[paradox22]

I have so much emotional pain that if I don't focus on it and try to validate it to myself it gets out of hand and makes me stop whatever I'm doing or thinking and think about the pain. I'm not functional at all but I do take showers and sometimes eat. It's like it's coming from a certain place inside of me and it's screaming that it needs to be addressed. But it's not possible for it to be addressed every single second of the day. And when I think about it it requires all my energy and I don't fight it I just don't see why if I listen to it it helps but only for a while. So I try to listen to the pain and feel it, but that doesn't make it go away it just stops it from me doing something to self-sabotoge. It's like a screaming baby that I constantly have to ask what's wrong to, but still keeps screaming. And when I listen to it it doesn't help it just screams at me harder. It's like a tornado set out to destroy me. And fear too comes with it. I was abused and I think that's the reason behind it. But I don't know how to fix it. And I get goosebumps when I feel the pain. When I actually feel it really strongly it makes me sort of stop breathing and I have to remind my self to breath again.

[littleowl2006]

Do you have an idea why you have so much pain? Usually painful feelings tell us something. Is there someone you can talk to?

[paradox22]

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

Do you have an idea why you have so much pain? Usually painful feelings tell us something. Is there someone you can talk to?

I can't talk to anyone. They would never understand and I can't explain it. But I literally can't stop shaking from emotion right now. I have no idea what it would be telling me.

[littleowl2006]

I'm so sorry You must feel lonely. Has something happened?
I think it would be good to get some support in real life, but feel free to talk here on PC.

[PianogirlPlays]

There are reasons . Other people do and can understand. You are not so different there is lots of struggle here.

wow. it is good that you are reaching out - be proud of that. You have made a step away from this pain.

I don't mean to pry, but pain is usually in reaction to something. No need for specifics. Have you suffered a loss? Are you grieving a relationship? Perhaps you are even grieving a sense of loss of yourself. What matters is that you are hurting - and that you are apparently alone.

I will not say it will get better because I don't know your circumstance. But what I will say is that we can TRY to make it better. You've made the first step - you've reached out. You get a big pat on the back for that.

I suppose the next step is finding a way to cope. All over this board I have talked about tactile coping - using touch to calm ourselves down. I use a stone. I use stretching and breathing too. And my other recmmendation is looking closely at and visualizing an object.

These methods are great at calming ourselves down - from depression, from anxiety, from what troubles us.

I've recently made some successes moving away from my own pain and grief. It hasn't been easy but learning to cope with it has given me some freedom to move on.

And that is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Give yourself PERMISSION to be in pain. But also give yourself the permission to say goodbye to it.

[mark014]

Originally Posted by paradox22

I have so much emotional pain that if I don't focus on it and try to validate it to myself it gets out of hand and makes me stop whatever I'm doing or thinking and think about the pain. I'm not functional at all but I do take showers and sometimes eat. It's like it's coming from a certain place inside of me and it's screaming that it needs to be addressed. But it's not possible for it to be addressed every single second of the day. And when I think about it it requires all my energy and I don't fight it I just don't see why if I listen to it it helps but only for a while. So I try to listen to the pain and feel it, but that doesn't make it go away it just stops it from me doing something to self-sabotoge. It's like a screaming baby that I constantly have to ask what's wrong to, but still keeps screaming. And when I listen to it it doesn't help it just screams at me harder. It's like a tornado set out to destroy me. And fear too comes with it. I was abused and I think that's the reason behind it. But I don't know how to fix it. And I get goosebumps when I feel the pain. When I actually feel it really strongly it makes me sort of stop breathing and I have to remind my self to breath again.

If you think it beyond what you can take, please seek immediate help and see a psychiatrist. Don't worry, everything will be just fine like before once you meet an expert.

[paradox22]

Originally Posted by rcat

wow. it is good that you are reaching out - be proud of that. You have made a step away from this pain.

I don't mean to pry, but pain is usually in reaction to something. No need for specifics. Have you suffered a loss? Are you grieving a relationship? Perhaps you are even grieving a sense of loss of yourself. What matters is that you are hurting - and that you are apparently alone.

I will not say it will get better because I don't know your circumstance. But what I will say is that we can TRY to make it better. You've made the first step - you've reached out. You get a big pat on the back for that.

I suppose the next step is finding a way to cope. All over this board I have talked about tactile coping - using touch to calm ourselves down. I use a stone. I use stretching and breathing too. And my other recmmendation is looking closely at and visualizing an object.

These methods are great at calming ourselves down - from depression, from anxiety, from what troubles us.

I've recently made some successes moving away from my own pain and grief. It hasn't been easy but learning to cope with it has given me some freedom to move on.

And that is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Give yourself PERMISSION to be in pain. But also give yourself the permission to say goodbye to it.

Thanks for your response, it's weird because this pain has kind of no reason for it. But maybe it's related to my new awareness of me finding out I've been abused my whole life or the abuse feelings coming out but nothing has really happened recently besides that.

[littleowl2006]

Ok - it is completely natural for that to be painful. I am so sorry! Did you see there is a forum for survivors of abuse? Get all the information you need to cope with this.
Hang in there. You can always PM me
Hug!