I've lost all sense of my logic and ability to think about things

Hello, I'm new to the forum, and have come here hoping for some answers to my problems.

I'm 18, currently a freshman at a large university. I feel like I have lost my memory and logic.

I used to be a very funny (I don't remember the kinds of things I used to say, really. I can hardly remember any situations from my past. I feel like I can no longer make any connections just sitting here. Sometimes, in rare occasions, I come out of it and my old self returns. I used to have a lot of people I would call friends, but I've lost my ability to communicate. Things have changed completely with the friends from high school that came to the same high school All I can really communicate is how I feel about not being able to communicate. I just sit there and listen to them. I'm not tuning out or anything; I am taking in what they are saying and find the same sorts of things as interesting or amusing, I just can't naturally come up with much anymore. I feel like a wild animal just going through the steps. All that creativity has disappeared.

I recreationally started smoking pot my sophomore year, but senior summer, oh my god, I lost it all. I smoked almost every day with my friend chris. It was strange though. We'd play frisbee golf almost every day and smoke pot out on the course. We didn't talk really during this and it was mostly focused on our scores. I knew that there were people out there smoking grams and grams a day, so I didn't think it was a big deal that we'd smoke maybe 5 or 6 bowls a day. My tolerance for pot has never really raised or anything, which I find strange. Splitting a bowl with someone still gets me really baked.

I used to be very funny with a lot of stuff going on in my brain. Now, I'm just polite with not all that much sarcasm, humor, or creative ideas. I feel like my brain is just absolute mush.

I hardly ever smoke now.

I feel like that action of getting high and not saying or thinking at all and just playing frisbee has ruined me for life. I am actually getting really worried, especially just writing this, that my sense that my humor or ability to share stories with people will ever come back. my brain just feels like mush,

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Even still, I'm not that scared just because I don't really get scared of anything. I just know what's right and would always do what's right for anyone, unless I'm feeling too lazy about it. I feel almost like a robot.

I'll add, I used to want to be a history teacher in high school because I thought I'd be great with kids and would love to talk about history because I've always found it interesting. I'm in school, but now with my current problems, I feel like my brain just isn't there and I'm not cut out for this. With the way school works and assignments work, I can still do it and that is natural. Researching and writing is still easy. I just can't make the connections between subjects the way I would like. Luckily, here at college I have made good friends with a couple guys down stairs who live pretty close to me, and they want me to hang out with them over Thanksgiving break, which starts in a week, but I'm also thinking that it won't go as well as they'd like because luckily for me I snapped out of it a couple of times when hanging out with them and they thought I was hysterical and would get along great with their friends. This could be a whole new social life for me if I was to get along well at whatever they invite me to, which I'm positive I would be able to if this had come 2 years ago, when I was in my social prime, amusing everyone and drawing praise. Now I'm just a super uninteresting person with almost nothing to say.

Sorry that I couldn't put it all in one post. I don't see the option to edit and I don't know what my question is. I'm just looking for guidance and trying to give you guys as much information as I can with my struggle, which at the time is pretty basic because my brain doesn't work.
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I had sex a couple of times in high school. Both times I was absolutely into it and thrilled to be touching a woman's body that way. Here when I convinced a girl to sleep with me, it was work and I'm honestly surprised I was able to do my part. I'm not really attracted to anyone. I said I'm still interested in the same things and find the same things funny. I wasn't truthful there. I hardly find anything funny or repulsive. I just hear it. I used to be able to sit down for hours on end and study the racing form and handicap horse races, my passion. I f'in loved going to the races. the excitement pulsed through my body. Now, I'm just watching and thinking about my money and how the race plays out. Honestly, I think it has made me a better handicapper just because there isn't much emotion tied to anything anymore, and in this case it's the money, and I'm able to make the exact play on a race that I think is right for the circumstances. Still though (haha), I'd rather have my emotion back in life than improve my ability to make money at the track slightly.

Smoking Pot does exactly what you reported here. A good warning to all who smokes pot. Over time you may recover some, as your brain adapts to damage done.

Thanks man. Have you come across written accounts on the internet similar to my "report?" I'd love to get some other insights into maybe what I can do and what other people think.

I'll tell you what the current situation is
I smoke pot maybe twice a week. Even though it isn't really my thing anymore, I do it because the people I love to be around still enjoy it and I don't want to lose them. Just writing that out makes me want to be honest with them. Not about all of this ^^, just because I've never been one to complain to others and let them in on my struggles. I'd rather everyone think I'm strong while I seek out answers for myself. Sometimes I'll open up, but I don't think I'd be doing anyone any good by telling them I can't really remember anything we did together in the past, especially since the guy above gives my brain a chance at recovering.

Like I said, just writing that out makes me realize that it's not acceptable to be smoking pot while I'm in the rehabilitation stage.
I'll Tell you what again! The first year I smoked pot, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world, but I think that's because a perfectly capable brain, which had the capability of processing everything that normal people can process, was the brain that was processing it. If I had written down everything I thought of and said during this time, you'd probably think I was the most intellectual, funny person on the face of the earth (exaggerating obviously). Now, the pot just numbs me and makes me a bit of a jackass because my brain has become so small (in a sense) that the pot has a totally different affect. Now I wonder if that's why animals such as rats won't self administer pot the way they would coke or ecstasy. Pot's effect on mental midgets isn't positive in the slightest.

