[papa369]

Hi: I,m a 65 yr old married man. I have so many issues I don't know where to start. I've been in counseling but can answer the T question in a way that doesn't really let him/her see me. My life from the day I was born has been T dream. There are more issues, abuses, and life challenges then one could ask for. I just want to be pain free, happy and for once find out what it's like to enjoy life. I'm a person to myself and then there is the me that everyone in the family see, and the person the public see. I'm always scared people with see the real me or read what really going on in my mind. Most of the time i'm in control, but thoughts of hurting myself or being hurt or suicide seem to take up most of my time. I scared of myself and also scared to tell anyone for the shame that comes from being weaker. Drugs, alcohol etc don't seem to be an issue. I sleep most of the day and don't want to do anything but sleep or lye in bed in a dark room. I know this isn't good. I've tried writing in a journal but in up deleting it for fear some one might read it. I feel hopeless and don't want to hurt the ones I love. But I need someone to open up to online that no one in our family or town could ever find out. This part is to protect my family as they don't deserve the negativity that could come out of it. My wish list would be a place/person that only I new and I could list all the issues and then we could figure out where to start. I know I need to start but where and on which issue has me asking the internet for help.

[TishaBuv]

Hi Papa,

There are people on here who are really knowledgable about psychology. If you write more about your issues, they will give you a lot of insight.

Yes, I've done that, too, where I don't really tell the therapist the whole deep, dark truth. It's kind of silly because they are there to help you, but I can relate.

[avlady]

having a t is great, but you must be willing to talk or whats the use of them. i wish you luck in learning how to use the resource of a t and doc. it sounds that talking to your t would be a nice place to start.

[Mountainbard]

Hi papa, and welcome to PC. You can certainly open up to people here, and I think in time you may meet that person who can help you figure out where to start dealing with your issues. The more you get involved in the forums of interest to you, the more likely that will be. A lot of people have trouble opening up to their therapist, or tend to tell them only what they think the t wants to here. I hope your experiences here in opening up anonymously can help you toward being able to up to your therapist. As avlady said, a t isn't much use if you can't open up to them, because they have nothing to go on but what you tell them. Good luck!

[Thunder Bow]

Take the risk and open up to the Therapist. It will be even riskier if you try it on line. Online is not the best place for that kind of risk, for there are some mean people online in general, who will try to take and advantage of you, or try controlling you through bullying.

[Skeezyks]

Hello papa: I think you & I have some things in common. I'm 67. I managed to function day-to-day for the first half century of my life. It wasn't pretty. But I kept going. Then, around the age of 50, I had a not too serious bout with cancer. After that, my life just began to unravel. And it has continued to unravel bit-by-bit ever since. At the moment, I seem to be on more-or-less of an even keel. But allot of that has to do with the fact that I lead a pretty-much solitary life.

I've always had allot of secrets. Things I could never tell anyone. A few of them have leaked out in recent years. Not that this has done any good. But I still have more. Many of them I will take with me when I die. (I've made two serious attempts over the years.) Anyway, I'm here if you ever want to converse... P.M. me...