[kala83]

so things are better then they have been before in the past.

but my nerves are still feeling the stress of dealing with two people living with me at home.

I love them both.
but both of them have a horrible habit of not just suggesting thing to others but telling others what to do in general.

So even though I am making time for myself out side of the home because I constantly feel on edge that something I might do will irritate others I don't ever fully feel like I can sit back and relax.

I am seeing a therpist again here in town and I am seeing her on an actual regular basis....which is good but honestly I do not like this lady at all. I think for some reason she she gives off an impression to me that she wants too many changes to happen all at once.

I also notice that I should probably use other outlets to vent off steam either about myself and what I am going through or subjects I feel strongly about cause she has made it clear from her actions that my wanting to vent about things and just talk about multiple things in session her mind is "not keeping focused"

I don't know for scertian if I do have ADD but I seem to have ADD like tendancies. As well I am just a person that works off scientific facts I probalby have a bad habbit of over anlyzing things to find out answers I want from things.

I just do not feel like me and this new girl really work with each other. My mom lol never even meeting her thinks she i great for me but her opinon on things change fairly often.

I know if I continue feeling like I don't feel ok with going to this new therapist I will keep going to see her but will stop when I find somewhere else different to go.

anothet thing that horibly annoying. I have started working again I am actually doing online work...doing web cam modeling.

I know that I have had bad history with my sexuality with being molested and taken advantage of for it. But doing sex work, without having to have sex with other people and the control of a laptop that's right in front of me its empowering to do.

but of course with the kind of work I am doing there is NO way I can tell my mom about what is going on. And she is fairly nosey about things she tries to talk me into letting her look over every single thing I do.....

I know she views it as being helpful, I view it with a lot of anxiety and worry since I feel like she is just waiting for me to trip up and make some sort of mistake. She doesn’t do that kind of thing all the time but she has at point in the past gone out of her way to look for mistakes I made and she has used them against me.

I feel like doing what I want to do to earn money in my life is totally my own say to do ...but I will agree with the idea of that doing something like that.
would be a lot easier to get done and feel not as disrespectful to her views of things if I was living in my own place. But I don't want other kinds of jobs....I don't want to work in fast food or in a call center...again they are not jobs that I like.

now doing something that has to do with art, with human sexuality I can do that. I enjoy things like this ...but my family thinks that when I do things like that i am "the black sheep sinner going off on her tangents" so what? why is being sex positive and being a feminist a bad thing? why is sexuality a very common human need bad? cause society tells us so?? lol yeah like that’s not been proven wrong millions of times over.

[Thunder Bow]

Best to move out on your own, and do what you like doing.

[kala83]

that is the goal for right now just actually saving up money so i can get to that point is a lil slow going at points.

[specialneedsmom]

Well of course, the obvious answer is move out. But not everyone can afford to earn enough money to move out on their own. It sounds like web cam modeling doesn't pay enough for you to rent your own place. My advice would be to find a room to rent in someone's home, which might be more affordable than an apartment. Or get something really cheap like a garage apartment.