[WantToGrow]

I go through episodes where I completely fly to pieces about something, cry hysterically, feel really horrible about myself (sometimes feeling I'd like to leave this mortal coil) and then obsess over the incident for days, replaying it in my mind, doubting myself and my actions (was it my fault?), to the point that no matter what I'm doing, those thoughts and memories intrude. It happens when I have no control over something in my life and/or I am accused of being the bad person.

I am just now coming off of one of these episodes. I really scared my husband because he felt I was really over-reacting to the situation.

It involved some friends we made a year ago, a gay couple who is very conservative and doesn't share our values very much. We are accepting people so overlooked those incompatibilities and tried to continue the friendship, even though there were red flags as to the sanity of one of them in particular.

Well, as people do, I Facebook friended them. And then I happened to share an observation I had made about life in our current locale that I'm not happy with (involving lots of straying, homeless pets that are frequently seen dead on the side of the roads). Well, this unstable "friend" lashed out with all caps saying that it's not the fault of our locale, that it's a problem everywhere. Another "friend" joined in and said "don't attack such and such a place!" Then the first "friend" called me on the phone and continued to explain to me how wrong I was. On FB, I explained that I have lived in a lot of places were the problem wasn't so prevalent. My sister came to my defense saying that I was merely posting an observation, trying to keep it sane and all. The first "friend" made some kind of nonsensical response to my sister's comment, and then the second "friend" said "I am your friend but you need to stand down on this."

I was so hurt that I wrote a post on my wall (status) saying that I have a lot of friends with views different from mine, and that's ok. That I used to see things on FB that I didn't agree with and felt the need to respond in opposition, which only resulted in pissing matches, so now I just let that stuff roll on by. And if I write something you don't agree with, feel free to do the same. I had many friends write in support. I wrote that I felt very sad. Many said please don't feel sad. Then the bat-**** crazy first friend PMs and texts me more insane screaming psychotic babble! She also left a vm because I didn't answer. She was equally ranting over a share I did for a petition that was anti-predator hunting.

I realize now that for some reason I pushed buttons on some hot topics. I know that hunting/anti-hunting is one of them, but again, I have the right to share a petition and my friends have the right to ignore it, don't sign it, or even make intelligent comments.

I ended up Un-friending both of those people. I had other people support me, saying that they might not agree with me but they support my right to free speech. Those are good people and made me feel a little better.

Despite this, I ended up so pissed off, raging, crying, drinking, in deep despair, because I yet again had lost friends through a big blow up. I ended up getting sick because of it, waking up with a sore throat last night.

The couple came by yesterday to return a house key and some money, meeting my husband at our driveway gate. They said it was all my problem, that I needed therapy, and that I should keep my opinions to myself. Ironic, since they are all about their freedoms, right to bear arms, etc. etc.

Even now I'm still obsessing over it. I don't know how to let things go. I felt personally attacked and of course that sends me to doubting myself and thinking that I'm just incapable of having friends. Thankfully, this time, I was taken in by the love of two other friends who reassured me that the other party was really quite insane and unreasonable and that I needed to cut my losses and know that they cared about me. That was really huge for me.

But I am troubled by this pattern of not being able to get along and hold friends. I worry something will go wrong with the other few that I have. And I worry about myself in that I get so completely worked up and don't know how to handle my emotions and it becomes all consuming.

I have so many other problems that would be too lengthy to go into here. I already know I need therapy! I've been to therapy many times in my life! I will be seeking therapy again, especially because of this weekend.

Has anyone here had this kind of anger-despair syndrome like a breakdown? What helps?!!!

[kaliope]

it sounds like they really over reacted.......but you are over responding and it sounds like you know that. what are they triggering for you?

the best thing that helped me contain my emotional responses in situations like this is the phrase, "its not about me"........you expressed an opinion...they reacted to that opinion, not YOU....you are not a bad person incapable of keeping friends and all the things you worry about....they are just wacked. it is about THEM! you are not defective, THEY are. so when ever you start obsessing, you stop the thoughts in their tracks by telling yourself that.

What helps? Get off facebook.

I also am sensitive to what others say. My first thought is to blame myself and it takes a while to look at the situation more objectively.
I am also prone to seemingly inexplicable episodes of high emotion....

Facebook and other social media are not good for people like us.

[WantToGrow]

Thank you, kaliope and sophiesmom. You are both so right! I really got into FB because when we moved here two years ago, I felt so lonely and isolated that FB was a way to connect with people and it helped me feel less alone. But then I've gotten into trouble that way before, and you are right, it isn't a good place for me.

A friend recently offered up that he thought I had ADD, as does he. I just researched it and indeed agree, and the trouble I get into by hitting that send key is one of the symptoms, along with my sensitivity etc. So, I will try to refrain.

I much more enjoy being on this forum and reading about people like myself and offering up support the way you have. A much healthier way to connect with people :-)

I think that's wonderful and a lovely thing to say.

When you feel a weak moment coming on, log on here and SOS....we're more than happy to help and I know there are plenty here (myself included) that are happy to get PM's...