shut up.
One night I was crying and my dad caught me he refused to let me leave the couch until I told him what was wrong. I sat there for hours until late at night when he fell asleep.
Whenever I feel like I have to burst I lock myself in the bathroom. I've been holding everything I feel inside for so long it's starting to catch up to me. I have to excuse myself in class just so I can cry in the bathroom. This is happening almost everyday. Just simple things cause me to blow up. For example: earlier today I found out someone ate the last piece of pizza and I screamed at my mom and now I'm grounded. A pen drops and I burst into tears. I feel bad afterwards but it's like I can't control myself. I have no other way to release my emotions. I've tried journaling and writing down my feelings but nothing works.
I'll be depressed for like an hour but incredibly happy in the next and then I'm angry and then I can't stop laughing. This is the cycle of how my day goes.
I want to tell my mom but just thinking of it makes me feel sick. Suicide crosses my mind several times a day. Life is hard maybe it's just too much for me to handle. I really just want someone to talk to, but no one will understand. I don't know what to do. Everything is so blurry.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm sorry you are feeling so out of control. It sounds like you could definitely benefit from talking to someone, about your childhood, your triggers, etc. You said you're in school? How old are you? Is there a school counselor that you could talk to without your parents knowing (at least for the time being?) Is there a teacher that you trust that you could reach out to? A best friend? It sounds like you have a lot of strong emotions coming out. I'm sorry that you feel like this.

[Bumblebuzz12]

I actually don't. I'm very shy and I don't like to be around people much. I don't really connect with people in a way you might think. I do sorta have a friend in school I guess I could talk to her, thanks for your reply.