I wish I was normal

My body almost killed me last night and today it's really taking a toll on me to do day to day activities. I really hate my body and I wish I could do a lot what most people can do without worrying about my medical issues cropping up and ruining my help and having others judge me for it, until they realize I'm telling the truth. Having a neuro muscular disorder is a living nightmare. One day you're fine, but then over time your body turns against you where you can't pick things up at a young age I am, I really hate how it's so irregular and when happens so severely I'm very much convinced it's capable of killing me in the moment. Like last night, I called 911 about it and I was so angry how the officer assumed it was heroin or crack cocaine and meth in his words he kept pushing himself on me for about 30 minutes about I'm lying and I need to tell him truth I'm glad my mom set him straight, because I was really scared he wanted to throw me away in some jail cell to charge me with anything in a profile and I had a medical emergency. I was hesitant and wasn't in my right mind, because my body wasn't acting normal. I hated how helpless I felt that I could die and nothing they could about it or I can do.

It's like if I had a wish it's just to be a normal teen and young adult and got rid of this part of my life, where I didn't have to worry about not working out and working out can cause this to happen and working and not working can cause it to happen. Waking up too early or too late or anything causes the back of my head to go crazy and every time I get an IDK or who knows? from specialists makes me really want this to stop.

I really felt it robbed what's left of my young adult life in addition to everything that's been bothering me, but this is something I hate dealing with the most where I don't have any control and my body controls me.

I was on an IV of addavan a muscle relaxer, it helped somewhat, but my body was still shaking and tight in some areas, but I fell asleep which helped the most woke up felt very weak, but still feel like I have no hope in this situation.
I really hate how some people get media attention and spotlight for their things and always get what they were needing regularly I can't get any of it once. It makes me feel I wasn't supposed to be upset that I'm going through this and feeling guilty to be upset about it, because I don't feel good enough to be alive to have a functioning body. I can't describe how many days if people actually considered what I said, and not give me sympathy and let bad things happen to me all the time and just don't care.

I'm really sick of people doing this. It makes me so mad I can't get the finances to get any help or treatment. I know one day this will and has gotten bad where I have lost my jobs before and they assume it's because I was a bad worker, but they didn't know on the last job I was suffering from this and didn't have a diagnosis or anything to show or that I needed help. I constantly cried about it and I was in pain today sharp pain in my lower abdomen and spleen area and it was so bad I kept crying today and what people do in my house ignore me and assume it's a cold or something.

I swear if I did die from this it's on them not me. I hope this community where I live would be ashamed of itself how badly they just let the worst happen to others.

Hugs for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'm sorry to read of your struggles, Yismymindblank12. It is difficult enough to be battling illness. But when no one will listen to you or try to help, it must just make everything that much worse. I hope that, in some way or other, you can find the caring & help you need to make your life as positive as it can be.