[winterglen]

Whenever I screw up, which is a lot, people are always saying it's okay. I have a hard time believing that they mean it. They are probably just saying it so they can look like they are the nice, sane, mature person in this interaction, and I'm the f***ed up villain.

I've played this game so many times before. I screw up, I apologize, they say it's okay and it's not a big deal, but later they're ranting online about how they were greatly bothered by this stupid girl who is absolutely useless and they always have to do more work because of her and "why don't they just fire her already?" Then they'll speculate about how I must have grown up spoiled rotten and if someone had given me a good beating I so richly deserve, I would know how to behave. I see those comments all the time on line. (No, not usually directed at me, but this is how people think behind their nice, forgiving faces.)

The worst part is, I can't accuse them of being mean, because I 100% deserve their anger. I'm the villain of the story, not them. I deserve every harsh word and every violent wish directed at me, because I'm not as smart or as hard working as they are.

I'm trying to do better, and I understand why they can't tolerate my problems. I understand I have to be much better in order to be accepted in the world. I don't think it will ever happen, though. So I shouldn't be mad at them for criticizing me. If I didn't want to be criticized, I should just stop screwing up.

[mattjstead]

Originally Posted by winterglen

Whenever I screw up, which is a lot, people are always saying it's okay. I have a hard time believing that they mean it. They are probably just saying it so they can look like they are the nice, sane, mature person in this interaction, and I'm the f***ed up villain.

I've played this game so many times before. I screw up, I apologize, they say it's okay and it's not a big deal, but later they're ranting online about how they were greatly bothered by this stupid girl who is absolutely useless and they always have to do more work because of her and "why don't they just fire her already?" Then they'll speculate about how I must have grown up spoiled rotten and if someone had given me a good beating I so richly deserve, I would know how to behave. I see those comments all the time on line. (No, not usually directed at me, but this is how people think behind their nice, forgiving faces.)

The worst part is, I can't accuse them of being mean, because I 100% deserve their anger. I'm the villain of the story, not them. I deserve every harsh word and every violent wish directed at me, because I'm not as smart or as hard working as they are.

I'm trying to do better, and I understand why they can't tolerate my problems. I understand I have to be much better in order to be accepted in the world. I don't think it will ever happen, though. So I shouldn't be mad at them for criticizing me. If I didn't want to be criticized, I should just stop screwing up.

You live your life for YOU. People are people and people will talk. Let them send all that negative energy out, you just continue focusing on learning from your mistakes and becoming better one step at a time. :-)

*Hugs*

Matt S.

[Crazy Hitch]

Winterglen I'm kind of in the same headspace as you so far as where you say

"If I didn't want to be criticized, I should just stop screwing up."

I believe this to be true, for me, personally.

And the way I'm going about this is for me to reflect on past mistakes. Yes, I've made plenty of mistakes but the only way I can grow and move forward is to reflect on these things that I need to change and keep moving forward.

Easier said than done, I know, but I am practicing this daily.

May you find a sense of comfort soon

Thank you for sharing this.

[Dog on a Tree]

Hello there, those people who are mean and talk and pretend to be nice to you, there not worth your effort or energy. Your not spoilt or weak at all. I know you can prove to the world that your strong and capable. You can do it!
Your not a villian, ok?

[BLUEDOVE]

Please don't do this to dear self, you setting self up for misery
and saying you DESERVE IT! Think this over:If you keep on
seeing it is OK for them to criticize you, the payoff is,you do
NOT need to stand UP for yourself----a neat way of avoiding
conflict?
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE