[Yismymindblank12]

What's really triggered my paranoia and suicidal tendencies is feeling imprisoned. Feeling forever stuck in one or anywhere.
I hate my existence feeling stuck here. I hate wanting to work to be stuck. I'm mad because I don't think like everyone else. I hate myself for that. Feeling like a scared caged test rat all the time. Everything scares me because I don't know if its real or its going to hurt me. I can't deal with my number one fear is dying unloved and unaccomplished. Working my *** off for nothing. So the journey everything becomes a scary experience. I get freaked out by anything because it reminds me how little time I got left I'm in a rush to get things done and then again I feel it can drive me to off myself suddenly from being overwhelmed. I can't deal with this now. Please don't hurt me!

[avlady]

parinoia causes you to feel imprisoned? i feel that too sometimes, i'm getting older and have mental issues which make me unable to work. i wish i could work and have that sence of purpouse. i feel suicidal sometimes but know i won't do it. i just want to feel needed too.