Out of control emotions causing behavioral problems

Whenever I get upset (or anxious), I have a very difficult time speaking and I've actually become mute a couple of times. Often it isn't because I don't want to speak; I'm just unable to make the sounds. I'm forming the words in my mind but I can't articulate them. And I keep being bombarded with questions or someone will try to comfort me with touch and I panic and shut down further. And I have no way of indicating that they need to leave me alone for a while because I can't communicate.

And I don't understand how I can be fine one day and then have a severe depressive episode for about 24 hours or so, then be fine again. I tend to become mute and/or unresponsive during those times too, but it seems to last longer than the anxiety/panic "episodes".

How do I communicate that I need to be left alone when I'm unable to communicate. How do you explain when touching me is an inappropriate response to my distress (because it isn't always). I don't know if I can even give a hand signal because I usually try to not move or give eye contact or anything when I've become temporarily mute. I'm just desperately hoping they'll just go away and leave me alone but there's no way to communicate that.

I've been told I've been acting like a 10-year-old. I just want it to stop.

You are not acting like a 10 year old. Seeing a Therapist can help with the emotional and communication troubles. Best you can do now, is limit your exposure to those who press and accuse you.

Unfortunately, I'd have to isolate myself in order to limit exposure to people.

I'd like to see a therapist but it seems that either they don't see anything wrong or they can't handle me because I'm VERY resistant. Basically, I have a need for instant results/rewards otherwise I want to quit and become resistant to trying and sticking to new things.

I.Am, it sounds like you have good insight into what your problems are. When you say you don't understand why you can be fine, then depressed for 24 hours, then fine again. I would GUESS (emphasis on guess) that something triggers you into an avoidance reaction, which is the depression, then when you feel comfortable again you come out of it. I'm just suggesting this because that often happens with me.

If you know you're resistant, it may just be trial and error of finding a T and in your first meetings talking to them about your goals and letting them know, hey I'm going to resist, but I need you to keep pushing me so I stick with it. You may have to try a few Ts before you find one who understands how you need to be handled to keep you working towards your goals. Some Ts just listen and some Ts do a full on treatment plan with goals and objectives, etc. It sounds like you need the latter. I have had Ts who weren't so proactive as to actually make me work, but those that do, that set goals and we work towards those goals (and they're always small goals and we take baby steps), those are the ones that I notice I have improvement around, versus the T who listens to me rant about my week. As much as I'd love to rant about my week, my current T works very hard to keep me focused on the present and how to deal with my situation now, not focus on the past, and move forward so I can have the things I want.

So why not try a few different Ts out, explain to them you need goals and objectives and you need someone to really keep you accountable so you stick to it? And you know that you won't stick to it, so maybe you're ready to exercise your own discipline and keep at it. I think you're strong enough to. You are strong enough already to know what your struggling with. It'd be one thing if you didn't know what you were struggling with, but you do.

Best of luck,
Seesaw