[coco197]

I am new to this forum, I tried going to a counselor but found I just couldn't open up. couldn't show my weakness. I spent just under 3 years with my now ex boyfriend. we broke up 2 months ago. I just cant get over him. I feel like he brought happiness into my life when we met, and took it with him when he left. I know the passwords to his email and stuff, and still check to see what he's doing. Today I looked and found out the new girl he is dating is pregnant. I cant stop crying. I spent a good deal of my private time crying anyway since it ended, but now I feel like i'll never be ok. I cant believe I loved him so much, and he just walked away, erased me, used me while he wanted to, then threw me away. Im devastated. Im not a young person, im 45, we talked of trying to have children, we planned our lives together. I don't know what to do. do I need antidepressants? I need to move on, but have no energy, willpower, sense of self worth, nothing. nothing at all in my life that makes me want to. I just want everyday to end. I work 7 days a week so I wont have any time to think of how sad I am. I need help.

[jelly-bean]

You are grieving over the loss of someone who meant a great deal to you. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and the added aggravation of the pregnancy is making it worse. it will take some time to get over it and move on but please give yourself to grieve in whatever way does you the most good no matter how long it takes.

[coco197]

thanks for the encouragement.

[hamster-bamster]

coco, I take it, you yourself do not have children?

Your loss is of immense proportions, all the aggravating circumstances considered. Even a regular breakup between casual bf / gf in their 20s leads to strong feelings, but for you to expect to get over him in just 2 months... completely unrealistic.

I do not think that you need antidepressants at this point, but you need to find a counselor with whom you would feel comfortable enough to open up. In your situation talking is so much more important than antidepressants. Plus, you are able to work 7 days a week, so you are highly functional - you do not AD's at this point but do need to grieve-grieve-grieve as J-B said.

Do note though that working 7 days a week can lead to a burnout and then you would have a big tangle of problems - burnout from excessive working and grief over lost dreams. If there is a way to get one day free and just walk in a park or watch movies and cry, that would be quite helpful. You have been dealt unfair, hurtful, devastating cards.

[coco197]

thank you hb. I DO feel like I have been dealt unfair cards, and it helps to hear someone else say it. I have a hard time grieving because it feels like self pity, and have never been allowed to feel sorry for myself. I can hate myself no problem, but self pity has never been allowed. I know the relationship is o-v-e-r, but in my head it never stops haunting me. why her and not me, why do I love someone that clearly doesn't love me (this is not the first time), why why why. anyway, thanks.