[SilverSprings]

Hi all, I found this place through the bi-polar forums.
Newly diagnosed and its pretty crazy but relieving all at once.
I just wanted to say my therapist and I are working on a list of 'coping skills' in order to help stop the madness. My partner came to therapy last time, we both are to make a 'coping list' ... since I get really overwhelmed easily. Typically will start nasty fights and threaten my partner. I have tried to say and do just about everything in those moments of rage and even resorting to some forms of violence but typically i am a screamer or a runner however. I deal with abandonment issues, Trauma, Maladaptive behavior, co-dependent relationship history, drug abuse and an eating disorder. Its allot!! I have experienced a lot of stuff. None of which taught me how to cope properly.

An example: Just yesterday my partner and I went golfing, .. I have a phobia about other people joining us. We were a 2-some and on the end of 2nd hole, another 2some (dad and son) ride over and say that the starter told them to join us :O Holy F crap batman. Something happened- a switch flipped- I fought back tears... I freaked out..giving my partner crazy eyes and told him "WTF is going on here!! this can NOT happen, I will NOT play, i cant play with them. no way. i hate this game. i am done , never playing again! " I was boiling over. I could feel the rage and fear building fast.
So, my partner said to the 2 guys: "Excuse me- do you guys mind playing up ahead of us?".... (i was crushed and devastated and relieved all at once). I spent about half the round angry at MYSELF, chain smoking (i recently just about quit) and drinking beer. that is not normal! I know that. I couldn't stop it at the time. When i finally calmed down..... and apologized (i am having to do this so much... too much), things became well again. However, I am aware this is not the proper way to cope. In life- we all have to face things we dont want to, or fear. For some reason, despite pushing myself to be more social, sometimes it just gets the best of me

I did this to my Ex-Husband and I refuse to completely torture my present partner. I refuse! So... i did it. Last night, I took my first pill! I had picked up my new prescription earlier in the day and decided enough was enough! It is scary but this prescription might start the journey to save my life, save my relationship and help create a new, more free and sunnier way for me. Or so I can hope. Combined with therapy and patience of course. So- back to coping...

Any advice on how to cope, how to learn to cope, to replace the crazy rage / over-reactions/anger with something more 'sensible'?

I recently put together a "911" box, in my bedroom. It has things in it that I can utilize to help calm me down. I am not always able to turn to the box, because sometimes i refuse to do it. (the bi-polar kicking in there). However, with the right meds now, hoping i can suck up defeat or trials easier, and just get on with things.

I still wonder- why i never learned how to cope properly. It is such a shame. I am tired of the swings, of isolating or being totally overkill social. Hiding with shame, it really sucks! My partner just wanted to have a fun day. He dropped a lot of money on that as a treat for us. I know that he shouldn't have to fear that my inner 'crazy' will come flying out like that. It is just over the line and childish!
Thanks in advance for any tips or thoughts.

[BLUEDOVE]

Search 'Mindfulness' and 'A.C.T.' therapies.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm pleased for you that you have positive action plans in place and are working on this proactively SilverSprings.

I always say anytime we need to change something in order for our own sanity and mental health to heal, it needs to begin with us.

I hope that for you, you find a sense of peace and comfort in your relationship moving forward.

Thanks for sharing this with us