[introspectiveme]

Why do I obsess about hurtful things people have said to me in the past? it's almost like I imagine them smiling and laughing at me right now, even though they probably don't even remember what they said to me and don't think it was ever such a big deal, much less now, about 5 years later.

I look a little old for my age, thanks to bad habits and ignoring warning signs telling me that something was wrong with my health, people constantly keep reminding me about what I don't have anymore, in a hurtful manner, completely unaware as to how much what they say hurts me.

How do I cope with my issues?

[whimsyalley]

I have the same issue. Hurtful things people have said to me or mistakes I've made in the past seem to fill my thoughts sometimes and it is so hard to block those thoughts. I try to force myself to think of other things. Sometimes just mundane things like how much laundry I need to do. When I have the thoughts I tell myself, "Great, you're having useless thoughts again just stop and think of something pleasant". I self-talk a lot. I also listen to talk radio. It helps to keep my mind focused on other things. I have found this is much worse when my depression is bad. It is actually a signal to me that I need to get help with the depression before I get worse. As far as people saying hurtful things. Tell them about it. Simply saying, "I don't know if you meant to but what you said hurts me."

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by whimsyalley

I have the same issue. Hurtful things people have said to me or mistakes I've made in the past seem to fill my thoughts sometimes and it is so hard to block those thoughts. I try to force myself to think of other things. Sometimes just mundane things like how much laundry I need to do. When I have the thoughts I tell myself, "Great, you're having useless thoughts again just stop and think of something pleasant". I self-talk a lot. I also listen to talk radio. It helps to keep my mind focused on other things. I have found this is much worse when my depression is bad. It is actually a signal to me that I need to get help with the depression before I get worse. As far as people saying hurtful things. Tell them about it. Simply saying, "I don't know if you meant to but what you said hurts me."

Thank you

I try to keep myself busy, videogames and guitar are the only two things that seem to work for me. Sometimes I can't do either, and that is usually when I'm overwhelmed by my depressive thoughts.

I've tried telling that to people, some do stop, but others see it as a sign of weakness and try to exploit it, it's like in a fight, where one fighter limps, and the other immediately targets the leg. I try to avoid these people as much as possible not only because they hurt me but because they may have issues of their own for ridiculing me.

I'm the same. Forgive and forget? That's not me.

And just to add salt to those wound, I also kick myself over thing that I said to people in the past. So I can't forgive others and can't forgive myself.

I'm trying to find ways to let it go, I'm tired of carrying that weight on my shoulders. With any luck I'll be starting therapy in a few months (living in the neck of woods where I live makes it a bit difficult to move around and find proper help), then we'll see...

Possible trigger:

Note: if anyone reads what I wrote above and feels like talking religion to me, please save it. Thank you.

[avlady]

the main thing is for you to forgive them and mostly for you to forgive yourself. i am always obsessing about things said and done to me in the past, but just lately i've become to be more accepting of what has happened in the past. i've spent too many years of my life wasting it on things and i just wanted to stop it in its track recently as i'll be 55 this year and realised what i did and am doing now. boy it was a weight off my shoulders to let it just go. hopefully i can keep it up, i know i will because it was so bad, i never want to feel that way again.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Keeping myself busy and learning to understand the crap that was said to me when I was a kid pretty much does wonders. (also play games and the guitar)

"completely unaware as to how much what they say hurts me." - make them aware. They won't stop if you don't make it very clear what they say is hurtful and unwanted.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by BuildABridge

I'm the same. Forgive and forget? That's not me.

And just to add salt to those wound, I also kick myself over thing that I said to people in the past. So I can't forgive others and can't forgive myself.

I'm trying to find ways to let it go, I'm tired of carrying that weight on my shoulders. With any luck I'll be starting therapy in a few months (living in the neck of woods where I live makes it a bit difficult to move around and find proper help), then we'll see...

Possible trigger:

Note: if anyone reads what I wrote above and feels like talking religion to me, please save it. Thank you.

I hope I can afford therapy when I get a job later this year. I'm looking forward to that.

I often hate myself for things I've said in the past, too, I've done some stupid stuff like when I argued with people for no reason.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by avlady

the main thing is for you to forgive them and mostly for you to forgive yourself. i am always obsessing about things said and done to me in the past, but just lately i've become to be more accepting of what has happened in the past. i've spent too many years of my life wasting it on things and i just wanted to stop it in its track recently as i'll be 55 this year and realised what i did and am doing now. boy it was a weight off my shoulders to let it just go. hopefully i can keep it up, i know i will because it was so bad, i never want to feel that way again.

I'm 24 now, I hope I can learn to forgive myself and others soon. Everyday I tell myself not to worry about what others have said to me, but I just can't seem to do it. I wish I could find a way of thought or routine that can consistently work for me.

I also wish for a change of atmosphere and surroundings, and I want to be with other, more accepting people, but I'm stuck right now.

Thank you for your reply.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Keeping myself busy and learning to understand the crap that was said to me when I was a kid pretty much does wonders. (also play games and the guitar)

"completely unaware as to how much what they say hurts me." - make them aware. They won't stop if you don't make it very clear what they say is hurtful and unwanted.

I'm gonna try that the next time they have something hurtful to say to me.

[PianogirlPlays]

Originally Posted by BuildABridge

I'm the same. Forgive and forget? That's not me.

And just to add salt to those wound, I also kick myself over thing that I said to people in the past. So I can't forgive others and can't forgive myself.

I'm trying to find ways to let it go, I'm tired of carrying that weight on my shoulders. With any luck I'll be starting therapy in a few months (living in the neck of woods where I live makes it a bit difficult to move around and find proper help), then we'll see...

Possible trigger:

Note: if anyone reads what I wrote above and feels like talking religion to me, please save it. Thank you.

Hope things go well for you.

[PianogirlPlays]

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

Why do I obsess about hurtful things people have said to me in the past? it's almost like I imagine them smiling and laughing at me right now, even though they probably don't even remember what they said to me and don't think it was ever such a big deal, much less now, about 5 years later.

I look a little old for my age, thanks to bad habits and ignoring warning signs telling me that something was wrong with my health, people constantly keep reminding me about what I don't have anymore, in a hurtful manner, completely unaware as to how much what they say hurts me.

How do I cope with my issues?

I read something the other day that said I am triggered by things I don't even want to remember. I know how it feels. It is so hard to get over things. I need to remember the struggle lies with my seemingly overwhelming need to be loved and cared for . It would so help if people were more encouraging.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by PianogirlPlays

I read something the other day that said I am triggered by things I don't even want to remember. I know how it feels. It is so hard to get over things. I need to remember the struggle lies with my seemingly overwhelming need to be loved and cared for . It would so help if people were more encouraging.

In my dreams, I often remember things that I don't even think worry me anymore, so I guess they still worry me subconsciously, and my dreams dig deep and bring them out for me.

I guess i have an overwhelming need to be loved and cared for too, but that's mostly because I remember being cared for in the past, now I have no one.