People keep saying to get out of the virtual world and have a real life, but there is a reason why people get addicted to the virtual world (I call it E-addiction); forums, social media, video games, porn, ... etc. If people could find their way to the real world and make friends and relationships, most people wouldn't be addicted to any form of the virtual world. I don't like the virtual world. It makes me depressed and makes my mental and physical health decay and be weak. But also the real world and dealing with people is painful. I've tried it, and I didn't fit and didn't feel connected with others, and kind of implicitly felt rejected. Both options aren't pleasant. It's like a prison, you're forced into it, and of course you don't like it.

Wandering Soul, i agree with you, i dislike internet and real people can be rude. If i want a break from it all i put on a pair of hiking boots and go outside; smell the fresh air, listen to the birds, go for a walk. if i have a camera i bring it and take photos then download when i get home to remind me that i was there and lived the moment. I hope this helps dear (((hugs))) tc and it does get better

[DechanDawa]

When a relative visited me for a week I did not check in with any online social site. This proved to me I was only "selectively" addicted. That is, when alone I would turn to cyberspace, but with someone in front of me in real time I felt no need.

It is personal. From the feedback here on Psych Central it seems that there are some people who prefer online, such as some aspies and some with autism. They made their points very well. For them, I am glad the technology exists. I am not aspie or autistic and I don't find technology that thrilling. But real life also has its problems.

The suggestions people make for getting connected in the real world don't make much sense to me. I have never met anyone in a coffee shop. I know meditators and church people but usually it is context specific, that is, seeing them during services or group meditation. I have not gone regularly to one gym, but that might be an experiment. I have made work friends, but again it is usually context specific. Meaning, one doesn't usually see them a lot out of the work environment.Also, some work people have wanted to become friends but I didn't like them that much. I considered them people I worked with, but not really close friends, or even friends. If you quit the job and move on, well, you usually lose touch with work friends, anyway. That's why I don't like to invest a lot emotionally in work friendships.

The real world is often superficial, context specific, and worse, rife with conflict. This is why people end up with only a few close friends in addition to their partner.

I would say, for certain, getting connected in the real world takes a huge amount of effort. It doesn't often happen that casually or accidentally one finds friends. One has to become engaged on every level, and stay engaged, to have friends. One has to get out of the house a lot. Since I have always been a homebody this is difficult for me.

I was well connected but my recent 18 month depression caused me to become disconnected. Now I have to start all over again. Use it or lose it, as the saying goes.

It is just like being online here on Psych Central. To interact you have to read a lot of threads, and make a lot of posts. If you stop you will find that people are not responding to you that much.

When I had a dog I had my greatest fun being with my dog and we did everything together. She was my best friend. When she died I realized because I had spent all my time with her I had lost my connection to people. Truth be told, I preferred my dog's company over the company of people anytime. She was the best, most gentle, funniest and most darling dog. Everyone loved her. She was the most loving being. But dogs only live from 12 to 15 years, and life is much longer.

I don't think of it that way. I think the internet is wonderful. It's an amazing source for communication, knowledge, learning, teaching. Information. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is essential for freedom.

[TishaBuv]

I love communicating here with people from all around the world, and it is helping me with my issues.

I have immediate family, and maintaining those relationships are most important.

I have extended family, and should do more to stoke those relationships.

I should do more to nurture current friendships, business friendships, and make new friends. Hopefully, getting issues under control will allow me to focus more positively.

It's about necessity, attitude, and balance. What do you need and want? It's also really fun to just be lazy and do nothing but wallow around the house. Do you have the motivation and the confidence to go out and get what you want?

I'm not talking about the normal use of the Internet, but the excessive use of it. Yesterday, I didn't leave the Internet for more than 1 hour the entire day. I don't think that's healthy. I'm living in a bubble in the virtual world. But I feel I have no other option. I don't have the motivation as before, because I'm disappointed with the little experience I have with people. I have the confidence to go and talk to people in meetings, but then what? I don't feel connected, and it ends right there, anyway, and the people I try to connect with usually don't feel the same way, and find excuses to run away.

