[itsgettinglate]

I'm not sure it matters what I call it, but I have a frequent emotional response to men who have, or who I perceive to have a significant advantage over me. I especially struggle when that advantage is beyond my having or achieving.

I believe that our emotions are signs or markers pointing us toward or away from something. Fear is announcing a threat; anger that a boundary has been crossed; joy that some benefit has come our way, and so on. They're a call to action or a signal of some action having paid off.

So WTF is envy? I guess it could be a warning that we are lagging behind, but so often the things I envy aren't within my power to have. So then why that emotion?

And my questioning whether I'm envious in the strictest sense comes from my not wishing ill will toward the person I envy, and not wanting them to lose the quality that seems to benefit them. So even though sabotaging someone else's success is a crappy thing to do and I'm grateful that I don't want to do that, since I can't typically get what they have or take it away, the emotion doesn't serve much purpose. It just pokes me with a sharp stick, and I feel unable to do anything, ethical or not, to stop it.

[lowinmood]

maybe there is a purpose to envy, perhaps it helps us to do better, to reach our goals.

maybe these men haven't got more than what you have got, perhaps that's just a perception you have due to low self esteem, perhaps it's not envy you need to work on, perhaps it's the way you view yourself. You're just as valid and important as everyone else, and it's a shame you think other people have significant advantage over you, but I'm also sure that this is just your perception based on how you view yourself.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by itsgettinglate

I'm not sure it matters what I call it, but I have a frequent emotional response to men who have, or who I perceive to have a significant advantage over me. I especially struggle when that advantage is beyond my having or achieving.

I believe that our emotions are signs or markers pointing us toward or away from something. Fear is announcing a threat; anger that a boundary has been crossed; joy that some benefit has come our way, and so on. They're a call to action or a signal of some action having paid off.

So WTF is envy? I guess it could be a warning that we are lagging behind, but so often the things I envy aren't within my power to have. So then why that emotion?

And my questioning whether I'm envious in the strictest sense comes from my not wishing ill will toward the person I envy, and not wanting them to lose the quality that seems to benefit them. So even though sabotaging someone else's success is a crappy thing to do and I'm grateful that I don't want to do that, since I can't typically get what they have or take it away, the emotion doesn't serve much purpose. It just pokes me with a sharp stick, and I feel unable to do anything, ethical or not, to stop it.

I tend to question your basic definition of emotions. Fear, anger and joy can all be irrationally generated. So it stands to reason envy can, too. In particular, joy is the benefit or "pay off."

What is it you envy? If it is things you can fix, like "he has a better car than I do" in theory you could find a way to get a better car. If he has "better hair" and you're bald; well, then the way you can "equal" him or surpass him (since this whole conversation seems to be about besting) would be to rock the best bald head out there.

The more you appreciate your own attributes, abilities, and material goods, the less envy you'll have.

[Thunder Bow]

Envy is how one compares one self to others. It usually results in feeling bad about oneself.