[smartiesparty]

i am stuck
the others are at college studying subjects they're interested in and they go to parties with a lot of new people.
i'm stuck with different mental issues. nobody will ever find a cure
i spend the days inside and i know nothing will ever get better
i am a burden
i am very jealous of others my age. why did i have to have this illness? my body deteriorated. i have the body of a 85 year old because the illness destroyed me
i'm jealous of healthy people. they travel but i can't because i feel dizzy and nauseous when i leave bed. my days are rhythmed by muscle pain, nausea, diarrhea, severe stomach pain and depression coupled with too many intense emotions.
i want to explore but i can just watch others live
they re living what i want. they all think i'm faking it because it cant be that a young person has these issues. i'm so jealous of healthy people

[gayleggg]

I think we all go through that at some point in our lives. We grieve for what we can't have.

We just have to push through to acceptance. Then we make the most we can with what we've been given.

Keep pushing and you will get past the jealousy.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BlueEyedMama]

Watching college football as we wait for the first batch of cookies to be done.

[shezbut]

I agree with gayleggg.

I had physical problems throughout late teenage years and up. I tried fighting it, but couldn't find relief. At 26, I was properly diagnosed and treatment began. It was hard for me. I really struggled physically and emotionally for more than 15 years ~ things just seemed to get worse and worse for me as I got older & life became more complicated.

Yet, most other people my age have accomplished so much more than I. They have things (and responsibilities) that I don't think that I will ever have. That was a hard fact for me to accept. But, I mostly have. I say mostly because I still have occasional "down" days...when I feel like I did before. Jealous.

It takes awhile to see that everyone has troubles. Everyone. Some are worse than others, but we all struggle from time to time. Just in different ways. Once I allowed myself to see that, I felt a little better. I feel horrible for saying such a terrible thing, but it's true. I'd felt resentful before. As though other people couldn't possibly understand my misery. But, I also cannot understand parts of their lives either.

You will someday reach this stage: acceptance. It just takes some time. Hopefully, talking to others (who can relate) will help you find your way.

Best wishes sent your way. Take care!

[Rose76]

Are you receiving any treatment at all? Have you received treatment in the past? Do you have any help from family?

[smartiesparty]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Are you receiving any treatment at all? Have you received treatment in the past? Do you have any help from family?

I saw a therapist the past year and I was on antidepressants. The therapist mocked me and was not serious and I cant believe I spent so much money on her when she was just pumping money off me.
My family doesn't help me. I am insulted daily because I am a burden. (it's because i can't help with tasks at home because i can't get out of bed and often have chronic pains in my stomach) The doctors can't do anything about my physical problems as long as the mental ones aren't sorted out. But my antidepressants screwed me up

[Rose76]

It sounds like you might need an inpatient treatment like partial hospitalization. That's where you go daily to a psych facility, but you don't sleep there. It can be hard to find a program like that, as they are expensive to run. Such a program helped me a lot. I benefited from having peers to interact with.

Getting out of bed when you are very depressed is definitely hard to the point of feeling impossible. Any small changes in behavior that you could make can begin to push back the beast. I know it seems like depression is causing you to stay in bed, and that is somewhat true. Byut it's also true that staying in bed is part of what is causing you to be depressed. It gets like a viscious circle.

[spondiferous]

smartiesparty: just wanted to let you know that I empathize. I live with chronic pain (nothing like what you're describing, but bad enough that it affects what I am able to do from day to day, usually without any given notice) and my mental and emotional health stuff affects me to the point where I too am unable to live the life I want. I go back and forth between feeling blessed, because it's given me such a different perspective on life and enable me to relate to people and situations that most cannot, and therefore makes me more effective in relationships, to hating the hell out of it because quite often I feel completely invalid in everything. I have struggled with school; I've had to leave jobs; I've had to slowly let friendships go; my wife and I have problems because of how much support I need from her at times, and types of support I require. It's next to impossible for me to be in social situations anymore because my reality is so far from the reality I see around me that it's more triggering than not.

I just try to focus on what *I* can do. I've been working on this for almost four years now (that's when I permanently left my job to go on disability, when it became clear to me, after years of 'just getting by', that this was not going anywhere and in fact was getting worse). People don't believe me either that it's as bad as it is, until they have to live with me and see it first hand, or until they're around when I have an episode and don't know what to do. The health professionals don't know what to do for me either because I can't take most medications and my symptoms are so widely varied that the best they could do is heap about eight different diagnoses on me and call it a day. I've been through every kind of therapy, treatment, group, one-on-on counselling, DBT, CBT, and even inpatient treatment for addictions recovery. If it's out there, I've done it. Still I struggle. I gain something new every time, but it's still a struggle. Jealousy's a big one for me. It's hard not to be: my friends have finished degrees, gotten great jobs, they're out doing amazing activist work, they're able to be involved in their spiritual communities, they travel (something that is next to impossible for me to do), hell...they can leave their house on a regular basis. I cannot.

