[grey_aj]

Two years ago I started developing feelings for this girl (I'm a girl). Then two weeks later she came out to everyone as gay with her girlfriend. I was crushed, but somehow we became incredibly close friends without her ever knowing how I felt about my sexuality or that I had feelings for her. I eventually got over her, because we had become really good friends, and she had a great relationship with her girlfriend and I was happy for them.

Now that we have just started college, she and her gf are broken up due to geographical distance, and I find myself still having feelings for her even though we are four states apart and it's been two years. On top of all this, I'm *still* trying to come to terms with my sexuality. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should tell her or not, considering that she still misses her old gf and it could ruin our amazing friendship.

It's killing me inside.

- AJ

[Travelinglady]

Hi, grey_aj. That's a tough one. Right now it sounds like maintaining more than a friendship with her would be very difficult. Have you had any such feelings for other women? Do you know of lesbians on campus? Is there a gay bar around?

[EsotericNonsense]

Don't tell her how you feel about her sexualy because like you said you can't be with her right now. Instead tell her that you were very close to her while she was in town and if she ever needs someone to talk to she's welcome to call you.

[EsotericNonsense]

Don't stop living your life though it's just that sometimes it's useful to have friends outside our immediate social network so we can gossip about people without it getting back to them.

[hamster-bamster]

Since this is very intimate, do not tell her for sure because this kind of thing is for a face-to-face and you are four states apart. So logistically it is impossible and end of story. When you are face to face, you will then reassess the situation - by then a lot of changes might happen. She may or may not break up with the gf, you may or may not get your own partner, etc. - it is impossible to predict. So just write it off as currently impossible due to circumstances outside of your control.

[ifst5]

Well you're entitled to have feelings for her - those feelings don't necessarily have to become action. To be honest it doesn't really sound like the most opportune time for you to begin a relationship - you've just started college and have bigger priorities than working through your sexuality AND a new relationship with someone. Also, i hate to be devil's advocate but there's no guarantee she'd be interested in you anyway. Such a rejection would be difficult to contend with when you're also entering a new and important phase in life.

The fact that you've liked her for so long does suggest that your feelings could well become more and should everything fall into place - you could possibly make a go of it. As it stands, she's four states away, has just broken up with someone, and you're both now involved in higher education. Timing is everything and there are risks either way (i mean if you don't tell her she could well move on with someone else) but for the moment, i think the risk of rejection is greater than simply not knowing.

Maybe play it by ear - once you've both settled in to your new routine and she's had time to grieve her last relationship, perhaps test the water. But you must be prepared for the difficulties of long distance relationships if things go ahead - as well as the trust issues that arise from not knowing what your girlfriend is up to most of the time.

It's your call but for now i would play it safe - if it's meant to be, it'll happen some day.

[rainbowsunrise]

Ha! I was gonna suggest telling her before everyone else advised against it.

Imagine flipping a coin.



What did you pick for heads? That's what you want to do.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by rainbowsunrise

Ha! I was gonna suggest telling her before everyone else advised against it.

Imagine flipping a coin.



What did you pick for heads? That's what you want to do.

mine is not what I picked for heads but how I feel seeing the result of flipping a coin. My reaction reveals to me what I truly want. Have not used this method for over a decade, though, but you reminded me of how simple this method was in the past....