Why is being rude and disrespectful "cool"?

I've seen it with a lot of celebrities, people I work with etc. But why does purposely insulting others make people feel good? I get the feeling that it makes them feel "strong" or like they're being "honest", but I don't get it.

In middle school, it happens a lot because the coolest kid is usually the meanest one. And the same thing applies with adult co workers. My best friend gives me constructive criticism but that's different than insults.

I have hurt people before because I'm closed off and honest when need be, but I don't feel good about it or use it as an identity. I don't know how people sleep at night knowing that they upset someone.

A lot of that can be contributed to the "Napolean COmplex" i think. most people who are bullies and generally insulted tend to have insecurities that they are compensating for i.e insecurities about themselves or their lives. Insulting others make them feel like that are above you.

I don't really get it either, I've never had any feeling of pleasure when I've hurt someones feelings or made them feel bad even if it wasn't even my intention. I mean honestly even if someones been mean to me I'd feel more sad about being mean back than happy.

This also upsets me. I also hate it when people are damn right rude and cover it up by 'only being honest' ....These people have issues themselves and it makes them feel better to treat ppl badly to elevate themselves. Some people don't understand that being rude is different from constructive criticism. These ppl are just bullies under cover and see them all the time!

Constructive criticism should focus on the issue not the person themselves ie. You could do a better job washing the dishes.

Insults are attacks ie. You can't do anything right, You're lazy and you'll never amount to anything.

Notice the former is honesty, while the latter is abusive.
Telling someone that they could do a better job is giving them the opportunity to fix their mistake. Name calling and judgements label them, which no one has a right to do.

I don't see it much myself. The vast majority of people I know are polite and courteous. I don't have any interest in celebrities so I wouldn't see it with them. Even during my school years being rude and snarky would not go over well unless it was with someone else rude and obnoxious. Guess I was just lucky ?

I never considered that being rude and disrespectful as being "cool".

I guess I see it in a couple of different lights, especially when I don't know the person and their background. They may have been brought up by rude and disrespectful parents and that's what they learned. But as adults, they should have the ability to know what's appropriate and what isn't so they can change their behavior.

Then, there is the thought that maybe they are very closed off people, afraid to let anyone close for fear of someone really getting to know them. Being rude and disrespectful will certainly keep people away from them if that is their issue.

And then, there is the thought that these folks have no empathy or compassion for anyone. To me, that's the scariest thing to think of. The other 2 reasons I mentioned can be fixed, teaching empathy and compassion is most difficult.

I think I know what you're talking about when you say "cool" to be rude and disrespectful. I think it's an adolescent mindset that never matures.

Also its some sort of show of "importance". Typical Narcissistic personality disorder that's over taken their every waking thought, behavior and moments.

Yeah, it makes them feel good.

Because you can see that that is of no value, and that the value is in compassion-- I think You're the more important person

Dont' let them get to you. They're showing their own problems.

I agree with what most people have already stated, especially Ambivalent. I think that maybe some people lack empathy and they aren't even aware that they're being rude at times. Maybe their parents never taught them any manners. That can be used as a sarcastic way to let them know what an idiot they're being, maybe even as a joke by saying, didn't your mother ever teach you any manners? lol!

Sometimes some people are just stuck-up jerks who think that they're better than most people. If they somehow perceive you as being "beneath" them in social status, than it seems to me as if they think it's OK to treat you like crap. Other times when they see that their friends are being rude and getting away with it, I guess that they feel the need to do the same in order to fit in and be seen as "cool". It's really lame and sad.

Other times some people are just plain mean and sadistic and they get a sick thrill from seeing other people getting upset at their reactions. They are often angry and unhappy people. A lot of them are narcissists who lack empathy. It's all about them and when you don't kiss their butt, they hate that and end up lashing out at you when you don't do what they want when they want. They're just entitled brats.

This question was something I asked at a really young age, the first time I set foot on a school bus and right away witnessed the horror of my older brother's world on that bus.
He was bullied and picked on severely and relentlessly.

My therapist told me that children actually can be savages and bully in an effort to gain power and control over other children. However, some of these behaviors come from what they see taking place in their home too, even learning to misbehave for attention.
Often what can happen with children is that if their parents are not involved with them in a constructive way, giving them healthy attention and providing a structure where the child gains pleasure and attention from being productive, they don't learn that and can develop these hurtful behaviors.

Unfortunately, some parents bully their children and hit them and are very bossy. Children are so maleable they actually learn to behave that way as well.

I was also bullied in high school, and I even asked the one who bullied me "why the violence". Apparently, because I was taciturn and passive. (I know I'm 'gentle' enough not to hurt the other person, even if he kills me. After all, that would do me good. But then I managed to stop the bullying with kindness.) Although why would anyone find that offensive, I don't know. But I realized there does not have to be a reason for it. I think it is a punishment for being different from the abuser or to refusing to serve his highness? It is also a way to show "this is your lowly social position, so I can get away by doing this".

