[AbladeintheMeadow]

I don't really know how to start this off other than to say I feel so sad tonight for an event that hasn't even happened yet which makes me feel stupid, selfish & guilty when I stop to think that other people are dealing with actual problems & tragedies & illnesses and much more. But I can't stop how I feel and I have nowhere else to go with my thoughts.

I have had a rough time recently with anxiety and depression and as I was going through it I found a friend in a colleague. They've not had the easiest time either, far from it, and there have been many times when we have got each other through a situation, a day, a week, whatever. As time has passed we have become best friends and I love them as though they were family.

However life moves on and the time has come for my friend to move on and they have made the decision to look for a new job.

While I don't doubt that we will keep in touch and still see each other sometimes, the thought of not seeing them everyday, not being around them, not having their physical presence, fills me with such an overwhelming sadness I can't even begin to describe it. They have been, and are, such a huge part of my life, I can't imagine life without them.

What makes it harder almost is that at any other time had I felt like this about something I would have turned to them for comfort and support, I am going to miss them so much it physically hurts to even think about it.

I can't stop crying, I want to be on my own, I want to sleep but I know when I wake the feelings will still be there. At this point I don't even know if I'm going to be able to keep it together when I see them.

Please, is this normal? Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you get through?

[CANDC]

I feel you are experiencing grief for the loss of your friendship. It happens when you realize there is or will be a loss and there is nothing you can do about it. Things will never be the same as they were, but they still might be wonderful.

Here is an article about grief over a loss of a friendship.
Surviving a Friendship Break Up | World of Psychology

[2B/-2B]

Yes, as CANDC said, we do experience a sense of grief and loss on those that have become a big part of who we are.

I hope you do not mind AbladeintheMeadow (nice username by the way), if I explore some possible truths about what might be happening for you.

First of all, I noticed that a certain amount of shame is being carried by what was written "feel stupid, selfish & guilty". I don't think 'guilt' is a bad thing, because it motivates us to change. Often we may say to ourselves, "I made a mistake, I better not do that again". So that motivates us to change.
However, sometimes we fear to change, and so we are bound to repeat the mistake. After many repeats of not changing, we end up thinking we are a mistake, and may say to ourselves, "I feel stupid, selfish, ..."
This is shame, and it is not true. What is true, is that fear stops us from changing.

Being with friends, is a way of helping us to overcome our fears and be motivated to change. When those friends are no longer with us, those fears return and our motivation to change drops down, causing us to feel sad and depressed.

If this sounds true to you, then you have something to work on for yourself.
Find out what fears hold back the motivation to change. Then face those fears to de-myth them.

Hope this will help you to get through it.

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Thank you both for responding. The article has helped a great deal. Knowing that I'm not the only one who has felt this way is of great comfort, and reading through the comments I've realised that maybe allowing myself to feel the sadness and expressing it will help. Before I was kinda fighting the feelings, and suppressing them because I felt wrong feeling them.

And 2B/-2B thank you for your insights too. You are right. My friend's support gave me the strength to get through situations I don't think I could have got through othewise, and gave me the courage to believe I could deal with the consequences of changes I had to make. What you said about the fear is, when I think about, it spot on. Thank you both.