I have been talking to a guy. We got coffee once, which was nice, and message each other on and off with small texts, nothing really exciting. Here is why I'm coping with emotions. I don't like the way I feel. It's not a relationship, just getting to know a guy I like, you could say dating..that's fine. I just don't like the way I feel. I just met him and I'm already simultaneously wanting closeness (which I'm not getting in texts), and worrying for some reason if I should even date right now. I was so happy being single. I also like this guy. I'm worried about getting hurt, on top of that.

I'm not sure what to do about my bad feelings of insecurity and not knowing and worry about dating in general. I just know I want them gone.

I'm putting a lot of focus on this one person. Although I like and am attracted to him, maybe he isn't the right one. I don't know. I want to feel like I matter to someone I'm dating. Im giving him the benefit tho, bc it's so soon. We really just met.

We are going to a movie this weekend. I don't know. Yeah.

Advice, insight, and support would be appreciated if anyone has some.

[BlossomingLen]

Hello! It's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm terribly sorry about your struggles. I understand if you're confused. That must be quite the tricky situation, after all! Even so, yes, I do believe that you might be going a little too fast. Relationships are very strange things, especially if you've been hurt before. But if you're really, really unsure about this, I do recommend keeping your distance and taking your time.

You should wait until you know if he is the one or not. Until there's a definite answer, I'd just go about everything with caution. Please, if you enjoy your time with him, do hang out with him and have fun. But don't overthink things and stress yourself out over getting hurt. Who knows, maybe when the time comes, it'll turn out he is the one. If he isn't, then hey, you dodged a bullet on that one.

Even so, I hope you feel better soon.

Have a wonderful day!

Thank you BlossomingLen! I do think that I am rushing things. Not on purpose. I don't know where it's coming from. But maybe it's best not to be ashamed, and just recognize I will go about my business and take my time. Thank you so much.

[highnrg1]

First of all, know that you are not alone. I certainly have done this same thing. I had not dated for quite awhile after my divorce and at a certain point I thought I was ready. I quickly found out I was not, when I did the same thing…went for coffee and enjoyed my time with the guy and then very quickly starting thinking long term (in my mind, luckily not in conversation) and was wondering why I was only getting simple replies periodically from him.
Basically, this was such a great thing for me to learn. I discovered that I was enamored with the "idea" of having a relationship again and so I began to race ahead with my thoughts and over analyze things (as BlossomingLen shared above) and I think I was trying to get myself back into the level of relationship I had previously had…already after one cup of coffee (actually, I had hot chocolate, ha ha). I think it's very natural and fine to do that.
The good news is that you are aware of this (I was not really at the time I did this) and you want to try to look at it objectively. Good for you!
However, the guy I was communicating with was able to share with me that he really enjoyed my company but he was not in a position to be in a relationship because he is caring for his twenty-two year old daughter and his one year old grandchild and he works 10 hours a day and lives an hour away and he comes out my way to go to church 2 times a week and only is able to get together periodically for short amounts of time right now. This ended up being GREAT for me, because I realized I was NOT ready to date and I have gained a nice, STRICTLY platonic male friend (which was something I really needed). No pressure or anything.
I know I need to not think about "is this guy the one?" when I start to date again and I am working on shifting my perspective and expectations for when I am ready (I still have quite a ways to go).
If you can enjoy the times you have with this guy and the receive the communications from him as "enough" for now, without worrying so quickly about "Is this guy the one?" you will likely be able to develop a friendship with this person. And possibly more in the future, but you don't have to worry about that now. If these worries are clouding your ability to enjoy your time with this person, then I would say you possibly might not be ready to date yet right now.
Good luck!!

[divine1966]

Give it a bit more time to see if he is the right one and don't have sex until you are serious

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