[xany]

Though my self-esteem is healthy according to my therapist (who released me a few weeks ago) my self-love is not. While I have a good overall image of myself and like myself, I don't love myself deeply. This stresses me out because I really don't know how to give myself love. I've been single for well over four years and would love to have a great relationship. Unfortunately everywhere I've read seems to say that people only find a good partner when they love themselves deeply.

It looks like I'm finally in control of my depression and it's improving a lot. Though I've been unemployed the last couple of months I'm young and educated and have had no issues having dates with desirable men, but it has been many years (7+) since I have found someone emotionally available. I'm currently living with my mom, which isn't ideal but I won't realistically be able to leave until at least the start of the upcoming year.

I really want to feel complete just as I am. I would also love to have a boyfriend.

I keep going back to many years ago when my ex and I were happy and in love. I can't remember exactly what was going on in my life or what I was doing that led me to have a good relationship.

Is it possible to find love while you're still working on loving yourself?

[Skeezyks]

Hello xany: Honestly, the Skeezyks doesn't know about this. I'm an old married guy who despises himself. So go figure... Quite a few years ago now, I participated in a partial hospital program where they told us: "Don't should on yourself." Don't place expectations on yourself & then beat yourself up for not achieving them.

From my perspective, the idea of only being able to find a good partner if you love yourself deeply is one of those platitudes that the world would probably be a lot better of without. All it does is to set up unsubstantiated & mostly unattainable expectations that people then end up beating themselves up over because they can't possibly live up to them.

I don't know why it is you have not been able to establish a good relationship. It does seem as though this is something that has become more difficult since I was young. Back in the day, as they say, I don't think we really ever thought all that much about it. Relationships just sort-of happened. However, under any circumstances, my personal opinion would be, whatever the cause, it's not because you don't love yourself deeply. I wish you well...