[leomama]

I'm feeling really angry because I've been judged and my only solution to that is to keep my mouth shut. What do you all think of my solution. I don't care if my judges win. I'm not trying to lord over anyone , I'm just trying to live my life. I'm taking on more responsibility in my life so I hope that will help channel some of my talents in more positive and productive directions. I hate being judged by people who don't know me. It makes me very angry. Often times it takes years to ratify these things and I don't have time for that anymore so I figure the less I say the less people can use against me.

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[Bill3]

In what ways do you benefit from speaking? I wonder if there are times that the benefits of speaking outweigh the costs/risks.

[TishaBuv]

It's true. If you don't say anything, no one will take a jab at you and you won't feel hurt. But if you don't say anything, you feel like a nothing, non-contributing and get no where and that hurts more.

No one likes to get a shot taken at them. It's not about getting the last word. Also, nobody else cares as much as we think they do or we care. Try to let it roll off you and keep on truckin'!

[leomama]

Letting it roll off me when I'm an emotionally sensitive person it difficult.

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by Bill3

In what ways do you benefit from speaking? I wonder if there are times that the benefits of speaking outweigh the costs/risks.

In an online forum, not much, in a college class, at the right time, probably still not much. I think it only really matters with my partner at this point or in a group where I hold some responsibility .

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Originally Posted by leomama

What do you all think of my solution.

It's self-destructive. You're suggesting that you absorb heaps of presumably unfair criticism and censure until something deep inside you grows angry, bitter and resentful enough to pop like a zit. You better start sticking up for yourself before that clock starts counting down... it probably already has.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

It's self-destructive. You're suggesting that you absorb heaps of presumably unfair criticism and censure until something deep inside you grows angry, bitter and resentful enough to pop like a zit. You better start sticking up for yourself before that clock starts counting down... it probably already has.

I've been judged as overbearing, self centered, codependent and narcissistic. Why should I continue to speak? I trigger people when I talk about my parents or my childhood. I get insulted when I try to talk about my gifts, talents or education , at least online, in some places.

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Ignore or reject that constant judgement, develop a thick skin, and carry on.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Ignore or reject that constant judgement, develop a thick skin, and carry on.

I'm emotionally sensitive, a highly sensitive person and used to have a PD NOS. I still think being quiet is a better choice. The people who judge me don't know me, and those rare people who judge me who know me are projecting their own issues on me.

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Who are these 'people'? Friends? Relatives? Coworkers? Strangers? I empathize with your sensitivity, as I am myself hypersensitive, but it's not good to train yourself to accept and internalize unfair judgement.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Who are these 'people'? Friends? Relatives? Coworkers? Strangers? I empathize with your sensitivity, as I am myself hypersensitive, but it's not good to train yourself to accept and internalize unfair judgement.

I said highly sensitive. People on psych central, so strangers, my family, one friend in an anonymous program.

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[seesaw]

Originally Posted by leomama

I'm emotionally sensitive, a highly sensitive person and used to have a PD NOS. I still think being quiet is a better choice. The people who judge me don't know me, and those rare people who judge me who know me are projecting their own issues on me.

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I think you've hit the nail on the head here. Those that judge you are dealing with their own issues. I don't think you need to stay completely quiet and let people walk all over you, but I think you need to learn to pick your battles and learn whom you let bother you. For example, if I said something that upset you, well, I'm just some random person on line. If you don't like what I say, then just ignore it. My opinion shouldn't really matter all that much to you because I'm just some random person.

What's that saying: those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind?

Pick your battles. You don't have to argue with every person who disagrees with you because it's not worth the stress (and likely you won't change their mind anyways).

Good luck,
Seesaw

[leomama]

Thank you see saw.

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I think you're intelligent and I enjoy reading your posts and try to be supportive. I relate to sensitivity, too. You'll always have my support, no judging here. I don't walk in anyone's shoes but my own. I'm in no position to judge anyone here. xo

I think the people who judge you are wrong.

[leomama]

Thank you rainy day!

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by Anna72914

I think the people who judge you are wrong.

Thank you Anna!

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Originally Posted by leomama

Thank you rainy day!

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No problem and I'm totally sincere about it.

[leomama]

Yes I saw your beautiful post about not being able to work anymore. I can only imagine. Does your family shame you at all or anybody else?

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[divine1966]

If you don't know people (like online) I wouldn't let it bother you. But it might be harder with people you actually know. When people irl judge you as self centered and overbearing, do they actually say it to your face?

If they do, do they provide examples why they consider you all that? Is it in any kind of context or they just randomly announce in in the middle of the conversation?

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[leomama]

Nobody in my real life has judged me as such. I am strictly talking people online whom I've never met in real life.

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[divine1966]

Oh you said these people are family too and one friend in anonymous group so they are in real life. But maybe i read wrong. But if real life people aren't an issue, I'd not worry about. Anonymous people on the Internet could be anyone and you can block them. Or stay away. It's confusing why they say you are self centered or overbearing online. I might ask them for examples of such behavior or just ignore it. It's just Internet. If people in real life don't think that then it all that matters

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[mimsies]

OK. I have some thoughts on this.
1. People are allowed not to like you, or even to dislike you.
2. If you ask people specifically if they do not like you, you should be prepared for an honest reply. If you may a have a problem with their answer, don't ask.
3. If you ask people about why they dislike you, you should be prepared not to like their reasons, but it might be even more helpful to be open to accepting their reasons and examine in yourself WHY they reply the way they do, instead of just saying they are wrong.
4. What is the point of asking if you are simply going to dismiss what they say as wrong, and not use it for personal growth?

Good Luck.

[divine1966]

Good point. I mean if occasional people make judging comments I'd dismiss it but if that's common occurrence, maybe it's wise to investigate their reasoning. But it would apply to people irl IMHO. Internet is just that, not a substitute for real communication

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[leomama]

When people judge me who don't know me based on my online behavior. That being said I've had enough Dbt to be able to deal with it. Doesn't mean I like it. Honesty is one of my top three strengths so you can imagine how angry dishonesty in other people makes me. I get really triggered by projection and psychological abuse especially by people who have traits of personality disorders. Furthermore I'm now moving into advocacy and moderation myself . Because of how I've been treated I am very cautious to label someone a troll and let other moderators handle all but the most obvious ones. I suppose that's the silver lining in this cloud. It's taught me to be very careful with my ability to make decisions that affect others when I am in a service position myself. I guess that being said things aren't so bad after all. Thank you for the reply.

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