[MacEvan]

It’s interesting how one emotion gives rise to another, in a kind of automatic process, unless you acquire the habit of self-awareness. I posted the other day about shame. Here is an experience from my teenage years, of fear (or perhaps anxiety), followed by shame, followed by anger. I was casually skimming through a magazine, and started reading someone's description of having a heart attack. I think that that idea used to frighten me a good deal. The person in the article described pains in his chest: I started to feel a pressure weighing down on my own chest, and a strange sleepiness. I think I broke out in a sweat. I had time to wonder what was happening to me. I was frightened, I think I wondered if I was having a heart attack. My eyes closed, and I don’t remember any more until they opened, and I found myself slumped in my chair. It felt as if I had just closed my eyes for an instant, and for a moment I hoped that was what had happened. I felt weak and confused, and still, I think, frightened. When my mother told me I’d fainted, I think I tried to deny it, but realized that that was useless. So I’d fainted then. (Why, I still don’t know: I suppose it may have been some kind of anxiety attack.) Until then I’d always been afraid of the idea of fainting, and a bit smug to think it had never happened to me. Now it had. I think I explained to my mother about what I’d been reading about when I fainted, but she was clear I hadn’t had a heart attack. I felt very ashamed of myself and then I felt angry. I remember getting up and walking around in a fury.
I forgot about this event for years (it is pretty trivial after all: it’s not the sign of an underlying health issue, and nothing like it has ever happened since). But since I remembered it I’ve found it hard to forget. My first explanation of my reaction is that I was ashamed to be seen fainting by my mother because it brought up childhood insecurities, and I was angry because the self-image I’d created to screen those insecurities had been punctured; as if by being angry I could somehow wipe out what had happened. It now strikes me there could be a kinder explanation. First, I suppose most people would be embarrassed at fainting, as we generally are whenever we lose control of our bodies against our will, and with someone else there to see it; so maybe my feeling of shame was pretty typical. Secondly, it’s frightening to faint, at least if it’s never happened before, and don’t people sometimes get angry when they have got over a fright? I believe there is research showing that cursing and swearing can help us cope with pain. Maybe my anger was just a way of reasserting control over my body, rather than the rage of hurt vanity. I wish, though, I’d just accepted what had happened, asked how long I was unconscious for, been grateful my mother was there, thought about what she might have felt. But we never get to replay those incidents. Failing that, the best thing would be for me to forget about it again.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

According to some beliefs these three emotions are the core of human experience, the things that most drive our personalities. A person may be more attuned to an existential version of either of the three, but all rule our inner lives in some way.

Just a random thing to think about.

Please feel better.

[MacEvan]

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

According to some beliefs these three emotions are the core of human experience, the things that most drive our personalities. A person may be more attuned to an existential version of either of the three, but all rule our inner lives in some way.

Just a random thing to think about.

Please feel better.

Thank you for your response. I think that these are very fundamental realities, and, as you say, it is a matter of being better or worse attuned to them since in combination they can be destructive.

MacEvan - in your other post you spoke of being narccistic. Now I'm not so sure. What you describe is more that of being empathetic. You don't sound 'high on yourself' at all.

[MacEvan]

Originally Posted by rcat

MacEvan - in your other post you spoke of being narccistic. Now I'm not so sure. What you describe is more that of being empathetic. You don't sound 'high on yourself' at all.

Thank you so much for this, which has reassured me and cheered me up a great deal. I don't know much about the idea of being empathetic: can you tell me where to look?