[Pdorez]

Hey new to this here, just wanted to express something that's bothering me. I have been with my girlfriend for 5-6 years now we have had many issues with trust and just ultimately I have trouble feeling like she is the one for me anymore. The trouble is we have 2 daughters together and I've become like a father to her 6 year old son. I've been with him for almost his entire life. I have battled depression for years, been in several failed relationships and fear that I am coming up on another on ending badly. I am a light drinker and have an occasional weekend or event which I will have more than usual. I have been pretty good at controlling my emotions when I drink in fact im.usually a pretty happy person when I drink. I know deep down that I have a problem. I don't struggle as I used to in past years but I get to feeling like my relationship amplifies my desire to tune out. I work first shift she works second shift and weekends so we are never together. I do love her deeply but is it wrong that after all I don't feel "in love" with her? I know she had 2 kids in the last 3 years but am I a bastard, or a pig of a man because im not attracted to her anymore? The problem is I have felt like I'm obligated to be with her on account that I would be tearing our family apart if it were otherwise. I expressed my feelings of feeling unfulfilled with our relationship and Ultimately with myself. I had been self medicating for years it wasn't until a month ago that I actually went to a doctor and got on Cymbalta. I feel like my craving for alcohol is stronger I read some forums about people having similar reactions while taking it. I think the idea that I couldn't have a few beers just seemed foolish so I never gave it too much thought. I found that I became agitated with her smoking a cigarette and it just sparked off a torrent of negative comments and ideas I had been having or hadn't ever voiced to her. I told her that we should separate because I feel like I can't ever be myself as long as I'm with someone who doesn't understand me.
I just pushed her away like I always do because I don't know how to love her. Maybe I lost my feelings? Maybe I want to feel like someone could know me better than she ever could that were just too different. It hurts to know I hurt her. My children are everything to me. I fear that I can't make right what feels so wrong. But part of me holds on to a hope that perhaps distance may be what we need to get our own lives together. Our own priorities straight. That prospect of doing it along is frightening yet craved for. I just don't want to feel.like it's my fault that she's unhappy.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Pdorez: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I have a few comments with regard to your post. I'm an older person. And my spouse & I have been married for over 30 years. My experience has been that long-term relationships change over time. The "romance", as it were, gradually drains away. Under the best of circumstances, it leaves something like an endearing (more platonic) love & respect for one another. (In other less ideal cases, it simply becomes a matter of inertia.) But, in any case, my experience suggests to me that romantic relationships change over time. They necessarily cool. That's just the way it is. And, as a result the two people in the relationship must find new ways to relate to one another if they are to remain a couple. So what you have to decide is if your relationship with your gf has cooled to the extent that you can no longer continue to be a part of it. But keep in mind that the next relationship, & the next after that, aren't going to turn out differently in the end.

It may be that the problem primarily lies within yourself... you feel unfulfilled within yourself (hence the self-medicating & drinking) & so you feel unfulfilled within your relationship with your gf & want to look elsewhere. However, since it is your own lack of inner fulfillment that is driving this urge, your next relationship likely won't turn out any differently because you'll still be carrying your basic lack of inner fulfillment into that next relationship... & the one after that. In effect, you're chasing a chimera... seeking inner fulfillment in external relationships.

I took Cymbalta for a couple of years, I guess it was. From my perspective, continuing to drink while you're taking psych med's is really just asking for trouble. It's difficult enough to find an effective med to begin with along with the appropriate dosage, & to maintain this over time, without adding in the effects of alcohol on top of it. From my perspective, continuing to drink while you're on psych med's is like taking medication for a disease & then also taking something to nullify the therapeutic effects of the medication. Why would one do that?

One other thing I will mention, with regard to Cymbalta, is that when I was taking it, I found I was able to talk about things I don't believe I would never have mentioned had I not been on the med. I guess you might say it "loosened my lips". This can be either a good thing or a bad thing depending on the situation, I suppose. In my case, I regret that it happened. But, either way, I wasn't surprised by your comment regarding your "torrent of negative comments and ideas."

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[avlady]

i look at love in ebbs and flows, love is like the winds, it comes and goes, as an older boss told me as he saw me both happy and sad several times when in love.