[Marylin]

So I had to let the gardener go cos he was over friendly and insincere and I sensed he had an agenda and lost trust in him.

I think he was after something from me cos he suggested he becomes more than just client/customer with people he suggested he becomes friends and we be friends.

I wasn't happy and he kept trying to stick his nose further into my business than I liked and I felt he was crossing my boundaries so I had to let him go.

The charity that provided him has a long waiting list for me to get someone else and they are short of gardeners.So I have to do it all myself again.

Well the heavy work with the hedges mostly got done and won't need doing again till next year,but the grass cutting I will have to do myself and the pruning until a new gardener is available.But it is better to be safe than sorry.

My one friend whom I was going to the cinema with upset me by being sarcastic when I was at my most vulnerable and in trauma.

I confronted her and she denied being sarcastic and basically said there was something off about my perceptions which made me fuming angry and I said so via text but she didn't reply,just ignored me.

I am unlikely to see her again cos she never would contact me unless I initiated contact and I haven't texted her in two weeks and she is not going to contact me.So it looks like I have lost her.

I see my niece regular and I love her and she loves me.She is off to university in September so I won't see as much of her so it will be less contact but quality times together,but I will miss her so much.

So I am feeling alone and lost.I am worried that I am getting more tired and weak physically and won't be able to keep up with chores etc

Already I have had to abandon trips to the supermarket cos it is too tiring and I don't have the energy to walk round with the trolley and fill it and take it to the counter,take it out the trolley ,pay for it pack it and bring it home.It is just too exhausting so I have to order it online now for the last three weeks and have it delivered.

There are no good friends and no family apart from my niece cos I cut off my narcissist mother and narcissist sister because of years of abuse which escalated and my health and safety were in danger.

I wonder if I will make good friends that care about me in the future..I hope so,I get so lost,alone and confused about people.I used to get used and taken advantage of cos I was too generous hoping to make up for what I didn't have in life as a child suffering from neglect by giving too much to others.

But others don't respect you for that,they see you as easy and weak and pathetic and they use you and start abusing you and putting you down verbally and eventually they dump you.

So I have to make sure I let them pay their own way and give them nothing and let them earn my respect and then they will respect me more.

I am glad I learnt this lesson it is for my own good and that is probably why I had few friends and the ones I did have tried it on and didn't respect me or stick around.

It hurt a lot to be like that and not know it but now I know where I went wrong and how to put it right I am feeling better.
I hope others will read this and share their experiences of having friends that didn't respect them and let them down and dumped them.It helps to share our experiences.

Well if you have read this far thanks for listening to me.The fact is loneliness and the emotions around it and not having good friend and having people abuse you brings up some difficult emotions to cope with and it is not easy but I am learning and hoping I can change myself and things.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Marylin: Thanks for sharing your perspective. The Skeezyks is reclusive. He neither seeks nor has friends. My experience has been that the more one tries to do for people, the more they hate you... As a result, I simply keep to myself.