[missatomicbomb]

i'm having trouble with my feelings... or lack of them. the thing is when it comes to relationships i just can't feel anything for anyone, even if they show interest in me. everyone seems to have lots of crushes... but i don't. i went on a date with this guy who was really sweet the whole time but i felt nothing at all. it's like i don't have a heart. i also have trouble believing in anything they say to me. it seems like my trust issues have reached a whole other level.

that happens with friendships as well. i have a friend i have deep affection for, and that's all. can't connect with anyone else

has anyone been through something like that? i don't know why i'm so closed up like that, but i end up completely alone and unhappy

[CopperStar]

Do you fantasize about romance a lot while having no interest in it, in real life?
Do you experience internal emotions about fantasy things, but little or no emotional response to real life situations/people?

A lot of schizoids are reportedly quite lonely on a very deep level, some do not even recognize it.

Do you identify with SPD at all?

Schizoid Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

Of course it could be many other things, and only you would be able to know for sure, from the inside looking out. But I'm curious because lately with lots of reading on the different PDs, I'm finding that I relate a lot to SPD, but it's a very covert, secretive sort of thing for me, I guess. But I get the same outward effect going on, as far as having a hard time connecting with real life people.

I think part of it can also be trauma-related.

[tiger8]

I have something similar but I didn't realize that was a problem outside the relationships that were supposed to be romantic, not just plain friendships. It kinda started at age 18 or so for me? The schizoid symptom list you linked doesn't fit me though. For example I do take pleasure in sex and other activities just fine. Part of the list did fit me at age 18 though but at that time I noticed very quickly that something was wrong. I soon somehow managed to get some emotionality "reloaded" (out of sheer luck?). Until then, I could not feel at all for a while, was completely disconnected emotionally from the world and people, I didn't even get as much pleasure out of sensory stuff, felt partially disconnected in that sense too. Pretty f*cking detached overall and I stopped seeking out anything social for a while. I just withdrew from the entire world and stayed at home. I could pinpoint the triggers for that reaction but I do not understand them. Well then I slowly got - somewhat - restored to normalcy, meaning my baseline. My baseline was always somewhat detached but not to the schizoid pd degree. But yeah, even this normal baseline didn't fully get restored, only partially, and so for a long time I didn't really have close relationships on my radar at all. Then some desire did come up a couple years back...? It's all really confusing and it triggers really weird crap in me. The positive side of it is that I do lately feel like I'm getting more quality relationships developed between me and a couple friends. Still no idea about the romantic side of things, tho'.

@missatomicbomb how old are you if I may ask?

[mk10022]

Dear missatomicbomb,

Every word you said in your post is what I am, have been and don't know how to get the "walls down". I have built a fortress around me. I appear to be self-sufficient to others that meet me, sometimes they envy me because I am still attractive. Little do they know that I have absolutely NO idea how to interact with anyone. I can go out on 10 dates and on each one I can't connect, I smile - but it's a smile of "nervousness". I can't wait to go home, take my makeup off and curl up in my bed. It takes so much energy to let anyone near me, I am always on my guard. My T explained to me that comes from not being taken care of or loved as a child. Well, I still have a problem interacting with others, would that be at work or socially. It's sad, but I have awareness and pray that I can have some form of a relief and make friends.

Best to you, ad thank you for your post.

[missatomicbomb]

@copperstar i relate with a few symptoms of SPD, yes. not all of them though. i do have this need for close relationships but that just doesn't happen with anyone. i wasn't familiarized with SPD before, i'll look up for more information about it.

@tiger8 i'm 21. i don't know what may have triggered this, i mean i've always been a reserved kind of person with only few friends, but looks like it's getting worse with age.

@mk10022 wow, i can relate to everything you said. i noticed there must be something wrong with me when i started going on dates and while the other person seemed interested, i felt nothing at all. it's like you said, it's like we've built a fortress around us and can't let anyone in, and that kills me because on the inside i don't wanna be alone. hope things get better for you!

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by missatomicbomb

i'm having trouble with my feelings... or lack of them. the thing is when it comes to relationships i just can't feel anything for anyone, even if they show interest in me. everyone seems to have lots of crushes... but i don't. i went on a date with this guy who was really sweet the whole time but i felt nothing at all. it's like i don't have a heart. i also have trouble believing in anything they say to me. it seems like my trust issues have reached a whole other level.

that happens with friendships as well. i have a friend i have deep affection for, and that's all. can't connect with anyone else

has anyone been through something like that? i don't know why i'm so closed up like that, but i end up completely alone and unhappy

I'm like this too but it has nothing to do with trust issues and trauma. I've always been like this. It is a part of having autism spectrum disorder.

I've never really had much success in making friends and forming connections with people. It is really hard for me to figure them out. I have managed to make one good friend though which is enough for me.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by missatomicbomb

@copperstar i relate with a few symptoms of SPD, yes. not all of them though. i do have this need for close relationships but that just doesn't happen with anyone. i wasn't familiarized with SPD before, i'll look up for more information about it.

