I need to make sense of it all. I need to make sense of my thoughts,and emotions. I've buried for so, so long. Everything has been hidden away. Emotions have been flung and locked away in room in me. My memories are in a vault. Or so, I thought.I've been triggered a few times this week. Each trigger has made a nice big hole in my memory- vault. Each trigger has torn down a portion of that room that holds my emotions. They're coming at me.

There's so much anger there. So many reasons to cry. They're bombarding me. Distracting myself has been wearing thin for a while now. And I'm happy that it is. I need to deal. I need to work through these thoughts, these emotions.

I know they tie in my past. My past is badly affecting my present. It's affecting friendships, my reactions to events, my worth, my everything.

The thing is I don't know how deep this goes. I've lost my temper so many times between yesterday and today, whilst dealing with ONE memory. Just one. I'm in the process of making peace with it. I haven't even made a dent. I know that. There's a lot in there that needs to be dealt with. And for the first time in a long, long time, I'm not shying away from that. I'm ready to deal.

[Thunder Bow]

What is that memory? Are you in Therapy?

[IrisBloom]

Your mind needs to process these feelings. Let yourself cry if you need to. Recognizing what is going on in your head is quite a lot of progress. You can and will get past this.

[Curry]

Hi Yezeena88

Thank you for your out pouring of such honest emotions. I send you a gentle hug for as long as you need one. Little things help me when I am feeling overwhelmed and can't see a good landing place ever. I watch a good T.V. show, go for a walk, go to the library, call a friend; life can always be a little sweeter.
Lately I keep buying food, chips, fruit, candy. I don't eat it, I just store it like I am making a bunker in my dining room to shore up my emotions. Food always gives me a heads up to look at the things swimming in my deep emotions. Building a bunker means sharks and giant squids.