Working on the Navajo Reservation as a Shaman, I seen 1st hand the effect Pot has on people, and it is not pleasant. Modern Pot today, is much stronger than it was in the 70s and 80s. Thus it is more damaging and quicker at damaging higher brain function. Best to quit while you can. Don't worry about not being accepted. You will find other friends who are not users, and they will be much better friends to have.

I agree with the first person who responded to you...maybe you shouldn't smoke so many of those left handed cigarettes. I haven't a thing against it myself and I know that it has its place in the world but moderation is what is the key. Even the Good Book will tell you that

The jury is actually out on the effects of smoking pot in adolescence - the causal connection has not been established with certainty, and because schizophrenia - the usual concern about smoking pot before the brain fully matures is that doing so might trigger schizophrenia - often debuts in late adolescence and early college years, there may be an appearance of causation but not actual causation. In the past, there was a rumor that the MMR vaccine caused autism; it has been disproven through and through, and the reason the connection was suspected is because the first signs of autism are usually showing exactly when the first MMR vaccine is given.

I am not saying that smoking pot in adolescence is as safe as getting the MMR vaccine series - no, with the MMR/autism connection, there is a proof that none exists; with the pot, the jury is out. I used the MMR/autism example simply to illustrate that when two things occur nearly contemporaneously, one might suspect a causal connection, but it does not mean that there is true causation.

Another thing is called self-medication - turning to pot because of the underlying mental illness to blunt the emotions. this is not your case for sure - I am just mentioning it as another example of the trickiness of the causation issue and the temptation to interpret things the way you want. Say, with self-medication, if a person becomes, e.g., more depressed, it could be:
- because of pot
- regardless of pot
- without pot, would have been much worse
- not directly because of pot, but caused indirectly, due to delayed treatment - smoking pot provided some relief, so the person continued to self-medicate instead of seeking treatment, and by the time the person sought treatment, the disease advanced, damaging the brain (and in such cases, one might suspect that pot damaged the brain, but it is not guaranteed)
- not directly because of pot, but indirectly because the pothead secluded himself, did not exercise, did not spend time outdoors, did not connect with others socially - all those good things lift depression and their absence can deepen the depression, but not directly because of pot.

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So, just to show that there are many many complexities in this issue.

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In your first post, you seem to be describing mild dissociation. If not derealization. For this I would recommend that you talk to a therapist.

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In one of your subsequent posts, you wrote about having sex with a girl whom you CONVINCED to have sex with you and that it felt like work and you wonder how you performed your part.

But what did you expect from a sexual encounter with a girl who was not that much into you and who had to be convinced?? that it felt like work was pretty much expected.

The reason I am calling it out - you seem to be pathologizing everything, seeing symptoms of disorder or brain shrinkage in completely normal scenarios - e.g. that sex with a less-than-enthusiastic partner is boring is normal, and basically are an illustration to the famous book by Jerome K Jerome (if you have not read it, you must go to your library and get it!).

I would also say that you are gaslighting yourself - convincing yourself that you have gone mad and then interpreting everything around yourself as proof of your madness.

Whatever happened with pot happened in the past and you cannot undo the past. What POSITIVE steps are you currently taking to get better? Are you talking to a counselor, have you seen a neurologist, do you regularly walk or bike or swim or run, have you been administered an IQ test by a qualified neuropsychologist?..

How much stress are you under being it's your first year of college? It is possible that is contributing some to how you feel, I know college can cause a lot of stress and especially if you already have any mental issues that can interfere with mental functioning, concentration and memory.

It is possible the cannabis use could have contributed, it does not effect everyone quite the same so hard to say. I personally have smoked it for like 5 years and have not had any effects like that from it, if anything it makes me feel more clear headed and able to sort out my thoughts. Either way if it did contribute avoiding it should get rid of any detrimental effects it may have had, not really sure it would do any permanent sort of 'damage' as far as studies go cannabis does not damage brain cells, however not everyone reacts well to it.

Also you shouldn't smoke on account of other people, if you aren't enjoying it and feel its detrimental it would be best to be honest with your friends, any who would stop being your friend just because you don't want to smoke aren't real friends to begin with...however I kinda know the feeling of indulging in substances when I didn't particularly want to just for the social interaction(not a good idea, but I have been there...not with cannabis though as I do truly enjoy it).

I think your summer time smoking binge numbed your brain and the weekly smoking is keeping it foggy. You've got to let it go. Get exercise, eat healthy, stay hydrated. Pot is a depressant and can easily lead to many of the feelings you describe. Give it a few months and I suspect the old you will start to re-emerge.

Hellboy

I have the same problem but mine is the result of benzo withdrawal syndrome and taking Abilify and gabapentin. I mourn for losing who I was but there's nothing I can do about it now but just flow into whatever I've become. It does bother me quite a lot.