[Thought+Broad.Girl]

hello..

today i am thinking about my own bi-polar disorder.

I am schizo-affective so i have delusions as well as some degree of bipolar disorder.

anyway i was thinking about things. and why sometimes i feel "special" compared to other people. now these 'special' feelings aren't always positive, but i Do feel a sense of being "different" compared to people around me, especially to those considered to be known as "normal. And sometimes i wonder if the fact that I usually feel less then worthy in life is sometimes the reason why i at times have a heightened sense of self-worth, like everyone is paying special attention to me alone.

my conclusion? Trauma. I have been a victim of incest during my early childhood ..it happened during my early childhood and continued into my early teens.

anyway bipolar. is an extreme of emotions. ranging euphoria to major depression disorder.. and sometimes i wonder if the reason my emotions and self worth go to these extremes is directly related to self esteem problems i experienced as a child.

I am drunk right now so don't take what i am saying to heart if it doesn't feel right to you~!! :P

[CANDC]

So sorry for what you endured and experienced abuse as a child. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are a survivor and aiming to deal with it. But it is hard without a therapist and guide specializing with surviving abuse. Be careful because self medicating with alcohol can lead to further depression. A better alternative is a psychiatrist that can diagnose and prescribe meds to keep you stable.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.