My sister texted me last night, asking me if I would go up to NM and live with her. She already bought the ticket, set up a ride to the airport, everything. Which made me feel very heavily pressured into saying yes because of all she's done already to get me up there. But I'm terrified of traveling completely alone and feel I would **** up very badly, so I said no. Now I think she's mad at me. I feel ungrateful, especially since I've been wanting so badly to get out of here, and this was the perfect chance...all but the having to travel alone. I can't get over that. But, to be fair, she didn't ask me at all what I wanted to do before making all these plans for me. Of course she tried like hell to convince me into saying yes. We texted over 3 hours. By the end I just wanted to go to bed, I was tired and had a headache, so I finally just flat-out said No. She thinks I can't make a life for myself without her help, she even texted something to me along these lines. Oh yeah. Right after I told her I better not go because I felt like I would **** up, she said: "Your chances of ****ing up are way higher if you stay where you are." We kept on making exchanges like that all evening it seemed, me telling her why I can't go, followed by her telling me basically that the only way to have a good life is to go live with her. Which I don't necessarily believe: I have been making a plan of my own that I think is pretty reasonable. First, I'm going to finish high school. Then I'm going to look for work, and once I have a job I'm going to save up for my own place.

However, when I told her this plan, she blew it off completely, like she thought no way in hell could I ever do it myself. I guess she thinks I have to be living with her to do anything. Why can't I make a new and better life for myself, without her help? It's not that I'm ungrateful, I feel very blessed that she would go through all this trouble for me. But like I said, she never bothered asking me first, before buying the ticket and all. And then she pretty much rushed me into making a decision. I said No, because I cannot possibly do the flying alone, I have no experience in flying, have never even been in an airport, and wouldn't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm so stupid I would probably board the wrong plane, then get in the wrong seat! And no one in an airport is going to help me find my way. I know because no one ever helps me with anything like that. So I said no, and now I feel bad about it. Was I wrong?

In any case, I can't take back my answer now, so does it even matter anymore?

[IceCreamKid]

You might ask your sister to find out if you can get an escort onto the plane and if you need to switch flights. When my child traveled to see my ex-spouse, he paid for a guardian --employed by the airlines--to do this. I don't see why they can't do it for just about anyone who needs a little extra help getting around an airport, onto a plane, onto a connecting flight, etc.

Also, if you are easily overwhelmed by being presented with grand plans, when your sister gears up, you could gently say "I need things presented in smaller chunks" -- and remember you will likely have to repeat this. I think your plan to finish school and get a job sounds good. I don't see why you can't do this while living with or near your sister.

[H3rmit]

> I said No, because I cannot possibly do the flying alone, I have no experience in flying, have never even been in an airport, and wouldn't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm so stupid I would probably board the wrong plane, then get in the wrong seat! And no one in an airport is going to help me find my way. I know because no one ever helps me with anything like that.

It sounds like you wish you could have taken her offer, despite the pressuring way it was presented. (I wouldn't like that either!)

Can I reassure you a bit about airports? They are mostly, in the western world, quite well organized. I find that many people are helpful if you ask questions in them. Really, just head off to your local airport on the bus and try it if you want. Also, maps of airports are on the net, and you can preplan your route to your "gate" or print out an airport map for yourself. It sounds like the trip is within the States, so you don't even need to function in a foreign language to take such a trip. I think if you spent some time learning a bit more about airports and people's experiences in them, you could learn to cope with it.

I've only had a couple of bad airport experienced, and those where in a foreign language and where the airport was huge with recent construction. And I still made the flight somehow. Sure, some airline staff will make mistakes and tell you the wrong thing, but if you ask more than one person, you can correct for that.

Anyway, I bet you can succeed in your basic plans.

It sounds very exhausting to have to deal with your sister's approach to this trip, even if it was fundamentally kind of her. The controlling part of it could be off-putting, and it sounds like for you it was.

[Thunder Bow]

Flying can be a fun adventure, airports and all.

[SmileHere]

Do you like your sister and get along well with her otherwise?

I wouldn't like to be presented with a 'final deicision' and plane ticket and everything too!
Is this an example of how she has usually been with you (or others)?

Finishing high school and finding work sounds good, yeah - maybe it would be good to look at what kind of jobs are available for people with just high school where you live? You could probably do that where your sister lives too?

As for saving for a place of your own, I wish you luck, check out the price of real estate though (and approximate paychecks and costs you might get) - it depends where you live, some places are so expensive it may be difficult for a single person to save up enough to buy.

When I went flying for the first time I went with friends, so it was way easier. But it was really fun and exciting, I loved it!

[shabur]

Your sister sounds like my older sister. She sees something that she feels needs to be done and just takes charge. She is a wonderful sister, but this part of her can be overwhelming. I did tell her once I needed her to slow down and she has.

[hvert]

No, you weren't wrong. You can make your own choices about your life. It's not fair for your sister to get mad that you don't want to do what she wants you to do.

I may be hyper sensitive to this, but my mother does stuff like this, giving me things that I don't want as a way to control me. If someone offers to give you something you don't want, or wants to do a favor you didn't ask for, they are not necessarily being nice. They may be trying to help, sure, but they may also be trying to control you or make you feel beholden to them.

If you would like to live with your sister, then you could probably figure out a solution to the traveling alone issue, but it's perfectly valid not to want to live with her. If you change your mind, I bet she will still help you get down there.