Not moving away anymore, finding it hard to deal with.

So this summer, me and my boyfriend had a plan of moving cities when he went to University. I have been in and out of education and my plan was to enroll at the near by college and work part time and he was going to go to University and use his loans for his half of the rent and all that kind of stuff. We had been planning it for a few months, my mum wasn't bothered by it. His parents don't entirely approve of me because of my mental health - which I completely understand. I've put my boyfriend through hell in the last 2 years.

Anyway, so he told his parents and they very much didn't agree. His mum apparently ended up crying and his dad really didn't like the idea of us living together. Their idea is that he needs to go and experience life without me. We're both 18, 19 when we'd be moving, and they feel it's way too young. I was on Skype with him and his mum came in unaware I could hear everything she was saying and she was worried I was manipulating him through my mental health and that he was only planning to live with me so I could leave home (I have a bad family/home life). Long story short, it's not happening anymore and we're spending a year apart.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm not on meds right now, nor do I have any professional help - I used to but the lady I saw suddenly stopped working and my anxiety has me putting off calling and getting someone else to see me - I'm also worried about spending the next year with my mum.

The atmosphere in my house is pretty horrendous to live in, I'm home alone for about 8 hours and then my mum comes home from work, gets changed and then goes to my grandmas house for another 3 or 4 hours and then comes home and goes to bed. I have a dog which means I can't just sleep all day or go on my PC and play video games so I find it depressing sat in my living room with nothing to do. My anxiety stops me from going out and there isn't anything I can do in my house.

Leaving home and moving in with my boyfriend was my way of escaping here and now that's not happening I've gotten really scared. I'm trying to be strong and act like an adult about it because I know his parents just want the best for him and they're right in a way. But at the same time, I have no idea how I'm going to cope.

I've applied to my local college but that doesn't start until September.

Ugh.

Khione, anxiety can do a number on you; been there, done that. Try to call for another counselor or therapist and gets meds asap. You need them to fend off the anxiety. If you are indoors try research more on the topics you want in college and what that would require of you to take. Check into the particulars of school and make a plan for it. In the meantime it sounds like your mom is working besides caring for an elderly parent too. That is difficult and then they come home and crash. That is draining and exhausting for the caretaker. they often need to unwind and take it out at times on family members. Just take this time to get a good counselor and your meds. Once you do that you will be able to be more focused and ready for this September. tc

My grandma isn't sick or in need of care. My mum goes there to play games on my grandma's PC. She goes because she can't cope with work and we've been on bad terms lately.

Thanks for your reply.

question... in the event that you and this boyfriend had moved in together what would you have been doing while he was in his college classes, while your boyfriend was working.

reason i ask is you seem to be upset because your mom isnt spending time with you and you dont have anything to do other than sitting in the living room depressed...

going to be a bit blunt here... you have a dog does the dog walk him\herself, Im guessing you take the dog for a walk for his potty business and his exercise. Im guessing you dont just sit there watching for 8 hours this dog playing by himself. ...

my point yea its depressing to have your boyfriend go off on his own, and that your mom has her own routine. but you are 18 or almost 18, here in america when someone turns 18 they are treated like an adult, adults dont need their moms to stay home and not go visit other relatives. just go to work then come home to their daughters and sons who are now adults.

the 18 year olds I know are proud of the fact that their parents go off and leave them alone. it says their parents trust them and know they can take care of their self.

here where I am when a parent leaves their 18 year old home alone with the family pet that 18 year old gets on the phone, watches a movie, walks the dog, eats, go hang out at the local library. coffee shops, hit the malls and stores, even if they have no money they go just to see whats there and if anyone they know is there to hang out together. they get a job if they havent been accepted to a college yet. some babysit or house sit for a neighbor who may need some help, they volunteer with community agencies...

my point most 18 yr olds that I know treat the time mom isnt breathing down their necks as if they were living on their own...

you can still do all those things you planned on doing when you were going to live with your boyfriend, only difference is you will be doing it all on your own like other adults do..

suggestion next time you are out walking the dog take time to look around your neighborhood, I wouldnt be surprised if theres more to your town then just having to sit in your living room.

yea its sad that your boyfriend had to go off on his own but you do have options, and the time between now and when you can see him again will go much faster if you found something to do with your time.

Okay, well 1) I got into the college which is also in the city, so aside from working a part time job, I'd be also attending classes.
The dog doesn't walk herself, but a 30 minute walk twice a day doesn't exactly fill up all my time. My mum has never been around, yeah I'm 18 now, but I wasn't last year or the year before that. I'm an adult, I was an adult a long time before I needed to be - I've been doing my own laundry, cooking, cleaning etc for the last 3 or 4 years. My mum doesn't check to see if I'm okay for food, she doesn't buy any food and she doesn't act like a mum.

Maybe where you are, every 18 year old doesn't suffer from severe depression/anxiety. I can't just "hit the malls and stores" or whatever. I can barely leave my house to walk my dog without having a panic attack.

I have practically been living on my own for as long as I can remember. My point is, all I want is a parent. I don't have a dad, he's in another country and has been since I was 6 months old. Growing up, my mum was pretty much bed bound 24/7 with severe migraines. So I've never had a parental figure around to properly feel like I'm supported and such. Then I meet my boyfriend and it finally feels like I have someone to be around and a family to be around, now he's moving, it's hard to deal with because I'm going to be on my own again. Oh, and my mum leaves because she doesn't want to be around me. Not because she trusts me and all that ********. She doesn't give a crap about whether I can look after myself, she never taught me how to do laundry or how to use the cooker. I had to teach myself. So no, I'm not going to feel proud and trusted because my mum leaves me alone.

