[Septembersrain]

I'm going to share to see if anyone is like me:

I've always taken bits and pieces of other people in a personality sense. It allows me to be confident, social, and well liked. However, it is very exhausting keeping up a facade. So I tend to not keep friends long because being alone is much easier.

I had a rather rough childhood and my adulthood has had its own massive setbacks for me. In order to continue to strive to be an active part of society, I've learned to bury myself mentally. I feel that if I truly speak my mind I'll be "Misunderstood" or worse, I'll be hospitalized involuntarily.

Sometimes I feel that I've lost the ability to just be myself as I'm not willing to compromise my lifestyle to open up and let my true thoughts come through to others. I tend to trust very few. Even with my own grandmother I still put on an act. Right now, only 1 person in my life truly knows me.

Anyone else like this? How do you feel about it?

Sent from my iPad Mini 3 using Tapatalk.

[lowinmood]

I do yes, because I felt I didn't fit in, and still don't to some extent, and I wasn't sure of who I was due to having a difficult childhood and not wanting to identify with a mother who didn't protect me, a father who I never knew, and a step-father who abused me - so I had identity issues and tried to fit in with whoever I was with and feeling I didn't fully connect with people because I wasn't being authentic and trying too hard to be liked and accepted by others.

As the years have gone by, gradually I've met people who have let me be myself, and now I'm forming an identity, seperate from other people I know, and now feel a lot stronger to be myself, and walk away from the people that don't accept me.

However at work, I did try to fit in with my manager recently, try to get her to like me, then had a week off work and felt that I was compromising my person-centred values, as I work in mental health and she has a stigmatising view of people with mental health problems, so I decided to go back to who I was and to stop trying to get my manager to like me as I felt keeping my values was more important, and that resulted in her trying to dismiss me.

But I don't regret my recent decision, because the job, just the environment in the office, not my service users, was making me feel low and began to dread coming to work, and I guess I had to leave at some point.

What help me was to write down what are my values, regardless of what values are important to people around you, write down what you feel strongly about, and write down what you don't feel strongly about, then write down what your needs are, and how you will get them.

This helped me to start living my life, do the things that I wanted to do, regardless of how others were living their life. And that way, I gradually met people who can see the world in a similar way to mine.

But as friends go, I could count them on one hand.

Originally Posted by Septembersrain

I'm going to share to see if anyone is like me:

I've always taken bits and pieces of other people in a personality sense. It allows me to be confident, social, and well liked. However, it is very exhausting keeping up a facade. So I tend to not keep friends long because being alone is much easier.

I had a rather rough childhood and my adulthood has had its own massive setbacks for me. In order to continue to strive to be an active part of society, I've learned to bury myself mentally. I feel that if I truly speak my mind I'll be "Misunderstood" or worse, I'll be hospitalized involuntarily.

Sometimes I feel that I've lost the ability to just be myself as I'm not willing to compromise my lifestyle to open up and let my true thoughts come through to others. I tend to trust very few. Even with my own grandmother I still put on an act. Right now, only 1 person in my life truly knows me.

Anyone else like this? How do you feel about it?

Sent from my iPad Mini 3 using Tapatalk.

I'm not sure I have... but probably to a degree. I'm not sure if there are very many who don't. Not to sound like psychiatrist but, how do you feel about it and how long do you think you can keep it up. You do allow some to know the real you? I ask that because it seems like the true danger is in you losing the real you.

[CopperStar]

On top of the world you get nothing done
Talk is cold and burns like the sun
Cant you see these skies are breaking?
'Cause the top of the world is where I'm from

The back of the class is where I was
Keeping quiet, playing dumb
Cant you see these skies are breaking?
'Cause the back of the class is where I'm from

And I am one, I am
I am one, I am, I am
I am, I am, I am

I'm in a race and it's killing time
I don't need yours, Ill keep it with mine
Cant you see these skies are breaking?
'Cause I'm in a race and I'm doing fine, thank you

Two of a kind and no one home
I'm in a crowd and I'm still alone
Cant you see these skies are breaking?
'Cause one of a kind is all I own

I am one, I am
I am one, I am, I am
I am, I am, I am

Out of the womb and into the void
I wanna try but I get annoyed
Cant you see these skies are breaking?
'Cause I'm out of the womb and into the void

I am one, I am
I am one
I am, I am, I am, I am

I am one, I am
I am one, I am, I am
I am, I am, I am
On top of the world you get nothing done

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

On top of the world you get nothing done
Talk is cold and burns like the sun
Cant you see these skies are breaking?
'Cause the top of the world is where I'm from

Placebo <3

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Septembersrain

I'm going to share to see if anyone is like me:

I've always taken bits and pieces of other people in a personality sense. It allows me to be confident, social, and well liked. However, it is very exhausting keeping up a facade. So I tend to not keep friends long because being alone is much easier.

