I didn't ask to be here, and i am angry at my parents for producing me and now i am in a nightmare i can't get out of.

the end.

[IowaFarmGal]

I hope you can find a way to salvage some happiness in life. I'm sorry it's been so hard for you right from the start.

[Fuzzybear]

[wing]

I know I've had those feelings, too. I hope they pass soon.

[ThisYearsGirl]

I totally hear that and feel that way too sometimes. You must be feeling a lot of pain to want to say/write that and I understand. It will pass.

[Sprite22]

Hang in there IT!

[Steiner of Thule]

*pat pat*

[Thunder Bow]

Have you tried flushing all those bad feelings about yourself, down that Illegal Toilet? Try it. I think you will feel better.

[Eymvee]

I can relate. I find it helps to accept you are here and that you are allowed to be angry sad, etch Perhaps some insight can help a specific problem you're having?

[Yoda]

[Lostdeepinspace]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I didn't ask to be here, and i am angry at my parents for producing me and now i am in a nightmare i can't get out of.

the end.

Is there anything in particular that is making you feel that way? We might be able to give advice if we knew exactly whats bothering you?

[shortandcute]

Lots of hugs to you.

I was not able to make anything out of my life anyway. Just never fit in anywhere. I wonder what's wrong with me, whether i'm congitively impaired or what else is going on. Probably nothing interesting, just your standard oddness.

[winter4me]

...is the darkest hour just before dawn.........how long is an hour.......hang in there, you are so worth it.

[Fuzzybear]

[CapedCrusader]

Oh no. Please do not hate your parents. Parents are everything. You know what, when you feel old, you will look for your Momma or your Daddy, you would say "Mom, Dad I hope you were here and see my successful career, see my family, my wife, my babies, my kids."
As times pass by, you would realize how it feels to be a parent. How you struggle to provide needs to your children.

i will never have my own family or career to show them.

They also should not have gotten together. Two nobodies making poor decisions, nothing more.

[winter4me]

Time to let them go, like flotsam----they may, or may not return in another iteration ---
I never thought I would have anything...and lately, I wonder if I am about to lose what there is...still here, watching for the next raft that might come my way...
Take care of yourself IT...we need you here.

I am feeling better, feel like resuming meditation to try and combat these feelings.

[Thunder Bow]

Forget all those shoulds. You seem to have more going for you than what you want to admit to yourself. Actually you have much more going for you than average. Forget all the cultural norms and go with what you got, and you will go far.

Here is a lizard for your imaginary cat:

[ArthurDent]

thanks for that...and lol...sorry liz

I'm with Thunder Bow on this one, IT. I'm not sure that you realize the gifts you have. Recognize them (the gifts). Acknowledge them. Then they will become more pronounced.

[WantToGrow]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I was not able to make anything out of my life anyway. Just never fit in anywhere. I wonder what's wrong with me, whether i'm congitively impaired or what else is going on. Probably nothing interesting, just your standard oddness.

Your message could have been written by me. I have the same feelings, and have had those "wish I'd never been born" thoughts many times in my life. I've also felt that I don't fit in and never reached my full potential, or what I believe to be my potential. I have blamed my parents and felt that I could have been a stronger, more confident person if they had done things differently.

I now am coming to the understanding, though, that I was perhaps genetically programmed to be this way despite anything they did or could have done, and they were never abusive to me. My dad was a doctor, both he and my mom expected us to do well in school just because that's what you're supposed to do, and when I struggled I was chastised to do better - never got the pats for getting A's....I always thought they could have done more to make me have better self esteem and the confidence to reach to my potential. I do think I'm a smart person but it is totally underutilized and I live under the umbrella of fear of judgement and perfectionism.

I have also felt that I was the oddball throughout childhood, especially once I hit puberty. I was a wall-flower from then on, had few friends, felt socially awkward.

I am 49 and now investigating ADD, in the process of diagnosis. When a friend suggested I have it, I laughed, but when I investigated it online, everything I read explained me! At least I felt like there might be a reason for all the depression and feelings I've had all my life.

I don't know what the answer for us is, Illegal Toilet (dying to know what that user name is all about!), but know you aren't alone, and it is great that you came here to voice those feelings. I know how hard that is. No one is comfortable hearing it from us so you find yourself totally alone and hiding those inner thoughts. I know I go around feeling that I'm putting on a facade to others, that they don't know the real me and would probably run screaming if I revealed my true, raw, inner self.

I find great comfort in forums like these, though, and writing and sharing where it is safe really helps.

Hopefully, you are feeling better today!

[Thunder Bow]

How do you know that? If you showed your true inner self? Most run screaming from fake facades.