I dunno, hopefully this helps you feel less alone. I think it's easy enough to say 'it gets better' or suggest getting help but I know that sometimes you can be doing absolutely everything and nothing changes. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to shoot me a private message.

[Thunder Bow]

Try not to compare yourself with others. That is a sure way of feeling bad, and it will only make you feel worse. Some of those "others" may be worse off than you. Stay away from those parties. Those people drink and get stoned for a reason, and it is not because they feel good in real life.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

i am stuck
the others are at college studying subjects they're interested in and they go to parties with a lot of new people.
i'm stuck with different mental issues. nobody will ever find a cure
i spend the days inside and i know nothing will ever get better
i am a burden
i am very jealous of others my age. why did i have to have this illness? my body deteriorated. i have the body of a 85 year old because the illness destroyed me
i'm jealous of healthy people. they travel but i can't because i feel dizzy and nauseous when i leave bed. my days are rhythmed by muscle pain, nausea, diarrhea, severe stomach pain and depression coupled with too many intense emotions.
i want to explore but i can just watch others live
they re living what i want. they all think i'm faking it because it cant be that a young person has these issues. i'm so jealous of healthy people

You can find a therapist who is not horrible like the other one you mention! Chronic pain and illness is difficult to deal with, at any age. If you have to stay bed-ridden, can you take classes online? Try to work with what you have. Don't give up, it may be possible to have an ease in some of these symptoms so you can travel and do more of what you want to do. Most people in college are lonely and stressed, even if they portray themselves as having wonderful lives and no problems. Some of your physical problems might ease if you get help for the depression. Don't give up on the life that you want. While I haven't had a debilitating chronic illness, I have dealt with mental illness my whole life and had a bad bout of IBS when I was in a very stressful life situation. It took me a lot longer than most people to finish my degree, but it didn't matter in the end. I have a really happy life now and it took work but I'm glad I didn't give up. It might be more difficult, or take longer, or mean readjusting your expectations but you don't have to settle for a life that is unfulfilling.

[PandorasAquarium]

I read somewhere "You are not a burden. You have a burden and burdens should be shared." I'm glad you shared yours with us.

I struggle with this a lot. For almost 20 years, since before I started college, I struggled with chronic issues even then, and everyone told me it was in my head. Heck, they still do, even after surgically, biopsied proof positive that I have had these debilitating chronic, incurable, and completely externally invisible conditions, likely (but unprovable) for years. Yes, plural. But my doctors still shrug off my pain. Friends smirk. Even my family still occasionally tries to say it's in my head.

People have a hard time wrapping their minds around someone else's suffering. They struggle with empathizing with something they cannot see.

I struggle to explain it to them, to justify it. They don't realize just how hard it is to watch life go by you, while you're in pain. They don't realize the frustration, the sadness and dejection we feel when we can't do what "normal" people do.

I've lost a lot of friends, even some family have turned their backs on me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't still hurt like hell.

I guess what I really am trying to say is that it's okay for you to feel these emotions. They make perfect sense. Jealousy is a natural, but deeply self-harming emotion. I've found that I can let myself feel these emotions fully, then I drag myself out of them because the fact is, it doesn't do me any good and I know it. Some days are worse than others, but I just keep moving forward and tell myself that "this too shall pass." Cliche though it is, it is the truth.

If I may offer any advice. Be your own health advocate. You know your body better than anyone and if you know there is something off balance with it, then keep pushing for answers. Keep moving forward for what you want for your life, not others. Easier said than done, I know. Believe me I know.

Anyway, in the meantime, wallowing in a little jealousy or relishing a little schadenfreude once in a while is completely understandable. Just know you can rise above this when you are ready.

The struggles you are dealing with today will make you stronger and more resilient than those you envy.

[smartiesparty]

Thank you for your answers...I will try to take destiny in my own hand..handle my life..I don't know if I will manage it but I plan on trying.

[PandorasAquarium]

Sometimes that's all you can do. Best wishes. Hope you get to feeling a bit better soon.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by PandorasAquarium

I read somewhere "You are not a burden. You have a burden and burdens should be shared." I'm glad you shared yours with us. ...

This is completely random but I love your username!!

[Shaly78]

I hang on and re visit the good times when everything was okay then I'm fulfilled that way. I make the best to what is that way jealousy isn't an issue.. I credit religion, just saying if your not a religious person I understand that as well. I think it could have been worst, I could have not been able to get a degree or no good job at all in my life, but that wasn't the case.