I can walk from either side of my village within 20 minutes, we have 2 fields and 1 corner shop. Not exactly much to explore.

Stop assuming that I sit around on my *** all day because I'm lazy. I have explored my village to a great extent, I've attempted suicide in more places than I can count in this village and I know my way around it considering I've lived here for 18 years. I walk my dog twice (sometimes three) times a day, doesn't exactly take up much of the day. Oh and the point of being able to do all of those things with my boyfriend was because I was doing it with my boyfriend. I've had a good 10 years of feeling alone and when I finally get the chance to move away from bad memories and loneliness, I'm going to take it. And when I can't do that anymore, it's going to feel a bit ****.

So please don't assume that I am complaining for no reason. Don't you think I would love to be able to go shopping on a whim on my own, or treat my house like it's actually my own. Please, try living somewhere with bad memories and depression and anxiety and tell me how it is. Please, I would love to swap places with someone who could go out confidently and work and be able to stay longer than 4 months in college. I would love that so much, but considering that my therapist has gone awol and I need to contact her - but I have anxiety - and my meds are ****ed up, my mum is more of a room mate than a mum and my boyfriend is moving away in a few months.. yeah, I'm going to complain a bit.

Kind of hoped for support, not judgemental ********.

Khione, I remember being 18 and the hell it was acutely (and I don't even want to admit how long ago that was - ugh). For what it's worth, I think amandalouise meant well. I think she meant to encourage you, but I can see where she made some assumptions that made you feel judged. I'm sorry that made you feel that way when you really do need support. I just wanted you to know I think her post was coming from a good place, but easily misunderstood.

Regardless, on to you. It sounds like you are in a difficult, downright heartwrenching place right now. Your boyfriend has moved because of his parents worries that you aren't what is best for him. I know that feeling too well. My husband's parent would probably dance on my grave if they could. It hurts.

Then you have had a dream swept out from under you like a rug, and here you are standing alone. It sounds like you have had a lot of time alone. And again, for what it's worth, I know that feeling too well too. I spent my teen years from somewhere around 12 till I moved out at 17 home alone 90% of the time, even holidays sometimes. My brother was off to college, my mother was going to school full time and working 3rd shift, and my Dad was either in Mexico or Japan at any given time, just not with us. And I lived way out in the country with only the world's creepiest neighbor for a mile around - man would he just stare like a scarecrow from a hundred yards away. Yuck. But I digress. Anyway, I get that. I really do.

I listened to a lot of music, read a ton of books, worked my horse, played the piano, and that was about it. Dating myself here, but there was no Internet then.

So now that you know just a little about me when I was a bit younger than you, I'll tell you just a bit about myself at your age. I moved out at 17 and never went back home. I was an idiot. Did most of the stupid stuff that teenagers in small-town USA did in the 90s, finally went to University at 17, dropped out after a semester for health reasons, lack of mental health care, a dumb boy (he didn't seem dumb at the time) and being abandoned by my parents. They both couldn't wait to be rid of me. Divorced already, they both remarried within months and moved into their new spouses houses with their families. Sold our house, my horse, got rid of all my beloved pets and got on with their lives as if they couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Still hurts remembering this part of my life. It threw my whole world upside down and inside out. Again, I'm telling you this because I think you would understand and I want you to know that what I say next is not meant to be judgy or preachy at all. It's just the voice of pain, survival, experience, and sympathy. Your story really touched me and I really relate and want somehow to help you.

So yah, the help part. I know there's nothing I can really do to help. I mean we're across a pretty vast ocean from each other, but I get what you're feeling. Even now I have to take a stinking xanax just to get the nerve to call my therapist.

If I may give you any advice at all it would be to do the best you can. Right now, it sounds like you are very depressed and I can see why you would feel that way. But is there something that you like? It's your year, you're 18. It's your life. You are young. Are there things that you are passionate about? Art maybe? For me it was actually dog training and the environment. So when I got my own place big enough for a dog, I got my 1st GSD at 19 and started training. I went out into the wilderness, studied plants. I found things I loved and when my parents said it was a bad idea, I was all the more determined to do it. Lol. I got a job bartending that my Mom really frowned on and I loved it! So many interesting people from so many interesting places. Anyway, do you have any dreams, crazy ideas, whatever? Maybe you could write about all you've been through and are going through while you have this time, and sell the story. I don't know. Just as long as it's something you want. Can you go visit your boyfriend perhaps?

Also, know that when you call a therapist, you are the one in control. You decide if you like them. If not, try another. You are obviously smart and interesting, I imagine you could do just about anything if you want to.

Good luck, sister. Something else about life I have learned. The days are long, but the years are short. This too shall pass.

Thank you PandorasAquarium. I needed that.

I do have dreams, I want to go to college and go to university and I am going to. I've applied to my local college and so I'll be doing a course there and then university afterwards.

I love my dog and I love training her, I've got the basics down but at the moment I'm going through a tough time with feeling like she has bonded with me etc. I feel like she'd have a better home with another family and stuff like that. I know it's illogical because actually looking at it, she's got a pretty good life right now. And I want to do more advance training stuff but I'm scared she wont learn well and then it'll be a reflection on me or something.

But thanks a lot for your advice, I did really need to 'hear'(/read) that.

I feel this weird thing with nature at the moment, I feel relaxed and not anxious or stressed when I'm out on the field with my dog. I haven't slept yet and I'm thinking of taking my dog on a different field which has a forest and church/graveyard and cows and stuff. Might be nice and relaxing. Before that though I've got the doctors (to get a new sick note).