[Lostdeepinspace]

ARRGG! this is a RANT... !
I am tired of my family constantly coming to me day in and day out... wanting money... or favors! EVERY SINGLE DAY! Can you feed the dogs for me... can you lend me this... can you lend me that... can you do this for me.... can you do that for me.... F$&% !!! Yet when ever I need a favor and help... or even just someone to talk to.... they are to busy or cant be bothered!

Today I was at work and my cousin from a completely different country than me sends me a facebook message to wire him money so he can buy presents for his kids! Just because i own my own business doesnt me im gonna dish money out anyone at any time!

My mom calls me at my office today to ask if I can go feed the dogs after I get off work..... SHE IS DOG SITTING FOR ANOTHER PERSON SO SHE WANTS ME TO DO HER JOB! And the worst part is I asked her why she cant do it and she says because shes being lazy!

for F%$& sakes!

I am tired of people coming to me for everything. DO IT YOURSELF!

How do I cope with this with out getting super PEED OFF!
Any suggestions?

[kaliope]

it is really simple.......learn how to say NO........then they will stop coming...if they dont get what they want from you they wont bother asking you. if you find it impossible to say no, because we all fear people not liking us, at least get some of your needs met in the process. have them sit down and chat with you before you give them an answer. let them make you dinner, clean the bathroom, get something for what you are giving to them so you dont feel so used.

[Lostdeepinspace]

Originally Posted by kaliope

it is really simple.......learn how to say NO........then they will stop coming...if they dont get what they want from you they wont bother asking you. if you find it impossible to say no, because we all fear people not liking us, at least get some of your needs met in the process. have them sit down and chat with you before you give them an answer. let them make you dinner, clean the bathroom, get something for what you are giving to them so you dont feel so used.

Thats exactly how i feel ... used. And when i need someone there for me.... nothing. I help as its my nature. I own my own business which is in the hospitality industry so my job is to please people...... I wish I could just say no .... so much that its building up inside..... gonna explode!

[shezbut]

You can say no. It just takes lots of practice. I second kaliope's ideas.

[agatha9]

I can relate to this. It's a lot like what I've been feeling the whole year. I don't have money, but anything they need, guess who they call? I joke of being costumer service or technocal support, because they call me even when they just need to put their cellphones on vibration.

And yep, I can't say no. I don't know why, but as much as I need to tell them to go and do things themselves, as much as I would like to tell them that I am not their servant, I end up doing all kinds of things. What I've learned to do is as simple as don't pick up the phone, don't answer their texts, don't read their emails or private messages. If I can't say no, then they won't find me to ask for anything.

I think sometimes they need to do things by themselves. It's not just that I am fed up, but also that, for example, my uncle needs his daughters to take care of him, not just me! My cousins also need to look for his father if they don't want regrets later. I need to stop buying my single aunt so much because she is spending all her money on someone who is just using her. Sometimes we need to teach them to be responsible and we can only do so by not helping them everytime. So, if I know I won't be able to refuse to do what they aske me to, then I just disappear.

Good luck!!!

[Lostdeepinspace]

Originally Posted by agatha9

I can relate to this. It's a lot like what I've been feeling the whole year. I don't have money, but anything they need, guess who they call? I joke of being costumer service or technocal support, because they call me even when they just need to put their cellphones on vibration.

And yep, I can't say no. I don't know why, but as much as I need to tell them to go and do things themselves, as much as I would like to tell them that I am not their servant, I end up doing all kinds of things. What I've learned to do is as simple as don't pick up the phone, don't answer their texts, don't read their emails or private messages. If I can't say no, then they won't find me to ask for anything.

I think sometimes they need to do things by themselves. It's not just that I am fed up, but also that, for example, my uncle needs his daughters to take care of him, not just me! My cousins also need to look for his father if they don't want regrets later. I need to stop buying my single aunt so much because she is spending all her money on someone who is just using her. Sometimes we need to teach them to be responsible and we can only do so by not helping them everytime. So, if I know I won't be able to refuse to do what they aske me to, then I just disappear.

Good luck!!!

thank you for this. I have been trying very hard not to respond to the phone... but sometimes.... its just to darn hard because i live in a small town and people just walk to my work or house.... Cant hide my car in the driveway.... or sit in my house in the dark.... so they find me no matter what..lol. Im just tired of it thats all.

[Lemon Curd]

Try researching & reading up on assertiveness.
It works.
Please don't allow anyone to victimize you,
to the point were you feel you need to "hide" in life.
It's a very sad choice on how to live your life.
I wish you strength & courage my friend.

[JadeAmethyst]

Please practice some before saying no when feeling p.o. makes for some mighty passive aggressive results sometimes. Silly stuff, but it happened in my family generations....
good luck and it's your health, take good care of YOU!

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Lostdeepinspace

ARRGG! this is a RANT... !
Any suggestions?

"I'm sorry, I can't do it this time"

"I'm sorry, I'm not available to help you right now"

"I'm sorry, I'm busy and won't be able to assist you"

It's the 'nice' way of saying NO : )

It may only feel difficult for you at first but you'll get the hang of it. The people who are constantly coming to you for things have made a habit out of it because they know you will oblige. A couple refusals of unreasonable requests and they will get the hint (message) quickly and start to leave you alone or they will search for someone else to take advantage of.

[Lostdeepinspace]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

"I'm sorry, I can't do it this time"

"I'm sorry, I'm not available to help you right now"

"I'm sorry, I'm busy and won't be able to assist you"

It's the 'nice' way of saying NO : )

It may only feel difficult for you at first but you'll get the hang of it. The people who are constantly coming to you for things have made a habit out of it because they know you will oblige. A couple refusals of unreasonable requests and they will get the hint (message) quickly and start to leave you alone or they will search for someone else to take advantage of.

YES THATS IT.... I feel people are taking advantage of me. I will work on politely saying no and saying Im sorry before hand might be a handy way to break the ice
Thanks!