Constant crappy emotions...

I'm aware I'm bipolar, that I have some personality disorder but all I feel, all the time is like crap. I'm anxious, tired, sick, tearful, guilty and so much more. I don't know how to deal with my emotions. I just feel like everything is out of control and I hate not having control. Its been this way since I can remember. I can't bring myself to break down, let alone talk about anything. I always feel like I'd be some, or am, some huge burden to/on everyone. I hate this feeling. I know it's depression and I need my medications adjusted but now I have to pay to go in because I'm out of visits. I've always been one to let my emotions control me. I run from so many things because I don't want to accept my emotions. I don't want to deal with them. I'll be at work and get anxious for no reason and immediately run. It's why I'm having such a hard time keeping a damn job. "Just deal with it" is so many peoples solutions but I can't. I know I say I can't a lot too. I'm sure I could but I don't. I hate the feeling of being like this. I honestly would love to run away but I'm trapped in my crappy situation because of my emotions and lack of control. It seems like I can control them on the outside by not breaking down or losing it but on the inside I'm destroying myself. I do wear my heart on my sleeve and you can obviously see what I'm not in a good mood but when that happens I come off short or just keep quiet. Problem is it's all the time now. I need help and I don't see the point in paying what little money I have to see my therapist. So I will go to my psych when the date comes but then everyone says "how can you get better with pills if you don't believe they actually work?". I just don't know. Again I sit here and look at what I wrote and think, "that was a waste of time I'd rather have been sitting and staring off into nothingness or pretending to function".

the biggest thing that helped my out of control emotions was taking a dbt group. I know it is meant for bpd and I don't know if that is your dx or not, but my emotions were out of control from ptsd and bipolar. after group was over, control over my emotions seemed to improve by like 90 percent. it was amazing. I don't think it was the individual therapy. I don't know that it was the meds cause it was still years before I stabilized on med.

you emphasized "I cant". saying I cant implies that you have no choice in the matter. if you substitute "I wont" in place of I cant then you are taking responsibility and giving yourself choice.

what is dbt?

Hi there. Reading your post was like reading my own words. I feel exactly the same way. I need help right now. I don't have a good Psychiatrist or Therapist , I am on the wrong medications and I am abusing drugs to escape from all of the negative emotions that I feel inside. I feel "Stuck" and unable to make a move in the right direction to take some positive action in my life. I did however, go to one of my Group Therapy Sessions today; first time in over a month. I made myself go. I have been praying a lot for strength. I always want a quick fix to my feelings. It is overwhelming to think about starting all over again with another doctor, different Psych Meds, getting regulated and stop using drugs. But If I don't do these things, I know I am not going to get any better. I guess It's time to just bite the bullet and take action. The first thing I need to do is stop using drugs and find a new doctor. Being on this website has helped me because it shows me I'm not alone in how I feel. I wish the best for you and me too.

dialectical behavior therapy which is supposed to assist you in what they call "emotional disregulation" - they would be teaching you how to regulate your emotions. They teach other skills as well, such as interpersonal effectiveness.

I think in DBT they won't tell you this. They will teach you how to "sit with" your emotions, and will convince you that emotions have an end - you won't experience them forever.