[hvert]

I am not really sure what to call these feelings, but they really bug me.

I find that I tend to analyze events and read things into them that might not be there. I spend a lot of time worrying.

Like I just started working somewhere part time. I recently learned that they hired someone full time with a very similar job title- and this is after they were unsure that they even needed someone full time to begin with.

Ever since I heard this, I've been worrying about it. I've sent messages to a few friends to find out what they think. I've asked a couple of people at the office, which has just made me more paranoid as no one else knows about this new hire.

I *always* do this. Sometimes my take is right. Sometimes it's not. Whether I am right or wrong, I waste an incredible amount of emotional energy on this worrying.

Has anyone overcome this sort of thing? I think it may be related to a pessimistic outlook on life - I always see the worst outcomes.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi mvert

There are lots of different terms for emotions.

Your anxiety stems around this statement I believe (my personal opinion here please)

"I recently learned that they hired someone full time with a very similar job title- and this is after they were unsure that they even needed someone full time to begin with."

I can only respond from a personal perspective.

When I feel this way, it is because I feel insecure.

This is the emotion that I feel when I feel that I don't meet up to other's expectations. And it can lead me self doubt and feeling paranoid.

So yes, I have done this before.

And I have had to concentrate on the positives of what I do do instead of the negatives.

Easier said than done, this I do know.

But if we continue to focus on that in which we perceive we do not do well we never give ourselves recognition of what we do right.

And I am quite sure you do do things right.

Hang in there and please think about what you offer your organisation that isn't negative.

[hvert]

Wow, that was hugely perceptive, picking up on 'insecure.' That's it exactly - no matter what I am doing, no matter how good I am at it, I always feel like I am not good enough - and I'm always on edge, thinking that other people will notice this as well. I project that insecurity and other people assume that I must be right about it. It's really damaging.

[narcoleptic4444]

This is the same stuff that I do. It really gets me down, but it's only after someone has been snippy with me. Some people treat others like crap when they are insecure, as has recently happened in my case. I sure hope that I can get a better job and get out of the one I am at. I don't like it. If you make one mistake, or display any insecurity, the office gossips spread it around the damn building, as is currently happening to me. It sucks and I can't stand it. I work with some people who just blab about everything. Yet on the other side of the coin, they are supportive in some ways, but idiots at other things.

[hvert]

Narcoleptic, I've been in that situation too and it's bad. The weird combo of negative/positive is actually worse in some ways than all negative, because you start to have hope that things aren't as bad as you think.

I hope you can find something better or figure out how to handle it. I'm starting to think that I want to just figure out how to get over this stuff, because I keep running into the same situations.

With regard to mistakes, I own them quickly and matter of factly and do not over apologize. If I screw something up, even something huge, I say 'I did that. Here's how we can fix it.' No massive apologizing or trashing myself in front of others.

I have been thinking more about what Hooligan said and will try to put that into play today, focusing on the value I add rather than insecure thoughts about the things I get wrong or don't know.

[Thunder Bow]

I think you are just picking up on the dishonesty of your employers.

[niceguy]

have you considered they liked you both so much, they couldn't decide?

Maybe the other person had more experience, but you would prove an asset as well, so they did what they could which was to offer you a part time role.

[hvert]

This particular situation is sort of complicated by the fact that they wanted someone full time but I would only agree to part time.

The mixed messaging at this place feels pretty intense. I am trying so, so hard to not read anything into it.