[seesaw]

So this came up for me this morning, a memory of my parents and brothers making fun of me as a child for talking a lot. They used to make this hand gesture to tell me to shut up, or they would tell me to shut up because I talked a lot.

Instead of being kind and finding some way to NOT kill my self esteem and make me afraid to talk, they were more concerned with shutting me up. So I grew into an adult who is afraid to speak because she's afraid that no one cares about her opinion or what she has to say.

Thinking about it today I know there were millions of ways for them to teach me to be quiet or give others there turn to speak without making me, the child, feel like ****.

I'm trying to do positive self talk to teach myself now that my opinion and what I have to say does matter. But it's hard to fight against what has been imprinted upon me.

Seesaw

[Monarch Butterfly]

I'm sorry you're going through this and sorry you were treated that way as a child. I grew up in a abusive home where I was made to feel like I was worthless. I figured nobody cared and nobody would listen. As an adult it has affected me too. I've started coming out of my shell. I started off evenly with small things. For example at the grocery store I asked the clerk about a brand of cookies. He showed me their location and said he likes them a lot. I bought them. When I tried them at home, I didn't like the cookies. When I saw the clerk two weeks later he rememberd. He asked what I thought of the cookies? I hesitated at first but suddenly said "Well actually I didn't like the flavour. I'll try something else." He looked st me and said no problem ,you will find something you like.

That may seem trivial but for me it was a first step in stating my opinion. Maybe starting with something small and building up will help you too. You deserve to be heard and you're opinions too.

I'm very sorry to hear of the experiences you had as a child and how it still stays with you to this day.

I've been through and still go through this as well in my life. There's this belief in my head from growing up that what I would like to say or need to say isn't important so I just don't say it.

It hurts to feel this way for sure. Feeling as if your words are well...worthless.