[ilovefroyo21]

Hi there,

So, for background, I'm an 18 year old college student(will be 19 in a few weeks), and over the past year, things have been pretty stressful for me. Since I graduated high school in 2014, my mother has been constantly yelling at me about getting a job and working a lot of hours so I can afford to pay bills and food for myself. She's been getting worse with this, especially around last July, and now I only eat once a day unless someone else, like a friend, buys me food or if someone special comes over to visit us. Just today she exploded at me over money and food. She brought up how I need to start paying for my own food and I mentioned to her that one of my friends whom I haven't seen in a few months told me I looked unhealthily skinny(I've actually lost nearly 10lbs over the last month or so). I told my mom that I told her I don't eat regularly because I'm too scared to ask my mom for money for food. When I told my mom this, she flipped and started twisting my words, calling me an ungrateful liar, comparing me to my friends and siblings, how I do nothing for her, saying I hang out with my friends too often, etc. At the moment, my feelings are very sensitive and her saying this made me want to hurt myself I really wish I had the means to move out, but I don't have money and I cannot find a suitable job. I've been struggling with suicidal ideation and chronic depression for about 4 years now and I feel like I'm beginning to reach my breaking point. How should I deal with her?

[healingme4me]

When you mentioned suitable employment, what avenues have you tried? What does your morning routine look like? Are you up, dressed and ready to find a temp agency or similar to at least start small. Baby steps towards independence might be crucial.

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[winter4me]

If you are still in college, can you live on campus? (if $ is an issue don't give up before talking to a counselor at school and the financial aid dept.)
It sounds like you need some help getting out of your mother's house. Seriously, this dynamic won't change, it is sad, and painful, to not have a parent who will help you rather than attack (which may be anger born of fear, or likely something that has nothing to do with you, but you are available...)
If you don't get out soon, consider taking a job that provides housing, food, and (low) pay. For instance, work as a counselor at a summer camp, (you can do this in country or internationally)
consider a live in volunteer program...(search on line)(((((((((hug)))))))))))))

I agree with Winter4Me. Seek out student aid and I encourage you to get out of your mother's house. FInally, have you considered getting a part time job?

Now, about mom wanting you to contribute. I'm of the opinion that if you are going to school and living at home that you not be expected to contribute. However, if you weren't at school I would then expect you to get a job and pay room and board.

[Thunder Bow]

Your mother is bullying you and controlling you. She got some serious issues that will not change. As suggested above, you need to find a way out of her house. Who is paying for your education?

[DBTDiva]

Agreed with all the others. Live on campus if you can, they have meal plans and you can possibly get an on campus job if you don't have a car. This sounds like a really abusive environment and it's only going to make you feel worse and more depressed.

[avlady]

i agree with all above, you will sooner or later have to contribute for your own self too. volunteering in something you enjoy sounds like a good idea if you can get paid only a small amount from it. an easy job would be good to start out with then you can get experience from it and get a better job that pays more.

[avlady]

also college and student financial aid may be a good idea too.

[ilovefroyo21]

Firstly, thank you all for being really kind, empathetic and helpful

Secondly, I am paying for my own education through financial aid. I'm currently only getting $525 monthly for living expenses, plus $100 allowance my father gives me. Where I'm from rent alone costs around $1000. I go to a fairly small college that doesn't offer on-campus living but I am considering switching to a bigger university that's located 400km from my current city, so that may be an option next fall. My father knows of the situation and he's offered many times to loan me $1000 to get a damage deposit for an apartment but I don't want to be responsible for paying anybody back right now since I'm unemployed. I've been aggressively searching for a job for the past month, to no avail. I got a trial shift at a restaurant but I wasn't offered the job.

I may consider to up and leave and live with a friend for a short amount of time, but I don't want to put undue pressure on my friends. Plus, I know my mom will alienate me for months if I move out. My older sister moved out shortly after she turned 18 because of my mother but she lives in a rented room so that isn't an option for me. Also, I don't want to leave my little brother, he also gets it hard from my mom and I don't want to abandon him to be left alone to an abusive mother. Maybe I'll search harder for a job and I'll be out of the house for most of the day so I won't have to deal with her. I don't know, but still, thank you all very much for the advice. I appreciate it.

[winter4me]

& let us know how it goes!

[Thunder Bow]

If you do not take care of yourself fist, you will not be able to take care of anyone.