I did/do this to an extent. I've tried to make myself more outgoing and confident because it's easier. I used to be really bad about always picking up other people's mannerisms and phrases, like if I spent a lot of time with you and you always say: "anyways" then I would say "anyways." My best friend has a completely different persona that she uses at work and with people who don't know her well (which isn't many people). She usually spends weekends alone because it's too tiring to keep up the act she does during the week. She's actually a really cool person underneath the act but I guess it serves her well, she's great at her job. She'll be really close to someone for a while but then stop hanging out with them completely. I'm really the oldest friend she's kept in touch with the longest and that's mostly because I always text and message her and won't let us fall out of touch for long.

I don't know how to help except to say you're definitely not the only person who does that.

[Septembersrain]

I think asking me how long I can keep this up is a great question. I have no idea. Yet it feels the longer I do, the less in touch I am with myself.

I start to do things on autopilot. I suddenly realize I'm using phrases I'd never use. Eating food I hate because it's what so many I encounter like. I even go so far as to completely avoid people so I can just turn off for a while to avoid absorbing bits of them.

It's akin to being an unpaid actor 24/7. Always living on the stage called "I'm someone else". It's like I can't turn it off because the fear of being humiliated, degraded, and hurt again is too fresh in the back of my mind.

If I don't stick out, they won't notice. No one will attempt to abuse me, use me, or step all over me.

Am I tired? Yes. Very. Do I think I can keep going like this? I don't know but if I forget who I was before, would this really make me worse off?

Way I see it, if I could erase my past and just be the person I pretend to be, I might be better off...

Sent from my iPhone 6s using Tapatalk.

[Perry Gunite]

Originally Posted by Septembersrain

I'm going to share to see if anyone is like me:

I've always taken bits and pieces of other people in a personality sense. It allows me to be confident, social, and well liked. However, it is very exhausting keeping up a facade. ..............

Anyone else like this? How do you feel about it?

Sent from my iPad Mini 3 using Tapatalk.

I can completely relate to this. While I can attribute this to several things in childhood, my personality is the one that owns it.
I have moved out of that and into a much more fulfilling place that is truly me.
The little bits and pieces you mentioned is a mirroring technique that does help bond, but if it is not truly who we are it eventually leads to sadness and slowly more on the mask we have made for ourselves. It also does not allow people to like you for who you are if that is not truly you.
Yes it is draining and unfulfilling. I broke free of that mask many years ago and learned to be able to ask for what I wanted and be happy with presenting to the world who I truly am. There were several books and techniques I did to break from that and live my life shining as my light. Let me know if you are interested in any book titles and I will provide.

The past is something you can't change. The future is not here yet. Live for now and who you really are. You will find that when you show your real self that there are people interested in you and who you are inside. I know it is a hard thing to break free from the fears that past events may have molded you to. Do know that you can break from those fears. Change the movie you are playing and change that old agreement that you are holding on to.

Life is way to short to live it masked as someone else. Shine your own light and let your freak flag fly. As long as you are happy, that is what matters most!

Originally Posted by Septembersrain

I think asking me how long I can keep this up is a great question. I have no idea. Yet it feels the longer I do, the less in touch I am with myself.

I start to do things on autopilot. I suddenly realize I'm using phrases I'd never use. Eating food I hate because it's what so many I encounter like. I even go so far as to completely avoid people so I can just turn off for a while to avoid absorbing bits of them.

It's akin to being an unpaid actor 24/7. Always living on the stage called "I'm someone else". It's like I can't turn it off because the fear of being humiliated, degraded, and hurt again is too fresh in the back of my mind.

If I don't stick out, they won't notice. No one will attempt to abuse me, use me, or step all over me.

Am I tired? Yes. Very. Do I think I can keep going like this? I don't know but if I forget who I was before, would this really make me worse off?

Way I see it, if I could erase my past and just be the person I pretend to be, I might be better off...

Sent from my iPhone 6s using Tapatalk.

I'm truly sorry you feel that way and that people hurt you so much. Yeah, I do think you would be worse off. The real you is unique and has value. There are enough phony people. People who wouldn't even have the depth to have these thoughts. The real you is too important to lose... the real you deserves the chance to live and shine. Otherwise they (whoever did this to you) win... and something precious and irretrievable is lost. You