When I was paying the tuition fee in the secretariat, and came back more times to split the higher fee, the secretary told me that I was exceptionally honest - as in, ready to pay the full amount, with no embezzlement. I'm not a very social person, but the cue I got from this is like: morals seem to be come by rarely these days, huh...?

To quote a book:
"Every young adult has the potential power to help the entire world. He just needs the right guidance and support. Without such guidance these youths have turned into selfish beings with a very self-centered view of life. For their own worldly comfort and happiness they will prey on others. He who renounces his own happiness can make others happy."

In my opinion, I think it all has to do with someones self-esteem and negative experiences in their life.

If you think about it, seeing things through, for example, a high self-esteem in someone, they're generally confident and overall happy with themselves and others. Someone with a low self-esteem are most likely the self-loathing type or overall jealous type when it comes to others.

Whether or not someones a bully or clearly disrespectful and rude, all people in comparison to this trait are one way or another in this state for reasons of either a harsh past experience, bullying by parents/family/friends, denial, attention, jealousy, or simply trying to cover up negativity or acting in a way to shut people out. Someone with low self-esteem will do anything just to bring someone else's self-esteem down below their bar. It's kind of sad to see how awful a low self-esteemed person's jealously, anger, and extreme dramatic behavior has become and all because someone seems better than them when they aren't. They want to bring people down low, so you'll feel what they feel and to show off that they are superior instead. Victims of low self-esteem need to feel secure and when they notice someones esteem is above their level, they attack. Soon the innocent victim becomes the pray and the pray no longer has to feel like the victim.

It's almost like a cycle of who's bigger, who's smaller. Who's superior and who's inferior. Almost to say,

'I'm bigger and better, I need to be mean and rude so people with fear me, that way no one can hurt me or try and bring me down.'

Being someone with very low self esteem I'd really have to disagree with that. I do not get any pleasure or sense of security from attempting to make anyone feel bad just because they have higher self esteem...of course if someone is being a real jerk I may try to throw a come-back at them, would probably try and physically defend myself if they physically attacked. But glad to see the stereotype that if someone is bullying/harrassing someone they must have 'low self esteem' and then people wonder why people with low self esteem don't just 'get over it' perhaps blanket generalizations about people with low self esteem do not help matters?

Also people with healthy self esteem are quite capable of bullying, though perhaps they have different motivations than people with lower self esteem who resort to bullying and harassing others.

People always bullied me for being different, and I never understood the logic.

Because it's human nature. Humans can argue on the color of a flag(!) ad infinitum, because they'd all like their own favorite colors represented on the national flag. Not until laws or a rule or a social hierarchy (where the ranked/superior guy will make the call, riight) is laid down that the bickering will stop. But nope, the arguments continue within the circles of passionate individuals who'll think the flag should not be in such colors, and this never ends. So good luck on reaching a consensus and dream on about uniting the nations worldwide.

Let me quote from what I've learned today:
"There are two traits every human has in low or high quantities: Will for superiority and fear from the different. First, every group, homo- hetero- transexual and possibly others will search for ways of being superior to the others, that is, look for ways to have more rights etc. That's why they will never be equal. They just can't be, because of the human nature. Second, each human being is somewhat "afraid" of the ones that are different from himself. For example, "Homophobe" means someone who is afraid of homosexuals. Such behaviour can be to some degree overcome, but deep inside the individual he will still loathe the different from himself, even if he doesn't show that to the others. And this is why we can't have tolerance. This era you speak of will never come, however optimism is a good thing. Human nature is in most cases a cruel thing that we can not overcome, since it is simply what we are."

Even though that was about sexuality, but I see the same logic applying between simply different groups/personalities of people who cannot come to an eventual understanding with each other - but the loathing and resentment and hate and bickering continues as long one is willing to argue back. Love it or hate it, this repulsion is natural; you can be strong to be able to hide it, but...even if you don't want to resent or hate someone, maybe it's not your choice not to do so (yes, you may not show it, but in your inner side, it still happens). As long as you have this disturbance, there is a high chance that you will retort with a comeback (due to your human nature/will/ego being hurted): that's when you argue and talk back, or even use violence, get angry, etc. Bearing this passively is called tolerance, but that has its limits too, and then it will recoil with a greater energy one day.

(As long as you're with like-minded people who agree with your opinions and likes, there is no problem, right? Once they start questioning and differing, is when the issues begin...)

Even if the human nature is evolving, it will - on a certain point - always get stuck in the same fundamental 'errors' or 'mistakes' that are unchanging. When you look at it objectively, the human nature is something permanent, and it can't be improved or degraded in any way. Maybe if science experiments with our biological aspects, lol and tries to improve them to advance further - there won't be much change otherwise. Human nature can be altered a bit, maybe. But not in the long run. It will always fall back to its basic tendencies. But not like it matters that much though, so don't worry, be happy...

If you want to get out from this cycle, you need to get detached from your human Self who believes he owns things and does things, basically your ego and intellect (i.e. to reach a state where you're free from both the body and the mind). That is spiritual enlightenment. It is not something you can achieve alone with your own efforts though. I've been trying, and only came to understand the teachings, and their importance. You could try for a thousand years and still end up failing. You'll always fail, because there is this Will/ego, which will stand in your way. Your opinions and contrasts won't disappear, and you will keep on creating your subjective world of a warped reality.

