[DarknessForever]

Hey, guys. So, obviously I have a real problem with emotions. When I was young (not too young, around 12), something really bad happened to my family, and it really affected me even though it did not happen to me. Along with a few other things that happened earlier in life, and people being mean to me, I kind is emotionally shut down. I have a real problem with repressing my emotions. Half of the time, I do not know what my emotion is, or they feel so foreign I freak out. Sometimes I don't think anyone knows the real me. I don't even know who I am. Is it possible to not even 'know' yourself (hypothetically)? I don't know how to feel anymore. I must sound really crazy right now.

[Apanthropos]

You do not sound crazy at all. That is because something happened to me that caused me to shut down emotionally as well. For me it is quite hard to feel any emotion at all. In fact I sort of feel like I am in the same position as you. Definitely relate.

[Nimportequoi]

Hello DarknessForever
I can relate to you feeling estranged from emotion. I deal with that a lot of times. E. g. when something bad happens to me on an interpersonal level, I don't even think of the possibility I could be hurt. Only when I'm already at home for a few hours, I suddenly come to the idea that I might be hurt or angry at someone.
I just yesterday started a list of the emotions I usually have. Sounds weird I know bc everyone has the same emotions basically, but I also listed more subtle facets like "tension" or irritability. I then wrote down for every single emotion what would trigger them usually. I would stop in the middle with writing all the things down that came to my mind bc it was triggering me so much emotionally. I then did Maladaptive Daydreaming, which is my preferred way of handling emotions.
For me, the "bad experience" that taught me to not show emotion was being emotionally abused throughout my childhood.
I think strong emotions are directly or indirectly always caused by interaction with other human beings. You might be upset if your MP3 player is broken, but it usually won't be such a big deal emotionally... if you get what I mean. Strong emotions seem to always be related to what we recieve (or not recieve) from others in relationships, how we feel about others, how we believe to be seen by others a. s. o...
So if you've learned that you cant't discharge your emotions in the most natural or satistying way you are endowed with as a human being, by talking about them, telling others if you don't like the way you are treated, or what you wish to have from others in a relationship... that's when other ways of coping emotions come in to play to a larger amount I think.
So maybe you surpress your emotions bc you feel that there's noone to emtionally stabilize you if you're feeling bad. Another possibilty could be that there has never been someone interested in your emotions, who would ex- or implicitly show interest in what you're feeling.... if parents don't mirrror the emotions of their child, it will never learn to get aware of these emtions and talk about them.
For me, both is true.

Is it possible to not even 'know' yourself (hypothetically)?

Yes, I perfectly think it is . I think a lot of people don't really know themselves.
For me in personal.... I think one hast to divide: I actually know what my values are, I know my inner conflicts and stuff (at least I'm more or less aware of them)... but in another sense of meaning, I don't konw myself at all, bc I don't feel an emtional connection to myself, I have no subjective feeling of identity, it's as if there was no "light of live" insight me... I know how other people usually percieve me in real life, I know in what kind of social contexts I may be edgy... but it's like if I had studied a historical person I read about in books or something.... I have no emotional feeling of connection to myself.
So... don't know if it's like that for you as well.... I hope you found some of my thoughts interesting/helpful.