@tiger8 i'm 21. i don't know what may have triggered this, i mean i've always been a reserved kind of person with only few friends, but looks like it's getting worse with age.

@mk10022 wow, i can relate to everything you said. i noticed there must be something wrong with me when i started going on dates and while the other person seemed interested, i felt nothing at all. it's like you said, it's like we've built a fortress around us and can't let anyone in, and that kills me because on the inside i don't wanna be alone. hope things get better for you!

Oh you're just 21? I'm sure you can fix this then, I was much less aware at that age of my issues. I did notice something was wrong but I certainly did not seek help, did not try to fix it at all, I just didn't pay attention...

Which symptoms of schizoid pd do you relate to?

It's normal to not automatically be interested in the person who's interested in you. Just because someone's into you it doesn't mean you have to reciprocate their feelings, lol. What would be not so normal is if you are always incapable of interest.

I recall I had crushes just fine until age 18. Then something happened that I still don't really understand and as I said, I became like the schizoid pd stuff. Then returning to baseline... sexual interest was easily there for me but feelings not really until about age 24. It may have also been luck because I did meet someone at that age who I did get interested in for some reason... that didn't work out for other reasons. Now I'm still like at 24, still have a hard time feeling anything in a romantic setting etc, except that there is that weird confusing crap I mentioned that started coming up at age 28. Now I'm 32.

[missatomicbomb]

@tiger8

i realized there must be something wrong with me because while everyone seems to have lots of crushes all the time, i never get interested in anyone who's reachable, if that makes sense. when i do have some sort of interest it's totally platonic, like i have with my gay friend. but even in that situation, i don't really have the urge to kiss or have sex, i just feel like i need some sort of physical contact, so holding hands or hugging is enough for me. but when it's about other guys, i'm not even capable of those things. i'm so disconnected from everyone a touch is enough to make me all awkward. i feel like i'm not capable of real interest and it sucks.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by missatomicbomb

@tiger8

i realized there must be something wrong with me because while everyone seems to have lots of crushes all the time, i never get interested in anyone who's reachable, if that makes sense. when i do have some sort of interest it's totally platonic, like i have with my gay friend. but even in that situation, i don't really have the urge to kiss or have sex, i just feel like i need some sort of physical contact, so holding hands or hugging is enough for me. but when it's about other guys, i'm not even capable of those things. i'm so disconnected from everyone a touch is enough to make me all awkward. i feel like i'm not capable of real interest and it sucks.

OK I see, were you always this way, even at, say, age 13-14?

[missatomicbomb]

Originally Posted by tiger8

OK I see, were you always this way, even at, say, age 13-14?

i think so, yes. my interests in people were always platonic and experiences like my first kiss came really late. i wasn't aware there was something wrong though. back then i used to have more friends though, and i wasn't as uncomfortable with physical touch from 'strangers' as i am today.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by missatomicbomb

i think so, yes. my interests in people were always platonic and experiences like my first kiss came really late. i wasn't aware there was something wrong though. back then i used to have more friends though, and i wasn't as uncomfortable with physical touch from 'strangers' as i am today.

Try to socialize more with friends? Go out more often in general?

I don't know what steps you could take in terms of romantic relationships.. the only one thing that comes to mind is, if you don't find you can connect with someone you went on a date, don't force it, try someone else next time, possibly with some people you can find a connection more easily

I do think it's a good thing you realized there's an issue in this area, very good first step towards a solution, hopefully

[hillarydove]

How old are you? If you are below 20, don't worry. I went through exactly the same feelings when I was your age. It'll all fall into place.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by hillarydove

How old are you? If you are below 20, don't worry. I went through exactly the same feelings when I was your age. It'll all fall into place.

Nah. Mine started before 20 and it didn't fall back into place automatically.

Action needs to be taken to resolve such things in time. Unfortunately I didn't know that back then.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by missatomicbomb

i'm having trouble with my feelings... or lack of them. the thing is when it comes to relationships i just can't feel anything for anyone, even if they show interest in me. everyone seems to have lots of crushes... but i don't. i went on a date with this guy who was really sweet the whole time but i felt nothing at all. it's like i don't have a heart. i also have trouble believing in anything they say to me. it seems like my trust issues have reached a whole other level.

that happens with friendships as well. i have a friend i have deep affection for, and that's all. can't connect with anyone else

has anyone been through something like that? i don't know why i'm so closed up like that, but i end up completely alone and unhappy

This is an old post, but I wanted to reply.

If we're only talking romantic relationships, you could be asexual and/or aromantic. Nothing wrong with that

Now you say you have "deep affection" for a friend. That sounds like a connection to me - why do you disagree? What's lacking that you think you should have?

I have a sort of similar issue, in not being able to connect with people on any kind of deeper level, my relationships are mostly superficial. Yet I want it, maybe even idealize it, but shut down as soon as there's a possibility of it being a reality. I've asked about it here, and some think it's a type of fear of intimacy. So that's a possibility.