[bubbles00]

i dunno why i do this but i smile when i hear bad news. Its actually embarassing that i do this and i cant stop. i kinda just "automatically" do it. When my mom almost had a heart attack i started laughing. The other day i was taling to my friend about the malaysian airline and i started to smile and she pointed it out (and it was really awkward too because i said "it's so sad" and i was smiling while saying it). Like why do i do this? how do i stop?

[kaliope]

I really cant answer that because I do it too so you are not alone. t used to point it out to me all the time...."you tell me that but you are smiling as you say it, so I don't know what to think" he made me feel so stupid and like I was faking being upset about what I was telling him. I would think he would be able to explain why I smiled but he never did.....take care.

[Thunder Bow]

Smiling is a way of covering up and avoiding your more sensitive feelings. You feel you will be made fun of, or judged to be weak if you show them.

[secretgalaxy]

I do too, especially in therapy, even if it is something pretty serious. Finally after my therapist brought it up, I realized that I do it because I can't cry if I smile, and I hate showing emotions so my body picked that up as a way to cover up them.

[bubbles00]

how do i make myself stop? this is something i developed when i was a child so i dunno how to stop myself. i try so hard not to smile... it makes me look so rude and arrogant

[secretgalaxy]

The way that I helped myself was by just not focusing on what I was saying while I speak, and just kind of zone out. That way I stayed serious. But a problem with zoning out is that I don't always remember what was said in that conversation.

[Thunder Bow]

Habits take time to break. The habit will slowly fade over time.

[bubbles00]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Habits take time to break. The habit will slowly fade over time.

i hope you're right because it's really bugging me now...

I do the smiling thing in therapy too! Actually I kind of knew I was doing it, because otherwise, if I let myself get affected I cry buckets so easily... So I smile or grimace and it helps keep the tears away. Smiling also helps me differentiate the sort of sad stuff from the really cry-worthy stuff...or it acts as a filler when I don't know how to feel...

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by bubbles00

Like why do i do this? how do i stop?

My mom was a "smiler" (Joy Addict) and, in therapy, I learned about this curious coping skill that people learn in early childhood from parents and other powerful role models to deal with sensitive or uncomfortable events & feelings. I suppose one way to break the habit is to become aware of the reflex BEFORE it happens and then create a mental program to remind myself not to react that way or drop the reaction the moment I realize I've gone there - pretty much like changing any habit. IMO, the problem with early childhood conditioning is that it's very, very difficult to change or stop because much of it is connected to SURVIVAL instincts and will continue to ferociously operate to protect us from harm or danger. That automatic "smile" is like a life boat and it won't let you drown without a fight!
good luck,
jim