[darlingbaby]

Well it's been a long year for me. I lost my job back in January. My job supported my 3 kids and SO. My significant other (SO) has a job but does not make much money and has no Health insurance from the job.

Long story short, my whole staff got laid off but we got decent package...6 months of health insurance and 2 months of salary. I talked to some of my ex-co workers that got laid off and all of them are taking it easy....enjoying taking the vacation they never had time to take or spending time w/ the family now since they have the time to. Their SOs have jobs that can support the family or they have no children.

I don't have that luxury since i'm supporting 4 people. So I got a job right away after a month I was laid off. The new job is ok, but a bit of a backwards step career wise. But with the situation i am in, I took it since the money was decent and it supported my family. Sometimes you have to sacrifice going backwards career wise I guess.

But here is my problem : I feel just defeated by the last 4 months and maybe the last 15 years. I'm not a person who gets down on myself but this time i really feel it. I"m in my mid 40s and i just don't know what the point is anymore. I"m not suicidal, but is this it? Just go job to job to job just to support the family? I looked back on my life and that's pretty much been what I've been doing for the last 15 years. I have been just working : i have no hobbies left, I have not one friend other than my SO, and all we do is raise our children.

Is that it to life at my age? I live in a very expensive area of the country too so there's added pressure. We talked about cashing out and moving to a different part of the country but for reasons I don't want to share at the moment, that is not a possibility.

Maybe I'm in a rut - but thought i'd post this since I'm sure there are others who have gone thru this in their mid 40s and have got thru it. And I am not one of those mid life crises people so I won't be trying to cheat and date some 20 year old

But I guess i'm really feeling the pressure of support 4 people for the last 15 years. I have no option to take a break. My SO has talked about getting a new job but its just talk. Even if my SO did get a new job, it would take many years for them to make enough money to take the load off me. Just feeling defeated.

I'm 49 and still don't know what I want to do with my life. I have gone from career to career fairly aimlessly. Not because each job change has been best for me but because they're were what I felt pressured into taking. The end result was being stuck in a high stress job completely unlike what I would rather be doing. It was sucking my energies both physically and emotionally.

In my own case a traumatic incident happened and I have not worked for 5 years as a result.

I agree with my pdoc that it is time to think about going back but I am left without a clue of what to do. Owing to the PTSD I can't return to the only industry I have worked in. I have no other skills and have no clue what interests me or where to start. I am scared of the 'performance anxiety' related to work.

Although it is only myself, I too feel the pressure to again support myself.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

What do you want to do?

What would happen if you earnt less in a more interesting job?

At 49 you must have skills and knowledge to say move sideways into something like training?