[Yismymindblank12]

This is ****ing cruel, like I demand something to go right. I'll make it go right and if not. I'll make anything go right, because it's all wrong. It's not my perception, I am out of 3 grand from a hells work of being treated like **** at my hourly pay job for music equipment and working my *** off to get ahead in what I am passionate about, but my computer hard drive crashed and my money stolen. I am supposed to make a comeback and if it doesn't. I'll run away to be homeless and starve myself to death. I am at a point of

Possible trigger:

wanting to die so badly

, because people give me so much ******** and not enough results.

I am either talking to the wrong person or the right person who doesn't care.
I'm sick of trying to fit into someone else's agenda, I don't care for love. Everyone can take that **** somewhere else and leave me out of it.

Feeling everyone failed me, yeah I'll forgive them, but in the end I get screwed everyone's memories forget rather. I don't care to live here with people like this. It's hell to leave here and it's like an impossible climb. I never felt I wanted to go run away and

Possible trigger:

die alone somewhere where no one can find me.

Feeling like you just want to disappear, because you feel like you are the problem that everyone you believe cares messes you up badly from my mom taking all my money to being in poverty because of it. Then everything you work for seems too damn expensive, feeling like you have to be wealthy to make it anywhere in life.

Feeling that everyone won't help you, unless you are some kid with cancer, some person with some bizarre messed up situation. If I lose anymore weight and end up to like an unhealthy weight again where my life is in danger. They'd tell me to tough it up and don't worry about it. That's what I see it's cruel and I don't want to live here.

Possible trigger:

I ****ing hate these white trash heroin addict ****s

who only care about shooting up and bringing their drama to my work.

I hate being yelled at for doing my best and treated that doing everything possible doesn't help it makes things worse and I get further unnoticed. That my body has been not doing well lately where it's constantly difficult with a constant strain of internal weakness and difficulty seeing at many times from the back of my head and stiff person syndrome, rather I don't get help from anyone. My therapist is my venting station. My friends don't give a ****, since I'm not like them, with their issues I have to maintain the respect when my parents did have money.

It's ****ed up how people think I'm not doing anything when I got my hard earned money stolen from me.

Some people are so impersonal telling me to better myself, when I'm doing all I can, and that's not enough I tell them to leave me alone and they do. They aren't the people I want to be around and that if I want a gf or whatever which I wanted intimacy that I lack period, I have to be better myself and it's like an impossible thing. So I don't think about relationships period. I may as well plan on choosing to be single all my life and that's ok even though yea I'll suffer my issue of no intimacy or feeling accepted period.

Ok, my concern now, is not wanting to disappearing from the world and be homeless accepting this is where I'll die someday later midas well be now, or try to work a job I don't give a single crap about and live a life where I don't care about. Some people want it, I don't.

[healingme4me]

Can you contact the department of labor to receive money owed you? Hopefully you can get your computer back up and running.