I've been searching for a working howto, and now I'd say the only way is to seek the grace of the Gnani Purush, as only a lit candle can light another. Considering that Dada is no longer alive, the only option remaining now is Desai. I'd like to meet him someday, sometime. Consider me a fool, if you want, I think that is the only way to progress forward.

I myself was bullied for years starting with so called friends who turned on me for no apparent reason back in 6th grade all the way up to h.s. The worst bullying came from other girls mostly and a few guys that knew them. The bullying was at it's worst in Jr. High. H.S wasn't so bad. A few mean girls would insult me as they passed by me here and there, but I mostly just ignored them.

I was to passive and very shy back then, so I was an easy target, especially since I never had any friends who stuck up for me. I guess that they were afraid of being bullied themselves. When I was in my 20's and 30's, but mostly in my 20's, my husband sort of bullied me and so did my MIL, sister, and parents. My sister and parents were always bullies, but to make a long story short, I finally stood up to all of them for good and started being brutally direct. I would scream and yell at them if I had to.

I wouldn't back down one bit whenever they tried to force me to act or think a certain way, or do things that I hated such as spending time with my husbands rude friend who'd only end up ignoring me when I was around them. They'd rudely talk in their own native tongue and my husband ended up telling me that it was my fault that people didn't want to socialize with me as I couldn't understand the language. He expected me to learn his native language so that I could communicate with those jerk friends of his. Uh, hell no! It has been a long battle, but I finally won the war- I definitely stick up for myself now 99% of the time.

Even if I don't say anything, if someone is being rude and obnoxious, I'll at least give them a dirty look, lol! I don't take crap from anyone anymore! So I rarely get bullied by anyone anymore! I think that bullies like to prey on those that they think are "weak", "shy", passive, those that won't fight back or be resistant towards them in any way, people with few to no friends, those who are different, those who are alone, etc....They are cowards who aren't that happy with themselves or their lives.

They are often angry people who think that they are better than other people, and that other people need to bow down to them for whatever reason. I think that most of them are narcissistic people who lack empathy for others. Bullies suck and I hate them with a passion. I'm every bullies worse nightmare most of the time now, LOL!

BTW, it has come to my attention that one of my friends on here was being bullied and harassed for some of his issues. Because of that, he's planning on leaving this board- If anyone on here is ever being harassed or bullied by anyone on here, let me know, and I'll have your back.

Like I said, I despise bullies with a passion! I'll report them and get them to back the hell off as best as I can. I'm really good at dealing with most bullies w/o going to overboard and getting myself into trouble-

i agree about the human nature aspect topic. human nature allows the bad to seem to win, when actually the good one wins in the end, no matter how long we have to wait. Tolerance is also a factor, if we tolerate, it isnt such a bad thing, Karma or human nature makes what goes around comes around!!!! Although sometimes we need to judge our actions based on consequences, we should be ok. there are circumstances where we need to discern for ourselves.

some people just dont have the same empathy or consideration for others as you would want or expect and there is no reason to analyze why. that is how they are. just stir away

What about those people who purposely do things they know annoy you?
Seems to be a trend in the area I live, that if someone finds out you don't like something, Then they go out of their way to "tease" you about it.

While having a meaningless conversation about different perfume types, and what we like and dont' like, with my co-workers.....I happened to mention I hate White Diamonds perfume.....suddenly EVERYONE in the office has a new bottle and flaunts it around me.... and giggles about it when they spray it on themselves right next to me. And they do it EVERYDAY until the bottle is empty.

It's like, really? WTF is wrong with you!? How is that funny, EVERY DAY?

Wish my mind was that simple to see the same humor over and over again.

That is weird, are they all very young? Such behavior like spraying perfume you hate seems very immature . What kind of industry are you working? I teach high school and can't imagine my colleagues doing it and even my students don't ever do that. Like spraying something someone hates? Who are these people you work with? Seems so strange...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Perhaps the 'humour' comes from seeing you get cross over their childish antics. Perhaps they see it as a game, like a rather nasty school playground game, and have not thought through how you might be hurt by this.

Another person might see it as an admittedly rather puerile, workplace camaraderie sort of thing and laugh with them, and thereby disarm them, saying, with a grin, something like, 'OK you bustards you got me this time'. They will like you better for it. Sometimes even the mightiest oak has to sway with the wind (I am quite pleased with that lyrical touch).

Very good point. I've often thought they were trying just trying to have fun..... I guess I just don't find the same thing they find humorous.

You could categorize me as being one of those abusive types. I learned to do it because of the crowd i hung around. Everyone did it to me so i kinda just did it to other people and it was just natural. It wasn't like we meant what we meant and i didn't understand how it affected people who weren't in that crowd and how bad it makes people feel.

Thank you for offering your side of this subject......I'm curious, what was the purpose of being the 'abusive type'? Like, what did it do for you and your crowd?