What the hell? Can I say hell? I don't know how to process this.

This thread could go under so many things, depression, anxiety, coping with emotions, survivors of abuse, etc. I have no idea where to put it so I'll put it here and hope for a response.

I received a phone call today from an unknown number. After excessive ringing, I picked up the phone, she said hello and I knew exactly who it was - my mother.

She sounded hyper - almost manic, but maybe just happy? I don't know. I knew I would not be able to keep up and I just started taking notes.

She told me that she is coming to visit my cousin in three to six weeks, and asked if I could meet up with her.

She told me that she is working with refugee children and wants to create a home where she takes them in and cares for them (like a orphanage but not really, I guess?)

She has multiple sclerosis, and said that the MS Foundation is paying for her flight to the US.

She told me that she spent yesterday with my brother (who is apparently out of jail now), bought a smart phone and adopted two kittens.

She told me how she met a woman at the post office who she answered a question for. She then, invited her for coffee and then after coffee for dinner at her house. Sometime while the two were out, they met another woman (details unknown) who they also invited to come over for dinner (who also agreed). On the bus on the way home, they met an African man who asked what was going on, so they told him they were going to dinner at my moms house and they invited him too - he agreed. So apparently they had a dinner that night.

Then, she told me that in the past when I had called her, and she called me, that she didn't handle it well and acted stupidly (her words). She said that she was in a deep depression and could not respond to me as her child. She said that she is healthy, and wanted to start new with me from this point (basically wipe the slate clean). I told her that I was happy that she was healthier now.

She then started talking about my brother and his girlfriend, and how she wants to be there if they ever have a baby. And then about some special birthing process she learned about.

She added my dad again on facebook.

She asked if I was planning to get married or have a family.

And then said she was sad when the convo came to an end, and asked to speak to my grandmother.

I have no idea what i'm feeling right now. I tried to think of a healthy tool to use to help me process my emotions, but I don't know, my head feels like its spinning.

The one thing I can think of is that in my current battle with depression (and just short of a month out of daytreatment), I can understand where she is coming from when she said that she was not able to respond to me as her child. I get it. I don't understand how, in the magnitude of depression I am recovering from, I could not understand or forgive her when I, too, have felt those same overwhelming emotions.

The trip to visit her is just under 14 hours. If she gives me enough notice, I will go visit her. Part of me feels like she will forget to call me though. So i'm not making any set plans yet.

I'm really lost right now as to what to say/feel/do.

Maybe don't try to process anything for the time being. Put it on a mental "shelf" and go do something else for a while. Something either fun or relaxing.

Often you'll find when you go back to something, having taken a little break from it, answers are waiting for you when you take it up again. It's like a part of your mind continued to work through it while you were distracting another part of your mind (if that makes sense....)

Here is what I would do:
Go meet her, but not as a child and mother. Think of her as a relative or friend if you can. You know by now that you will be an emotional wreck if you get your hopes up and she fails you again. Mental illness can be excused but that does not take away the pain. I hope you meet with her and come away being happy about it and not regretful.

(And I think you used the word "hell" in the right context. )

There's no rule that you have to process all that before meeting her.

It sounds like your mom is truly contrite about the past. I think it might be worth your while to give her a chance.

Update: It's been two months; haven't heard a thing from her. I guess we know where things stand now.

Maybe she was manic that last time she called you..sorta sounded like it from the details you gave????

You say she suffers from depression. Is it possible that she started taking antidepressants, a new antidepressant, or had a dose increased which caused her to go manic/hypomanic? (I've had it happen to me....I'm not bipolar but I have been sent hypomanic due to antidepressant use. I can't handle anything that messes with my seratonin levels.)

My thought exactly, what tealBumblebee is describing sounds like mania to me. Did she even come to the country? Were you able to process your feelings in the last two months?

Hey there,

I completely felt the same way - that she sounded almost manic. Having been diagnosed with hypomania myself, I would say it wasn't impossible. I'm not sure if she came to the country. If she did, she forgot about me as I thought she would. If she didn't, then she didn't. *shrug* It's honestly whatever. I think that due to this lesson, i've finally made peace with accepting her for who she is but choosing to value myself as well by inviting/allowing her into my emotional space.