[Slowbrains]

Have not cried in years. Laughed couple of times this year plus thrown couple of "haha" to a good joke. What the heck is going on? At least i'm still able to hate this situation... I know it's not because of medication.

Alcohol can make you numb. Meds can make you numb. Depression can make you numb.

Is this is what may be happening?

[MiddayNap]

I don't feel emotions most of the times, I like to think it's pretty normal.
If you once had emotions and now do not, then it may be something to watch. Could you possibly be suppressing your emotions?

[Slowbrains]

I used to be quite emotional and sensitive person when i was young. I began to have depression about 20 years ago and it was untreated until now. Actually right now i started wondering if have woken up somehow to be able to see this.

Alcohol must have been another driver for it, i'm pretty sure. I've been cutting down my drinking about a year now quite successfully. I might relapse sometimes, but it's nothing compared to many previous years. Aiming to be completely sober...

I just wish there's nothing gone permanently wrong with me...

[MiddayNap]

Originally Posted by Slowbrains

I used to be quite emotional and sensitive person when i was young. I began to have depression about 20 years ago and it was untreated until now. Actually right now i started wondering if have woken up somehow to be able to see this.

Alcohol must have been another driver for it, i'm pretty sure. I've been cutting down my drinking about a year now quite successfully. I might relapse sometimes, but it's nothing compared to many previous years. Aiming to be completely sober...

I just wish there's nothing gone permanently wrong with me...

Hey! My father is a bipolar alcoholic too! Small world.
AA has helped him quite a bit, but it mightn't be your cup of tea if you aren't particularly religious. Methinks it is more the support that's helpful than it is the religiosity.
Congratulations on your progress.

Also, forgive me of my conversation-skills are a bit wrong. I don't human often.

[Big Mama]

Hey there. Sorry I am a little late coming in on this subject. (on the plus side maybe this will give your thread new life) ANY WAY... I was reading threw friends stories this morning and came across yours. Your thread made me think.

I have a huge lack of association with feelings. I totally understand the "throwing in a haha" at a joke. I am not real sure what my own laugh sounds like. I ache to cry, my chest will hurt, my eyes will hurt, but nothing. I was led to believe as a youngster that if your feelings were not positive then keep it to your self. And laughter was annoying. Children were to be seen and not to be heard.

In my case as time went on adding some abuse to the situation, and having someone evil feed off my emotions. (joy if I was hurting, anger if I was happy) I just learned to skip the emotions all together. Now I cannot seem to reclaim my emotions at all.

I shared this with you to show that not all lack of emotion is chemical related. Though I will agree psych meds do dull emotions, that is for sure. Have you had events in your life that may have led to being tought to ignore your emotions?

[Slowbrains]

Thanks i needed this Actually gave me lots of hope! Now, thinking back i grew up in emotionally unstable family with my dad being incredibly unpredictable and mom being like "shh, that's how he is now, let's just wipe everything under the carpet..." (Omg we had kinda f*** flying carpet which anybody could see except us kids)

I think dad was bipolar like me but never had a decent treatment. (70's -80's there wasn't much i think)

I learned to be aware 24/7 not to piss him off. but the problem was that pissing him off didn't require a logical reason. Scratching his car could be like ok' it might happen to everyone. Leaving shoes wrong way on hallway might end up whole family's shoes thrown out of front door

I'm on my 40's. I should be over it. But that's still quite big part in my cocktail. Thank god i have meds to be able to not pass this to my kids. Or at least i hope i got meds early enough to do minor damage.

I love your post, made me think and gave lots of hope!