[ticktock4]

My apologies in advance if this is the wrong forum to post it. I'm not exactly sure where else to turn to for advice, as this seems to be a 'laughable' issue (please don't judge), but is not close to serious enough for seeking 'professional help'.

Long story short: sexual violence, rape, strong sex scenes or cross-species animal sex upset me beyond measure. In fictional movies, real porn, TV series, etc. it doesn't matter.

Even if I read about a movie containing such scenes, without ever seeing it, if someone I know has seen it, it will get stuck in my head and will stay with me for weeks. Lately whenever I read "50 Shades of Grey" I need to be alone, control my breath and focus on something happy to calm me down. I project these negative feelings also on the people who watch these kinds of things. This has caused me to grow feelings of resentment towards my partner, who enjoys watching certain movies that contain sexual violence (American History X, 50 Shades of Grey, etc.) or, for example, Saw-based porn because it's 'funny'.

I'd like to self-analyse and get better, but I can't find anyone or anywhere on the internet a similar issue. I've had this for as long as I can remember, even as a kid. I don't know what to do with these feelings. Whether to accept or ignore or face it or learn to avoid the triggers or what... I don't even know where it comes from.

The sex can be male-on-female or male-on-male, both trigger me.

I'm fine with blood, gore and violence within limits. That's not an issue.

I'm 24 years old, male, gay, monogamously partnered, healthy personal sex life. Had an alcohol & drug addiction for 3 years, so during this period this issue never really bothered me.

Hope someone could point me in the right direction for self-healing before I destroy my relationships over this... Thank you in advance.

Hi ticktock4: I am an older male who is has struggled with being transgendered (MtF transsexual) all of my life. However, I've always lived a pretty-much normal male life, for the most part. (It's a long story.) However, I find that my transsexual yearnings are triggered, sometimes unexpectedly by particular pictures of women, videos (such as on YouTube), & sometimes by women IRL I encounter. And it's not necessarily pictures, etc. that are of a sexual nature. It's often just a picture, etc. that is pretty-much just run-of-the-mill, as the saying goes. But there's something about it that triggers me.

Anyway, long story short, I am a student of the ancient Tibetan Buddhist practices called "Lojong", as taught today by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. (See my signature quote below.) Basically what this involves is accepting what comes to mind with lovingkindness & compassion, acknowledging it, & then letting it drift off of its own accord. This is how I handle the thoughts that come up when I am triggered. It works for me... for the most part...

Of course, another thing I try to do is to simply not expose myself to things that I suspect are likely to trigger me. I have a YouTube channel & I have dropped my subscription to other YouTubers' channels in the past, when they began uploading overtly sexual material, because this can also be triggering for me. My father used to say: "What the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve for!" (He loved sayings... as do I...)

There is also a form of therapy called: "systematic desensitization". In this type of therapy a person is gradually exposed to increasing amounts of whatever it is they are afraid of so as not to arouse their fears. The length & degree of this exposure is slowly increased over time until the person is able to conquer, or at least manage their fears. This type of therapy is often provided to individuals who have become so fearful they cannot leave their homes. I would imagine that something like this might work in your situation as well. Of course, you would need to find a therapist, or program, that is experienced with the implementation of this type of therapy. But it might be worth looking into. My best wishes to you.

[divine1966]

I don't have particular advice but I understand how you feel. There are many things that bother me and unless I must be exposed to them for whatever reason I just avoid them. So if 50 shades of grey bother you don't read it don't watch it (I don't) . If sexual violence bothers you then stir away.

Now your partner can still enjoy it but not in your company. He can go see these type of movies with his friends and see other kinds with you etc I do not think it should destroy a relationship at all

I never watch horror I just can't so I don't sure men I've been with tried to convince me. Nope. I'll be in the other room with headphones on or you go to the movie theater with a friend and will wait for u here.

Good luck with this and please never feel you must stick around something upsetting, you don't



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[PianogirlPlays]

Why shoudn't it? It is awful period! I try to watch good things and read good things but get caught sometime by a mistake in choice of a movie. Horrified by surprise violence.

[JJBX]

I don't think this is laughable at all. Rape is greatly upsetting to any sane person because it's a violent crime committed for the sole purpose of taking control away from someone's own body. That is a scary thing indeed. Perhaps it resonates with you because you have similar fears of being stripped of control or of any kind of forced intimacy.

My husband actually has a strong reaction to any fictional depiction of rape as well, but he is a heterosexual average male. The way he has explained it was it started because he saw a movie (The Crow, I think) where the beginning of the movie started with a gang rape of a woman in her apartment. The boyfriend was shoved off the balcony and died (and he came back as a vengeful spirit). But the violent scene was shown through the girlfriend's perspective. It was very terrifying to my husband as he was pretty young when he saw it (about 10) and it just stuck with him. It resonated with him becaus through that depiction, he was put in the shoes of someone who had experienced that violence, so from then on out, he just couldn't help but empathize whenever he saw any kind of fictional depiction after that. News stories bother him too.