not being allowed to be upset

i'm starting to realise why I can be passive aggressive, its due to me always pretending I am fine when really I am quite upset with someone. the problem I think is stemming from my interactions with my family. if I am upset with my parents they often try to twist things so that I shouldn't be upset, they throw things at me knowing I don't know how to answer it and having to engage with them in a friendly way, forcing me to be friendly. they simply will not accept accountability that they may have caused me to feel bad (they both have serious issues with accountability) but my father especially will try and twist things so that I am forced to change how I interact with him, and simply won't respect that I am upset, in a very controlling way he won't allow me to be upset. don't ask me how he does it, he employs all sorts of manipulating and scheming ways of doing things but it always works and I end up somehow pretending I am fine. he creates these uncompromising situations which I have little choice apart from causing a real shitstorm. I would just like to be allowed to be upset and for people to respect that. because this doesn't happen, I end up projecting my anger and frustration on other people with passive aggression. I hate that I do this but its like my hand is being forced and its become second nature because of all the years of doing this. anger has got to find a way out somehow, i've learned that it cannot be controlled, it just festers and swims around inside you and then gets worse and worse to the point where it is like a volcano, it needs to get out somehow. I think I need to feel I can express that I am upset, this process of being honest with myself is very important to me.

Writing out your feelings, expressing your feelings in a trust worthy situation , recognizing they have a problem, getting out of the situation by going to another room,talking to a pet, expending some of that angry energy on cleaning your room,sweeping the walkways, organizing your drawers or anything you can do that is positive, go for a walk ,run, punch a pillow, anything to help release that feeling and don't depend on them changing, take care of yourself!

You're correct, I believe. Anger does have to come out once it has developed. Hopefully it can come out in constructive ways not destructive ones. Your parents, by their methods, are forcing you to develop alternatives that are unconstructive, if not destructive.

When I was growing up, many years ago, children were not allowed to express anger toward parents. And I will tell you that the circumstances of my growing up were such that I had allot of anger. But since no one talked about such things, & I could not express it, I just swallowed it. As a result, I'm still angry all these many years later.

I hope you can learn ways of releasing your anger in constructive ways. This may necessitate some therapy services at some point, if not now, then in a few years once you are on your own. If you find yourself still feeling angry & taking it out on others in passive aggressive ways, then you may want to consider seeking out some therapy services. Once these kinds of ways of dealing with anger become engrained, they can be difficult to get rid of, even once the reason for them developing to begin with is gone. My best wishes to you.