[dg59166]

I attended a company/industry party with my wife and her coworkers. I had been drinking at the party, but was in control. A group of us, including my wife, then decided to go out for an after party, where I had more to drink. I’ll admit I don’t have full recollection of everything. At the company party, I met a very attractive woman (not one of my wife’s co-workers, and industry associate) who was sitting at our table, and had pleasant conversation with her. The events at the party allowed me to look at her all evening, without it appearing to be unusual. This woman came with us to the after party, along with several other women, I was the only man there. Apparently I was dancing with the other girls, but I don’t remember all of it. What I do remember is being at the bar and something about the very attractive girl asking me how open was my marriage. I don’t believe anything physical happened, and my wife and her coworkers took me back to our hotel. For the last 3 days, my wife has acted to me in a completely normal way, even mentioning to me and my mother in law I was dancing with the other girls. My wife does not appear angry, upset, or jealous in any way. I however, feel tremendous guilt and remorse about what did, or may have happened. I’ve been struggling recently that after 15 years of marriage, and being happy, and not even the first thought of infidelity, I’ve suddenly been finding myself very attracted to younger women, but I am…again…I am….happily married. I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my wife. Is she waiting for me to come to her and confess what happened, and if I don’t, will that cause her to rethink the marriage. Bottom line, should I speak with my wife about this, and the struggles of my attractions to younger women. I can say that I don’t feel I could carry on an affair, that would require from me a conscious decision to do that, and I can’t see that happening. But I worry that “just a quick taste” – for lack of a better way to describe it, is a threat and a possibility. I’m hoping the guilt and remorse I feel now will temper those desires. But should my wife know. Thanks.

[Thunder Bow]

Therapy might help in this case. Seeing a Marrage Counseler might help here.

[Patsy Cline]

Maybe you just feel guilty that you were attracted to another woman and even though it may have not been physical you entertained it mentally. Talking to your wife about maybe avoiding that situation again, including over drinking, may ease your guilty feelings.

I hope things work out for you and that your grief desists.

[hvert]

Hmm.

I don't think that your wife *needs* to know that you find younger women attractive. If she considers the woman that made the pass a good friend, it might be appropriate to give her a heads up that the woman made a pass at you.

Why do you hesitate to tell her? What outcome are you looking for by telling her?

I sort of assume that my boyfriend finds attractive women attractive. I don't really want him to tell me that, though. If you want to talk to someone about these feelings, I would go for a same-gender friend before discussing it with your wife.

[CosmicRose]

I really doubt she is "waiting" for you to "admit" anything. And honestly, if my husband of 15 years came up to me suddenly and said "Honey I'm attracted to younger women." I would probably feel very rejected and feel like he was calling me old and therefore no longer attracted to me. So no, I think you're about to open up a can of worms if you blow this out of proportion. She was with you that night and obviously it doesn't sound like you had any room to actually cheat no matter how drunk you were - so I doubt anything happened, and the fact that she isn't upset just goes to show you that she literally isn't upset about anything.
Women can't usually hide being upset about something just for the sheer passive agressiveness of it. She's not "waiting" for a confession.
Your guilt is just coming from you, no one else. It's best to just forget about this and don't act on any impulses to cheat if you are so happy in your marriage.