Angry confused hurt

Warning triggers!!


For those who have read my posts or even looked at my profile you'd know my twin died 8yrs ago in my arms. I had T yesterday and we were talking about it and a realization hit me. This is very hard for me and for the first time ever in therapy I broke. I couldn't stop it and my T almost wouldn't let me leave.



Now you've had ur warning. What I realized yesterday after 8yrs was my twin killed herself. She did this without telling me and making me an unknowing accomplice. She was my identical twin and she left me. She didn't even give me the option of being with her. As soon as this hit me I dissociated. I'm high functioning when I dissociate. I really don't kno what else to say. I'm just so angry I couldn't join her. I'm confused and hurt that she did it in such a way that it took me 8yrs to realize it. I guess that's it. I really don't kno what I'm expecting to get out of this post, just thought I should. It's ok if no one says anything or deletes it.

I am an only child and to have a twin would be my dream. To lose a sibling would be unimaginable and almost unbearable. I am so very sorry that this happened to you. I realise that is a small silly thing to say, from a stranger on the Internet, for something so deep, so, so personal and so tragic. All I can say is prayers and blessings to you.

Hello monkeybrains21: Yes... unfortunately there's probably not much to say... The Skeezyks would simply like to send some healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

Monkey. I hope you can learn to find some inner peace on your journey through the maze of pain.

i wish i really could find peace but i dont know how. i picked a really crappy time to stop drinking. im trying so hard not to SI but have just a bit.the amount of damage i want to do to my arm is even a bit insane for me. the urge is just constant and of course my T has been on Vacation and doesnt get back til next week. i refuse to speak with any of her colleagues even though she said shed give me their number. i also refuse to call, text, or email her. shes on vacation im not going to bother her. besides i promised i wouldnt due anything rash.