I think it's related to attitude. If people like it, then they will feel happy about using it. I personally, don't like it, at least the excessive use of it. It's a sign of a problem for me, because when I'm around family I rarely use it at all.

[divine1966]

What if you text a colleague and ask to meet for a drink or lunch? I am using colleague for example as it is not a stranger but someone you already know. It might be easier? Just a suggestion.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I work in an office alone, and really have no work colleagues. For the last year I had a colleague from China, but he didn't speak English very well, and thus we couldn't connect very well.

Is it the type of work where networking outside the company would be beneficial? I probably use the net excessively but there's just so much to see and learn.

Originally Posted by George H.

Is it the type of work where networking outside the company would be beneficial? I probably use the net excessively but there's just so much to see and learn.

What do you mean?

OK, you see, it depends on the attitude. For you, you come to the Internet with a desire to learn, so, it's optional for you. For me, it's more because I have no other option.

Yeah I get that but I too sometimes go online out of sheer boredom. There were times in my life that I was pretty much nonfunctional due to depression and anxiety. I would have loved the internet then even more than now. And the times that I wasn't mired down in MI I burned the candle at both ends and the middle too to try to make up for all that lost time. Then I wouldn't have had time for the net. Anyway, there is so much available. As long as you're going to be online anyway, seize the day. You may find something online to get you into so-called real life situations.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by George H.

Yeah I get that but I too sometimes go online out of sheer boredom. There were times in my life that I was pretty much nonfunctional due to depression and anxiety. I would have loved the internet then even more than now. And the times that I wasn't mired down in MI I burned the candle at both ends and the middle too to try to make up for all that lost time. Then I wouldn't have had time for the net. Anyway, there is so much available. As long as you're going to be online anyway, seize the day. You may find something online to get you into so-called real life situations.

I think you make a good point that depression might cause someone to become internet addicted, and not the other way around, that excessive use causes depression.

Could be. When I'd get extreme anxiety or agitated depression at night I'd get up and watch tv. It did not help.

[DechanDawa]

I don't have television, don't have Netflix, don't have apps on my phone. I lost interest in reading except for short bursts. I don't even listen to music or news radio anymore. This depression has twisted all my habits around. On the positive side, I remain a nonsmoker and nondrinker, have started to exercise daily, and meditate daily.

For me depression is as a result of isolation. I'm not very social. Once you fell in this trap, both depression and isolation begins to feed each others, and it becomes harder to tell which causes which at that point. I just don't want to accept the virtual world as my reality. I've been like this for 6 years now. I'm not sure how the virtual world can push you out to the real world. Now I'm trying to socialize, it's not pleasant for me, but the virtual world isn't pleasant either.

[DechanDawa]

If we are depressed online we are probably also depressed offline.

But clinical research tells us that we can't wait until we feel 100% better to re-engage with life.

I hope I will be able to look back on this as a crazy time when I became completely isolated by depression. I never again want to go back to this kind of existence.

If past experience is an indicator, as the depression lifts so will my dependency on the Internet.

[TishaBuv]

WS, I know you are interested in making friends and finding love. You've been making effort. Don't get discouraged because your first attempts didn't amount to anything. You have enough motivation and self control to get yourself back out there. You can still give plenty of time to Internet, too. When you start to spend more time with real people, you'll automatically spend less time on the Internet.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

...When you start to spend more time with real people, you'll automatically spend less time on the Internet.

This is true, because when I go home and be around my family, I rarely use it. Thanks

[mf1438]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

People keep saying to get out of the virtual world and have a real life, but there is a reason why people get addicted to the virtual world (I call it E-addiction); forums, social media, video games, porn, ... etc. If people could find their way to the real world and make friends and relationships, most people wouldn't be addicted to any form of the virtual world. I don't like the virtual world. It makes me depressed and makes my mental and physical health decay and be weak. But also the real world and dealing with people is painful. I've tried it, and I didn't fit and didn't feel connected with others, and kind of implicitly felt rejected. Both options aren't pleasant. It's like a prison, you're forced into it, and of course you don't like it.

It's your world and you take it with you wherever you go.